Monday, February 28, 2005

news

1) my nalgene cantine (the one I could roll up into a very small ball when I finished my water) broke. It lasted 8 months -- not worth it! My recommendation: stick to hard case.

2) the Bay Area's regional ridesharing contract, which has always been run by a small non-profit, was just awarded the private sector. This is part of a nation-wide shift away from what is good for the people and towards what is good for the rich, for business, towards major corporations. Parsons Brinkerhoff, the consulting firm that won the project, is a huge, multimational corporation. What this means? People have to spend more time working in order to earn more money for other people who don't need it.

I went kayaking on the Bay last Saturday. (It was an awesome tour of the southern waterfront where they are trying to put the recreational "Bay Trail" planned to circle the entire Bay.) My kayaking buddy, Forrest, thinks that this (point #2 above, the lack of democracy in America, the war...) are the fault of this country's puritanical roots. (Governments in Europe seem to care a little more about people and small business.) This theory sounds reasonable to me. I want out. As soon as I can make some money, that is.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Florida 2004: the Big Bummer [Dan Hoyle]

Friday night I saw Dan Hoyle’s one-man show about his efforts with move-on to promote Kerry in Florida last fall. It’s called “Florida 2004: the Big Bummer” and plays at The Marsh, an independent theater near my house. We learned about it from the paper. It further evidenced the lack of democracy in America. The most heartbreaking part was the African-Americans, voting for the first time, who believed that their vote would be counted, when in fact that is very unlikely. The most poignant was how we all believed we would spend this decade fighting hunger and addressing third world development, but instead we’re fighting for freedom in our own country, the most powerful country in the world.

The run is short because Dan Hoyle has to go to Nigeria on a Fulbright to study oil politics!

a questionnaire

My friend Kalyani sent me this. But instead of forwarding it, I thought I would just post my answers here.

>Welcome to the new 2005 edition of getting to know friends and family. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change All the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you.

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things, if you did not know them already.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30. I had to be someplace at 11
2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls, but there are lots of other options, and it certainly depends on the purpose.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Million Dollar Baby. It was OK.
4. What is your favorite TV show(s)? Six Feet Under
5. What did you have for breakfast? Two eggs fried in butter
6. What is your middle name? Carol, everyone knows that
7. What is your favorite food? Chocolate cookies, everyone knows that
8. What foods do you dislike? Really, I like almost all foods. I am not that crazy about pickles.
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Chips? It took me a long time to figure out what you meant. I don’t eat chips. That said, I LOVE Dorritos (cool ranch, yum!).
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I STILL can never get enough Dar Williams.
11. What kind of car do you drive? Car? Stupid question. She’s a red hybrid bicycle I bought used in 1998.
12. Favorite sandwich? I don’t really eat sandwiches, but I can think of 2, more for emotional reasons than anything else: rockfort with butter, and phili cheese stake
13. What characteristic(s) do you dislike in others? I do not like mean people, but I figure they are just under a lot of stress.
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Vacation? I travel. But for “vacation”, my favorites are Mallorca and Hawaii.
15. What color is your bathroom? White
16. Favorite brand of clothing? Ann Taylor or Nordy’s brands
17. Where would you retire to? San Francisco, the promised land
18. What is your favorite time of the day? I love the morning, but I also love to sleep through it. Either way is really special.
19. What was your most memorable moment? Too personal to share
20. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Person you expect to send it back first? Since I am not sending this out in an email, I would be really surprised if anyone wrote back.
21. What fabric detergent do you use? Some eco-friendly stuff I got at TJs
22. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night
23. Do you have any pets? Lots of houseplants, at Elizabeth’s house
24. Favorite vacation? Hawaii was cool, as was Mallorca, but I like to travel and see new places more
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? Ask me personally
26. You will be given a superpower, but you must choose: flight, or invisability? Flight, so I could travel independently. I wonder how many calories that would burn?
27. What generous thing have you most enjoyed doing for strangers? I love Kalyani’s answer to this, since I have never done anything like that: ”Christmas 1999 when I bought about 100 pairs of gloves for the homeless, individually wrapped them with giftwrap and bows at home, then (with Francis as driver and body guard) delivered them after midnight Christmas Eve by tiptoeing up to sleeping homeless people and tucking the wrapped gifts under their bedding (this was in SF)”

Note: I don’t think anyone learned anything about me, but let me know if I am wrong.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Another one (SUV)...

http://www.esuvee.com/

Build your own....

Try the "konstruktor":
http://www.m-city.org/

Thursday, February 24, 2005

vodka

I just learned that if you put cheap vodka through a Britta filter (standard water filter) twice, you get vodka as tasty as Kettle One (or perhaps even Grey Goose).

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Supreme Court Rejects Appeal on Ban on Sex Toy Sale

OMG! It's this sort of thing that makes me think that we are not all
human struggling to live harmoniously on earth.

and another thing... what about an individual person's constitutional
right to getting herself off? this is fundimental to discrimination
against single people and women.

On 22 Feb 2005 14:14:14 -0800, ak wrote:
> ak (alisondkirk@yahoo.com) has sent you a news article. (Email address has
> not been verified.)
>
> Personal message:
>
> Another place we wont be moving !
>
> Supreme Court Rejects Appeal on Ban on Sex Toy Sale
> http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050222/ts_nm/court_sextoys_dc

Monday, February 21, 2005

my figure drawing class

I've been taking pictures of my drawings as I go along, because I know they will get messed up over time. Here is the online photo album:
http://www.amazon.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=ksr0nbj.c2vsez3n&x=0&y=7t2z66

A few things you might notice are:
1) I am getting better.
2) I draw some models much better than others. For example, the guy last week (at the end) kind of sucked. He had a bad attitude too.
3) We've done a variety of assignments.

My class is an interesting group of hip young women (and a man or 2), greasy-haired middle-aged men, and older, possibly retired, (men and) women. I am not really a "young" woman anymore, but I group myself with those participants. One of the best parts of going to class each day is the bike ride over the hill towards to Bay to the fantastic view over to Marin (it's at Fort Mason). Another good thing is that Greens sells delicious baked goods that I enjoy during the break.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Can't buy Love

A recently study quantifying the value of Love recently found that the happiness gained from marriage is worth approximately +$100K annual income.

I know some very happy couples and a few miserable ones. The problem is that I am pretty happy single, and I hate the idea of risking the level of misery/dysfunction I see in the unhappy couples I know. I also sometimes feel that sharing my life with another person might feel like a huge limitation. At the same time, I know it creates a whole new world to explore.

Ethics

On the Media (KQED) was just reporting that journalist scored very high in a study on ethics. They also found that people with just a college education were the most ethical. More educated (Masters, PhD) and less educated (no BA) people scored lower. Religious people did not score well because their religious doctrine lacked the flexibility to think through specific dilemmas.

Friday, February 18, 2005

"Life is tough...

...but it's tougher when you're stupid." - John Wayne

SUV burns on Bay Bridge -- cigarette butt blamed
- Jaxon Van Derbeken, Chronicle Staff Writer
Friday, February 18, 2005

No ifs, ands or butts about it, Jonathan Fish learned an expensive lesson Thursday about the dangers of littering.

The 20-year-old San Francisco resident was cruising across the upper deck of the Bay Bridge at 10:40 a.m., smoking a cigarette. When he got near the Harrison Street off-ramp, he rolled down the window of his white 2004 Ford Expedition SUV and tossed out the butt, authorities said.

Instead of bounding along the pavement, however, the still-lit cigarette blew back in and set the interior of Fish's $30,000 SUV ablaze, he told police.

Black smoke filled the vehicle. Fish pulled over to the far left-hand lane about 100 feet from the Harrison Street exit and leaped from the Expedition -- leaving the SUV in neutral instead of park.

The flaming Expedition rolled driverless into a guardrail by the exit, where it crashed to a stop and burned to the frame.

California Highway Patrol officers and fire crews arrived and closed the off-ramp until 11:45 a.m., tying up traffic all the way back to the toll plaza. Fish had his hair singed but was otherwise unharmed.

Tossing a burning cigarette onto the road is a misdemeanor, and even though this particular cigarette never actually hit the road, Fish will probably be cited all the same, the CHP said. The fine could be as much as $1, 000.

"Obviously, this guy is fortunate that he wasn't a fatality and that he did not receive any more serious injuries than singed hair,'' CHP Officer Shawn Chase said.

Jeans on Friday

I didn't know if today would be a casual day or not, so I wore slacks and a sweater set. Turns out there's a Friday dress code: jeans and a black cotton knit shirt. I think we should institute Friday Hawaiian shirt day. This seems inportant to me right now.

I just came from the Farmer's Market in Old Oakland. It was cool. There isn't much to get this time of year, but I bought some apples, oranges and asparegus (sp?). Was tempted by some squash. There was also lots of flowers, which seemed like too much of an extravegance just before the long president's day weekend.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Lectures and books

I owe you descriptions of 3 lectures I've attended over the past month or so:
The EU, sustainability, and mobility management
Transportation Worlds (multimodal transportation planning), and finally tonight
Planning in Paradise, a comparison of planning practices in Paris and San Francisco.
I paid $10 for the one tonight, and what I have learned more than anything else from these lectures is that I am pretty smart and I know a lot of stuff. I should be giving these talks.

and two books:
The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd, strange name, hu?)
Me Talk Pretty One Day (David Sedaris)

I have learned from experience that talking about doing things doesn't work. Thinking about doing things doesn't work. What works is doing things. But I am so tired. I have to go to work tomorrow (say it isn't so). and, well, maybe this entry is enough. Maybe it is enough to have loved onces, like some kind of Bridges of Madison County. Yeah, we all know that's a bunch of B(*&^t. I am really going to try to do it this weekend. I am also going to try to go to a Yoga class.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Baby name wizard

http://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html

Brilliant!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Pagan Festivals in Europe

One of these years I'd like to do a tour of all the crazy weird specific pagan festivals that go on throughout the continent. (You may remember the one I attended in Mallorca.) Here's what Carolyn said about being in Basel these last few days:

Well, yes sort of, but the 4am thing is special only
to Basel I think. It felt very serious, not like the
next day where people were throwing confetti and
oranges and kirshwasser and and poems in Swiss German
and carrots (?). The 4am morga strasse (I think( was
like a huge parade and I have never seen so many
people out even at regular times in Basel. The only
crowd that I've seen that compare recently are the
protests against the war in SF. But the procession is
hundreds and hundreds of masked people with lighted
paintings on their heads playing the picolo or drums
or showing lit posters of events during the year.
Weird, but very beautiful. They turn off all the
lights in teh city so the only lights come from the
people themselves. I wish I had a camera, because it
was very lovely, and I'm not much of a describer...
But the reason for the fasnacht celebration is to kick
out winter! So, in that sense it isn't really like
mardi gras which is more of a "lets party today
because tomorrow lent starts."

Anyway, the short answer is yes, it is equivalent to
mardi gras but I havent seen any breasts or beads and
the roots must be pagan in nature.

Monday, February 14, 2005

"I Did It My Way."

It must have been 1997, when RIDES had their karaoke Christmas party and John Hirten, the ED, sang "I did it my way" to the staff. It was a priceless moment. He actually sang well, but I think most of the staff had one problem or another with him. This is the same ED who made my boss put in my performance evaluation that my laugh was "unprofessional". Anyway, I am back working at RIDES, in my old boss's job, and after one day, I love it to pieces. I love it just as much as I did the first time.

Meanwhile I am trying to create this life for myself that involves spending a lot of effort keeping control. Maybe you'll disagree with me, but I find myself an incredibly easygoing person. I have to be pushed pretty deeply into something that doesn't work for me before I take any action to fix it. This is not a quality I am proud of. So, I am really really trying to keep hold of the reins of my life, and not many people do that. They seem to think it is strange.

I met K at summer camp when we were about 13. Cazedero Music and Arts Camp. We were both theater people, though neither of us has any idea how we became friends. She's a public interest lawyer now, working in NYC. She's here now to celebrate her Birthday, but she returns on Thursday for reasons relating to her fertility.

K is single, and has been more or less most of the time I have been aware of her relationship status. And she wants children. At nearly 35, she has identified three possible choices:
1) not have children
2) marry the wrong guy just to have children with him, or
3) have children on her own.
She considers option 1 and 2 unacceptable. So, as a highly-skilled, highly-educated, self-actualized, professional single woman who still believes in true love, she has decided to get pregnant through artificial insemination and have a baby on her own. As of today, it is looking really good for this cycle, which is really exciting because over the past year she has had three pregnancies and 3 miscarriages. She told me that she knows 5 other single women who are doing the same thing. Two have newborns.

I know another woman who decided one year that she would meet the love of her life that year. Through the internet, she met 47 eligible men over about a 6-month period. Number 43 was the right one. They are married now. Charlotte on Sex and the City decided to get married one New Year's eve, and she did. But he turned out to be the wrong guy; her divorce lawyer was the right one. A former best friend cheated on her fiancée and this resulted in their separation. A few years later she married the brother of her former illicit lover.

The point I am trying to make is that there is a lot we can control, and a few key things (love, passion, fertility) that we can't. It's a path. There are a few things we can do to be as fantastic as we possibly can be:
1) live a life we love with all our hearts and souls and minds,
2) listen closely to our hearts and souls and minds for direction,
3) pursue what we want with everything we have inside us,
4) accept our disappointments like the gifts they truly are, knowing that the universe loves us and is trying its best to steer us on to the right path, and
5) do it now, there is no other time.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Love and other complications

My life is gearing up as my classes become difficult, I have work to support my habit of eating and paying rent, and my need for constant entertainment continues. I have been ticking things off my "to do" list, but not quite fast enough to satisfy myself. Meanwhile, I'm exhausted. My sleep patterns are improving, but my schedule keeps changing. I feel like I am always late, and I stood up my french conversation buddy last night, which breaks my heart. What ever happened to "you can only do one thing per day, and sometimes that is just brushing your teeth" (me)? Well, I have to go brush my teeth and hair before rushing off to drawing class. darn! I forgot to eat anything.

Some quotes on love:

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." -Zora Neale Hurston

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." -James Baldwin

"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real." -Iris Murdoch

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche.

"Love is not about losing freedom; it's about sharing freedom with a partner who's as talented a liberationist as you." -Rob Breezy's friend Sarah.

"I hunger for your sleek laugh and your hands the color of a furious harvest. I want to eat the sunbeams flaring in your beauty." -Pablo Neruda.

collected at http://freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/allsigns.html

Monday, February 07, 2005

Cuba, like California

http://www.usatoday.com/money/world/2005-02-07-cuba_x.htm

in case you don't feel like following the like, here is the highlight:
Cuban President Fidel Castro, who gave up smoking years ago, once joked about giving away boxes of cigars, saying "the best thing to do is give them to your enemy."

Sunday, February 06, 2005

super bowl sunday

It's a big day in the ole U.S. of A., and I spent it like a good American: I spent lots of money, ate lots of greasy food, and watched lots of TV. That in itself is nothing special, hardly worth talking about, but I can tell you a few interesting things that happened today.

I met Alison this morning at Nordy's and we were successful in purchasing new suits (hers had to be ordered -- black, gorgeous -- but she'll get it in a few days, mine was gray and on-sale), boots, frilly girly tops, and a sweater. All things I need. Soon I will be able to go through my clothes and throw away everything with a whole or permanent stain. I also plan to actually use a dry cleaner -- something I haven't done in a long time. Anyway, I am very happy, if a bit poorer.

So I had three packages and I decide to hang them from my handlebars on the way home (about 3 flat miles in traffic). This worked for about 3 blocks until my suit got caught in my front tire. The front tire stopped, the rear wheel did not. I flew over the top, landing in a splat on the roadway in front of my bicycle. All the hangers broke, the carrier was ruined, my elbow skinned, but otherwise, we, my frilly new clothes and all, are fine. And I have plenty of hangers at home.

This occurred in the heart of the tenderloin, in front of at least 3 girly show venues. Nonetheless, two people stopped, helped me, made sure I was fine, and gave me a new plastic bag to hold everything. Humans really are fundamentally good.

So, the Boston Patriots played the Philadelphia Eagles. We ate about 5 lbs of guacamole, chicken wings (or leg-lets, we weren't sure), jalapeno poppers, potato chips, nuts, brownies, chocolate, rice crispy treats, and... peach cobbler (by me). We also drank beer -- big surprise.

The Patriots were the favorite, and they did win. Half the fun of the game is the commercial, and probably due to Janet Jackson's nipple last year, the commercials this year were... boring... with the exception of the ones with the monkeys (some job search web site). Paul McCarty played old Beatles tunes at half time, and the whole thing made me feel like America is the pasteurized, repressed place where the only things that are both good and acceptable are 35 years old.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Flowers

February was so long that it lasted into March
And found us walking a path alone, together
You stopped and pointed, and you said, "That's a crocus."
And I said, "What's a crocus?" and you said, "It's a flower."
I tried to remember, but I said, "What's a flower?"
You said, "I still love you."
-- from Dar Williams' "February"

I am so happy to report that the trees are blooming and the weather warming up. I love February in California. Spring is my favorite time of year -- I just wish I had been born in the spring. I would have made a great pisces. But alas, my birthday is during a time of death and fading light. The idea of anything ending and becoming cold makes me feel deeply sad.

But now it's springtime in California, and I just heard from Mitja that he and Elysia (his wife) are expecting a new baby in July.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Collateral

Last night I took myself out on one of my best dates (with myself) ever. I was supposed to take myself to a Baliwood film (which my friend said was not so great after all) or volunteer at the bicycle coalition (which, it turns out, only has volunteer night every-other Wednesday, and not last night). So, instead I first took myself to Jay's Cheesestake for a whole lot of fried food. I really wanted a hamburger with jalapeno poppers, but they wouldn't do that sort of substitution and having fries too would be way too much food. So, I got the combo platter instead and chowed down on deep-fried zucchini, mushrooms, chicken, cheese, and, yes, jalapeno poppers. Not to self: eat the ones that must be steaming hot first (cheese, poppers). That is one area where I failed.

I like Jay's because their food is really good and they use organic produce and cruelty-free meat. It's quality fast food without with guilt associated with knowing that your dollars spent at McD (or like) are actually contributing to the ruin of the planet.

After my magnificently healthy dinner, I went to Papa Toby's Revolution Cafe to draw people in the lovely low candlelight. There was a jazz band playing and people at nearly every table. It was perfect. I drew the band and the guitarist's wife for a while, and then moved to a table closer to the sidewalk (this is a wonderfully, and unusually Parisian-style cafe with tables on the sidewalk -- something that is very rarely allowed here) to draw more of the customers.

But I had competition. There was another guy (I think he was German) drawing everyone. So, the crowd around me was both used to and all excited about being our subject. He did several drawings of me (I was so surprised that he seemed to think I was pretty! ...At least his drawings described a pretty girl.) and I did a couple of him. We even sat for each other, trying not to move, until his girlfriend came to get him. I think I made him a little wider set than he actually is -- he was quite thin.

That was all just great, but it was still only like 9 PM, and I knew there was nothing on TV and I only had a few pages left to my book (The Secret Life of Bees). I decided to rent some mores (it is half-price day at Lost Weekend Video); so I rented Collateral and Indochine.

I have a mild allergy to Tom Cruise, but I think he was pretty good, in a remote psychopathic sort of way, in Collateral. The cinematography was amazing -- each shot looked like an individually composed frame. LA looked like a real city (which it is not). I also loved the use of numbers: 5 hits, 6 years experience (Vincent), 12 years experience (Mac).... It went really well with the stark and bold swaths of roadway, parking garages, directional arrows, office buildings of windows....

There is nothing gritty about this movie. Everything was clean and stark, as if it had just been washed down with window cleaner like Mac does his cab in the beginning. However, despite all that, I found the pace a bit slow for a thriller, as if they wanted the movie to come out long so that people would take it seriously as "art". Conversations were punctuated with at least as much time following the roadway, aerial views of the city, traffic -- shots that actually add nothing to the story. But more importantly, who was that guy who played the main cop? I am in love with his face.

I will watch Indochine another night. I have until Saturday.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

French class

I have French class on Tuesday nights, in addition to my more informal French conversation group that is sometimes on Monday nights, and usually every other week (next week we are going to a French film instead). My teacher (for my actual class) is from Nante. Incidentally, I have heard from several French sources that Nante is a very desirable place to live in France (en vogue, as it were). Anyway, she is pretty hard-core. Today, I got totally kicked to the curb after saying the wrong word for "60" and saying "percent" too much like "person" -- the opportunity to finish that sentence was not longer open to me.

She's started with some good basics of pronunciation like vowels and consonants. Of course, I struggle most with the "u" sound. Now she is going over other stuff I know but can never remember when I open my mouth to speak. I am neither the weakest nor the strongest speaker, but it does appear that lots of my classmates have looser tongues that I have. The teacher speaks only French to us, but unlike L'Atalier 9, the students seem to speak a whole lot of English (which is annoying). Interestingly, I would say about half the students have a maternal language other than English. The teacher is totally amazing as she speaks perfectly English, French, Spanish and Portuguese (as far as I can tell).

I think I mentioned that I used to only be able to understand Stephanie (my teacher at L'Atalier) when she spoke French and no one else. Well, my comprehension of my current teach is improving exponentially. Soon, I will only be able to understand French women.... Anyway, in addition to class, group, and the enormous amount of homework she is giving us, I plan to see a French film every other week. Please send your suggestions.

Victims Turning Perpetrators [George Soros]

I am trying to finally catch up on my email, and, well, some things are quite old... anyway, this seemed worth posting.

AlterNet.com - May 19, 2004
Victims Turning Perpetrators
By GEORGE SOROS


Editor's Note: This commencement address was delivered to the Columbia
School of International & Public Affairs on Monday, May 17, 2004 at
Cathedral of St. John the Divine, New York City.

Today, you are graduating from the School of International & Public Affairs.
This ought to be an occasion for celebration. You have successfully
completed your studies and you are about to enter the real world. But the
real world is a very troubled place and international relations are at the
core of our troubles. So it may be appropriate to pause for a moment and
reflect on the world you are about to face.

Why are we in trouble? Let me focus on the feature that looms so large in
the current landscape -- the war on terror. September 11 was a traumatic
event that shook the nation to its core. But it could not have changed the
course of history for the worse if President Bush had not responded the way
he did. Declaring war on terrorism was understandable, perhaps even
appropriate, as a figure of speech. But the President meant it literally and
that is when things started going seriously wrong.

Recently the nation has been shaken by another event: pictures of our
soldiers abusing prisoners in Saddam's notorious prison. I believe there is
a direct connection between the two events. It is the war on terror that has
led to the torture scenes in Iraq. What happened in Abu Ghraib was not a
case of a few bad apples but a pattern tolerated and even encouraged by the
authorities. Just to give one example, the Judge Advocate General Corps
routinely observes military interrogations from behind a two-way mirror;
that practice was discontinued in Afghanistan and Iraq. The International
Red Cross and others started complaining about abuses as early as December
2002.

It is easy to see how terrorism can lead to torture. Last summer I took an
informal poll at a meeting of eminent Wall Street investors to find out
whether they would condone the use of torture to prevent a terrorist attack.
The consensus was that they hoped somebody would do it without their knowing
about it.

It is not a popular thing to say, but the fact is that we are victims who
have turned into perpetrators. The terrorist attacks on September 11 claimed
nearly 3,000 innocent lives and the whole world felt sympathy for us as the
victims of an atrocity. Then the President declared war on terrorism, and
pursued it first in Afghanistan and then in Iraq. Since then, the war on
terror has claimed more innocent victims than the terrorist attacks on
September 11. This fact is not recognized at home because the victims of the
war on terror are not Americans. But the rest of the world does not draw the
same distinction and world opinion has turned against us. So, a tremendous
gap in perceptions has opened up between us and the rest of the world. The
majority of the American public does not realize that we have turned from
victims into perpetrators. That is why those gruesome pictures were so
shocking. Even today, most people don't recognize their full import.

By contrast, the Bush administration knew what it was doing when it declared
war on terror and used that pretext for invading Iraq. That may not hold
true for President Bush personally but it is certainly true for Vice
President Cheney and a group of extremists within the Bush administration
concentrated in and around the Pentagon. These people are guided by an
ideology. They believe that international relations are relations of power
not law and since America is the most powerful nation on earth, it ought to
use that power more assertively than under previous presidents. They
advocated the overthrow of Saddam Hussein even before President Bush was
elected and they managed to win him over to their cause after September 11.

The invasion of Afghanistan could be justified on the grounds that the
Taliban provided Bin Laden and Al Qaeda with a home and a training ground.
The invasion of Iraq could not be similarly justified. Nevertheless, the
ideologues in the administration were determined to pursue it because, in
the words of Paul Wolfowitz, "it was doable." President Bush managed to
convince the nation that Saddam Hussein had some connection with the suicide
bombers of September 11 and that he was in possession of weapons of
mass-destruction. When both claims turned out to be false, he argued that we
invaded Iraq in order to liberate the Iraqi people.

That claim was even more far-fetched than the other two. If we had really
cared for the Iraqi people we would have sent in more troops and we would
have provided protection not only for the Ministry of Oil but also for the
other Ministries and the museums and hospitals. As it is, the country was
devastated by looting.

I find the excuse that we went into Iraq in order to liberate it
particularly galling. It is true that Saddam Hussein was a tyrant and it is
good to be rid of him. But the way we went about it will make it more
difficult to get rid of the likes of Saddam in the future. The world is full
of tyrants and we cannot topple them all by military action. How to deal
with Kim Jong-il in North Korea or Mugabe in Zimbabwe or the Turkmenbashi of
Turkmenistan is the great, unsolved problem of the prevailing world order..
By taking unilateral and arbitrary action, the United States has made it
more difficult to solve that problem.

I am actively engaged in promoting democracy and open society in many parts
of the world and I can testify from personal experience that it cannot be
done by military means. In any case, the argument has become unsustainable
after the revelations about the torture of prisoners. The symbolism of
Saddam's notorious prison is just too strong. We claimed to be liberators
but we turned into oppressors.

Now that our position has become unsustainable, we are handing over to local
militias in Fallujah and elsewhere. This prepares the ground for religious
and ethnic divisions and possible civil war Ă  la Bosnia, rather than Western
style democracy after we transfer sovereignty.

The big difference between Saddam and us is that we are an open society with
free speech and free elections. If we don't like the Bush administration's
policies, we can reject him at the next elections. Since President Bush had
originally been elected on the platform of a "humble" foreign policy, we
could then claim that the war on terror and the invasion of Iraq constitute
a temporary aberration induced by the trauma of September 11.

I would dearly love to pin all the blame on President Bush and his team. But
that would be too easy. It would ignore the fact that he was playing to a
receptive audience and even today, after all that has happened, a majority
of the electorate continues to have confidence in President Bush on national
security matters. If this continues and President Bush gets reelected, we
must ask ourselves the question: "What is wrong with us?" The question needs
to be asked even if he is defeated because we cannot simply ignore what we
have done since September 11.

We need to engage in some serious soul-searching. The terrorists seem to
have hit upon a weak point in our collective psyche. They have made us
fearful. And they have found a willing partner in the Bush administration.
For reasons of its own, the Bush administration has found it advantageous to
foster the fear that September 11 engendered. By declaring war on terror,
the President could unite the country behind him. But fear is a bad
counselor. A fearful giant that lashes out against unseen enemies is the
very definition of a bully, and that is what we are in danger of becoming.
Lashing out indiscriminately, we are creating innocent victims and innocent
victims generate the resentment and rage on which terrorism feeds. If there
is a Single lesson to be learned from our experience since September 11, it
is that you mustn't fight terror by creating new victims.

By succumbing to fear, we are doing the terrorists' bidding: We are
unleashing a vicious circle of violence. If we go on like this, we may find
ourselves in a permanent state of war. The war on terror need never end
because the terrorists are invisible, therefore they will never disappear.
And if we are in a permanent state of war, we cannot remain an open society.

The war on terror polarizes the world between us and them. If it becomes a
matter of survival, nobody has any choice but to stick with his own tribe or
nation whether its policies are right or wrong. That is what happened to the
Serbs and Croats and Bosnians in Yugoslavia, that is what happened to
Israel, and that is the state of mind that President Bush sought to foster
when he said that those who are not with us are with the terrorists.

That attitude cannot be reconciled with the basic principles of an open
society. The concept of open society is based on the recognition that nobody
is in possession of the ultimate truth. Might is not necessarily right.
However powerful we are, we may be wrong. We need checks and balances and
other safeguards to prevent us from going off the rails. After September 11,
President Bush succeeded in convincing us that any criticism of the war on
terror would be unpatriotic and the spell was broken only 18 months later
when the Iraqi invasion did get us off the rails.

Now it is not enough to reject the Bush administration's policies; we must
reaffirm the values and principles of an open society. The war on terror is
indeed an aberration. We must defend ourselves against terrorist attacks but
we cannot make that the overarching objective of our existence.

We are undoubtedly the most powerful nation on earth today. No single
country or combination of countries could stand up to our military might.
The main threat to our dominant position comes not from the outside but from
ourselves. If we fail to recognize that we may be wrong, we may undermine
our dominant position through our own mistakes. We seem to have made
considerable progress along those lines since September 11.

Being the most powerful nation gives us certain privileges but it also
imposes on us certain obligations. We are the beneficiaries of a lopsided,
not to say unjust, world order. The agenda for the world is set in
Washington but only the citizens of the United States have a vote in
Congress. A similar situation, when we were on the disadvantaged side, gave
rise to the Boston Tea Party and the birth of the United States.

If we want to preserve our privileged position, we must use it not to lord
it over the rest of the world but to concern ourselves with the well-being
of others. Globalization has rendered the world increasingly interdependent
and there are many problems that require collective action. Maintaining
peace, law and order, protecting the environment, reducing poverty and
fighting terrorism are among them. We cannot do anything we want, but very
little can be done without our leadership or at least active participation.
Instead of undermining and demeaning our international institutions because
they do not necessarily follow our will, we ought to strengthen them and
improve them. Instead of engaging in preemptive actions of a military
nature, we ought to pursue preventive actions of a constructive nature,
creating a better balance between carrots and sticks in the prevailing world
order.

As graduates of a school of international affairs, I hope you will have an
opportunity to implement this constructive vision of America's role in the
world.

Thank you.


George Soros is founder and chairman of the Open Society Institute and the
Soros foundations network. He is also currently the president and chairman
of Soros Fund Management LLC.