I no longer blog about anger management bc I'm no longer in a relationship with a person with anger management issues. But, that doesn't mean the ideas aren't still in my heart. K keeps me posted on interesting things that happen on her social workout blog. This week, it's Brad Robert's inspirational words about getting in shape with yoga, and, more interesting to me, how some other forms of exercise made him feel: "I kickboxed for a while, because it was fun to hit things. But, first of all, I smashed my foot. And then I noticed that, rather than being cathartic, kick boxing just made me more angry. I'd be walking down the street, and I'd see some guy, and I'd start thinking what would I do do to take him down. I'd be imagining: "MY ELBOW. YOUR NECK. I COULD KILL YOU!" I don't need that going on in my head."
One thing I think a lot about is what I want in my head. You get these things from the people you spend time with, the things you do, and your physical environment. For example, I don't think it's dis-loyal or bad in any way to avoid investing in people who are overly critical, negative or superficial. After all, it's my head, and I get to choose what to put in it. So, Roberts observations transcend anger management -- they're also about consciousness. You are what you do. (And, conversely, do what you are... do be do be do.)
I've been reading The Secret, which is just the same message again. Last night, I read the chapter on Health. It told stories of people curing cancer with funny movies. I've been under the weather lately; so, watching more TV than usual. I stream, and I ran out of shows to watch. This eventually resulted in the same outcome as if I had TV reception: crime television. I started watching CSI. Ugh. Those people are unhappy. They're solving crimes (where people are horrible to each other by definition). And the cinematography is dark. Yeah, here on my blog, I now state my commitment to fixing this problem.
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Flowering from within
Deeply moved by this poem that my yoga teacher recited, in part, in class tonight. How great is it that I live in a place where yoga teachers recite poetry?
Saint Francis And The Sow
The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;
as Saint Francis
put his hand on the creased forehead
of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow
began remembering all down her thick length,
from the earthen snout all the way
through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,
from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
down through the great broken heart
to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking and blowing beneath
them:
the long, perfect loveliness of sow.
© 1980 by Galway Kinnell
Saint Francis And The Sow
The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;
as Saint Francis
put his hand on the creased forehead
of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow
began remembering all down her thick length,
from the earthen snout all the way
through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of the tail,
from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
down through the great broken heart
to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking and blowing beneath
them:
the long, perfect loveliness of sow.
© 1980 by Galway Kinnell
Monday, January 18, 2010
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
Happy MLK Day!
My alarm went off at 8:40 this morning. Since it's the end of a long weekend, it woke me up. I was also up late last night savoring the near-end of BSG, and you know how I feel about quality television.
I can't find it now, but the radio discussed neural reprogramming. A teenage girl struggled with depression. She was spending time with mean girls. Her neural reprogramming process involved questioning her reaction to the situation. Was she really an unlikable person? Or was it also possible that these girls didn't like her while other girls did? She changed friends and felt much better.
Most self-help is the same; each one just uses different language. Neural reprogramming is like meditation (where you let go of your thoughts). I recently enjoyed reading "Loving What Is" where you confirm that your thoughts have a basis in reality (or change them if they don't).
On BSG, Baltar (one of the main characters, originally a brilliant scientist) becomes a religious leader of a small but growing cult. He preaches to them, "you are perfect just the way you are." Within a couple days of watching that, K sent me the following quote, "When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky" ~ Gautama Buddha. When coincidences like that happen, I pause.
I don't believe in perfection... at least not in living things. The concept doesn't fit. Perfect moments on the other hand....
I spent yesterday with my mother and sister.
We ate dim sum and then walked along Crissy Field where we saw a rainbow.
It rained intermittently. My sister reminded my mother of something she said on one of their vacations "If it gets any better than this, I'm not even interested." My mother noted that negative experiences stick with us so that we can protect ourselves from wild animals. We only remember positive experiences if they last for at least 20 seconds.
Which reminds me of methods for remembering people's names. I've heard that if you repeat the persons name three times after you've heard it (which presumably lasts at least 20 seconds), you're more likely to remember it.
At this point, I am tempted to break into song. You're lucky you're reading this and not in the room with me:
AC-CENT-TCHU-ATE THE POSITIVE (Mister In-Between)
(Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen)
You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
...
My alarm went off at 8:40 this morning. Since it's the end of a long weekend, it woke me up. I was also up late last night savoring the near-end of BSG, and you know how I feel about quality television.
I can't find it now, but the radio discussed neural reprogramming. A teenage girl struggled with depression. She was spending time with mean girls. Her neural reprogramming process involved questioning her reaction to the situation. Was she really an unlikable person? Or was it also possible that these girls didn't like her while other girls did? She changed friends and felt much better.
Most self-help is the same; each one just uses different language. Neural reprogramming is like meditation (where you let go of your thoughts). I recently enjoyed reading "Loving What Is" where you confirm that your thoughts have a basis in reality (or change them if they don't).
On BSG, Baltar (one of the main characters, originally a brilliant scientist) becomes a religious leader of a small but growing cult. He preaches to them, "you are perfect just the way you are." Within a couple days of watching that, K sent me the following quote, "When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky" ~ Gautama Buddha. When coincidences like that happen, I pause.
I don't believe in perfection... at least not in living things. The concept doesn't fit. Perfect moments on the other hand....
I spent yesterday with my mother and sister.
We ate dim sum and then walked along Crissy Field where we saw a rainbow.
It rained intermittently. My sister reminded my mother of something she said on one of their vacations "If it gets any better than this, I'm not even interested." My mother noted that negative experiences stick with us so that we can protect ourselves from wild animals. We only remember positive experiences if they last for at least 20 seconds.
Which reminds me of methods for remembering people's names. I've heard that if you repeat the persons name three times after you've heard it (which presumably lasts at least 20 seconds), you're more likely to remember it.
At this point, I am tempted to break into song. You're lucky you're reading this and not in the room with me:
AC-CENT-TCHU-ATE THE POSITIVE (Mister In-Between)
(Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen)
You've got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mister In-Between
...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
depression
You probably know that I have 5 (half) siblings. This means that there are at least 5 people running around in this world who are crazy and brilliant in ways I can relate to directly. A few years back, I visited my little sister in Brooklyn. We talked for about 6 hours straight, and then she let out a big sigh.
Me: What's the matter.
Her: I have to break up with my boyfriend.
Me: Why?
Her: Because I can't talk with him the way I can talk with you.
Do I need to point out what's wrong with her thinking? No, I think you can see it. Sure, the relationship had other problems, and you should be able to have great conversation with your partner, but, well, anyway, I never got to know that boyfriend.
My brother is going through a terrible divorce. My heart aches when I think about those little girls. I would probably take them in if for some reason that made sense. (A terrifying thought -- to get a family I believe I want!) He shares a lot of his deepest feelings with me, and I give him a lot of advice. Because, while he's older than I am, his impulses are to make mistakes I would make. And I'm able to see that when they aren't my impulses. (Obviously I am not able to share details.)
All of which is to say that two of my siblings have been depressed lately. It's not a surprise; it's genetic. But, I believe, for myself (and presumably that extends to them), there's a natural cure.
My mom recently gave me a book on yoga posses to cure whatever ails you. The book explains that neurotic and self-destructive behavior (such as isolating yourself, drinking, smoking, and over-eating) block the depressions ability to serve its purpose and transform you out of that feeling. We might also tell ourselves stories where everything that might possibly make us feel happy again is impossible: "I can't make new friends" or "I can't buy a bicycle." But ultimately, the book appears to suggest meditation (and yoga in general) to help bring to surface repressed emotions that are causing the depression.
I've got my own program. Here's what I suggest:
* one hour of exercise every day: walking, biking, swimming, yoga, whatever...
* meaningful conversations with two different people every day. in person is best, but by phone is an ok substitute sometimes.
* avoid refined sugar, alcohol and caffeine. in particular, avoid all depressants (like alcohol). with stimulants, whatever brings you up will also drop you down.
* eat protein.
* drink water (6-8 glasses per day?).
Activity ideas (all are optional):
* remember something that made you happy in the past and do that.
* a change of scenery -- of course, "where ever you go, there you are." But sometimes a change of scenery can break us out of destructive patterns of thinking.
* positive affirmations
* learn something new -- take a class, get a book from the library, find a mentor on the internet.
You can chat on the phone while walking and sipping water. You have to eat anyway, right? So, you might as well do it with friends and make it healthy. My program shouldn't take much time if you do it efficiently. Get well soon so we can be happy together.
Me: What's the matter.
Her: I have to break up with my boyfriend.
Me: Why?
Her: Because I can't talk with him the way I can talk with you.
Do I need to point out what's wrong with her thinking? No, I think you can see it. Sure, the relationship had other problems, and you should be able to have great conversation with your partner, but, well, anyway, I never got to know that boyfriend.
My brother is going through a terrible divorce. My heart aches when I think about those little girls. I would probably take them in if for some reason that made sense. (A terrifying thought -- to get a family I believe I want!) He shares a lot of his deepest feelings with me, and I give him a lot of advice. Because, while he's older than I am, his impulses are to make mistakes I would make. And I'm able to see that when they aren't my impulses. (Obviously I am not able to share details.)
All of which is to say that two of my siblings have been depressed lately. It's not a surprise; it's genetic. But, I believe, for myself (and presumably that extends to them), there's a natural cure.
My mom recently gave me a book on yoga posses to cure whatever ails you. The book explains that neurotic and self-destructive behavior (such as isolating yourself, drinking, smoking, and over-eating) block the depressions ability to serve its purpose and transform you out of that feeling. We might also tell ourselves stories where everything that might possibly make us feel happy again is impossible: "I can't make new friends" or "I can't buy a bicycle." But ultimately, the book appears to suggest meditation (and yoga in general) to help bring to surface repressed emotions that are causing the depression.
I've got my own program. Here's what I suggest:
* one hour of exercise every day: walking, biking, swimming, yoga, whatever...
* meaningful conversations with two different people every day. in person is best, but by phone is an ok substitute sometimes.
* avoid refined sugar, alcohol and caffeine. in particular, avoid all depressants (like alcohol). with stimulants, whatever brings you up will also drop you down.
* eat protein.
* drink water (6-8 glasses per day?).
Activity ideas (all are optional):
* remember something that made you happy in the past and do that.
* a change of scenery -- of course, "where ever you go, there you are." But sometimes a change of scenery can break us out of destructive patterns of thinking.
* positive affirmations
* learn something new -- take a class, get a book from the library, find a mentor on the internet.
You can chat on the phone while walking and sipping water. You have to eat anyway, right? So, you might as well do it with friends and make it healthy. My program shouldn't take much time if you do it efficiently. Get well soon so we can be happy together.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Revolutionary Road
Sultan took me to see Revolutionary Road. The last movie we saw together was The Dutchess. Both are about miserable relationships. I do not believe he intends any message, but maybe someone else does. (Sultan is happily married.)
In RR, I completely empathized with all characters. The actors gave amazing performances. Even the cinematography was beautiful. I don't want to watch it again. Sultan said, "It makes you grateful for what you don't have."
I had kind of a bad day. I missed a meeting this morning bc no one told me about it and then was late to our team lunch. My mother flaked out on me by not planning her time well. My hip was stabbed by the metal gate at Mountain View transit center -- it seriously hurt!
So, I went to yoga where I realized all kinds of things including that one big thing we want from our relationships is to have someone to come home to when we've had a bad day. I think I need to study up bc I have certainly messed that up a bunch of times.
Pandora Radio fades in and out of my everyday experience. It's Patty Griffin Radio today. At this very moment, 10 Million Miles is playing. I also find Be Careful deeply moving.
In RR, I completely empathized with all characters. The actors gave amazing performances. Even the cinematography was beautiful. I don't want to watch it again. Sultan said, "It makes you grateful for what you don't have."
I had kind of a bad day. I missed a meeting this morning bc no one told me about it and then was late to our team lunch. My mother flaked out on me by not planning her time well. My hip was stabbed by the metal gate at Mountain View transit center -- it seriously hurt!
So, I went to yoga where I realized all kinds of things including that one big thing we want from our relationships is to have someone to come home to when we've had a bad day. I think I need to study up bc I have certainly messed that up a bunch of times.
Pandora Radio fades in and out of my everyday experience. It's Patty Griffin Radio today. At this very moment, 10 Million Miles is playing. I also find Be Careful deeply moving.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The World's Not Falling Apart
Dar Williams: The World's Not Falling Apart (song lyrics)
Welcome to the golden age of speed with grace
Waiting for the angry gods to smite our race
I logged on to Africa in just one day
I opened a door and that's OK
It's not an end it's just a start
Not an end it's just a start
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I have watched the kids who make their scenes
I have met the riot girls who print their zines
They write the word, they raise a thought
They say who they are, they try what they're not
Because life is such a changing art
Life is such a changing art
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
The closest thing to God that i have heard
Is when i knew i did not have the final word
You say the world has lost it's love
I say embrace what it's made of
I'll snake a camera to your heart
Snake a camera to your heart
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I listen to Dar a lot especially when I am looking for answers. She seems to provide them. I went to yoga tonight at my gym. I heard people ask for various emphases: hamstrings, knee strengthening; but I didn't hear anyone ask for digestive assistance. She may have thought that one up on her own. During savasana, she talked about how letting go feels painful, but it opens us up to new things.
My team at work is great. The other teams can be more of a challenge for us. Today, I learned that two other teams made a series of decisions about my project without telling me (or presumably anyone on my team or they would have told me I hope). Planning is something you *have to do* between the conception of an idea and its construction. I think I managed to talk them into actually incorporating our collaboratively-determined plans into their manifestation.
My first thought when I learned of their initial decision without me was "can I break up with these people?" Because breaking up can get habit forming. After I broke up with Grayson, I felt inclined to fire my employees at the end of each day. They didn't think that joke was very funny. I don't know why. You probably know that I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. (considering that I have exactly 6 readers -- I assume you all know me.) I don't usually break up with people because I can't stand hurting people's feelings, but sometimes a woman is pushed to her limit. So, I realized that my first temptation with these other teams was to dump them out of habit.
Of course, that isn't possible. And this is probably a really good life lesson. I tend to overexamine ideas until they are transparent like thin mountain air, and then I follow my gut. I've talked about that a lot -- I read a study that said that's the best way to make decisions. I also learned in Stumbling on Happiness (which I listened to on my iPod bc like everyone else I no longer read.
Actually, that merits a tangent. Did you read the article that claimed that we as a society no longer read, and it's Google's fault? I didn't. I listened to a podcast of people talking about it. Case in point. Sorry, I can't find the source -- maybe the Washington Post???)
...that we cannot predict our own happiness. The best gauge of what will make us happy is to examine where other people have found happiness. That's tricky because I don't know that many happy people who I admire enough to emulate. But I do think that staying in a relationship being miserable can't possibly be the right thing to do. When Jared broke up with me in 2006, I believed it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. My sister told me that if, after a while, we both came to the conclusion that we should be together, we would certainly find our way back together again. But, of course, instead we both got over it and moved on. I suspect me more than him since I cyberstalked him once since we split up, and my tracker suggests that he reads this blog with some regularity.
On the other hand (isn't there always another hand? How many hands do we really need?), I've heard couples say that they "just let it get away" which makes me wonder if love is really so unstable. Or, rather, why it is? My mother clipped an article for me from National Geographic that said that the average feeling of being "in love" lasts up to 4 years because that's how long it takes for a child to be conceived and grow to no longer be completely dependent on its parents. Interesting, this is consistent with Brian's theory about our modern lives breaking up naturally into 5-year cycles. I can see my life breaking up into segments, but they don't necessarily have to do with any particular relationship or standard time period.
I no longer believe in true love or destiny, but I do believe that if I listen to my gut, even if what it is telling me hurts, I will find my right path.
Welcome to the golden age of speed with grace
Waiting for the angry gods to smite our race
I logged on to Africa in just one day
I opened a door and that's OK
It's not an end it's just a start
Not an end it's just a start
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I have watched the kids who make their scenes
I have met the riot girls who print their zines
They write the word, they raise a thought
They say who they are, they try what they're not
Because life is such a changing art
Life is such a changing art
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
The closest thing to God that i have heard
Is when i knew i did not have the final word
You say the world has lost it's love
I say embrace what it's made of
I'll snake a camera to your heart
Snake a camera to your heart
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I listen to Dar a lot especially when I am looking for answers. She seems to provide them. I went to yoga tonight at my gym. I heard people ask for various emphases: hamstrings, knee strengthening; but I didn't hear anyone ask for digestive assistance. She may have thought that one up on her own. During savasana, she talked about how letting go feels painful, but it opens us up to new things.
My team at work is great. The other teams can be more of a challenge for us. Today, I learned that two other teams made a series of decisions about my project without telling me (or presumably anyone on my team or they would have told me I hope). Planning is something you *have to do* between the conception of an idea and its construction. I think I managed to talk them into actually incorporating our collaboratively-determined plans into their manifestation.
My first thought when I learned of their initial decision without me was "can I break up with these people?" Because breaking up can get habit forming. After I broke up with Grayson, I felt inclined to fire my employees at the end of each day. They didn't think that joke was very funny. I don't know why. You probably know that I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. (considering that I have exactly 6 readers -- I assume you all know me.) I don't usually break up with people because I can't stand hurting people's feelings, but sometimes a woman is pushed to her limit. So, I realized that my first temptation with these other teams was to dump them out of habit.
Of course, that isn't possible. And this is probably a really good life lesson. I tend to overexamine ideas until they are transparent like thin mountain air, and then I follow my gut. I've talked about that a lot -- I read a study that said that's the best way to make decisions. I also learned in Stumbling on Happiness (which I listened to on my iPod bc like everyone else I no longer read.
Actually, that merits a tangent. Did you read the article that claimed that we as a society no longer read, and it's Google's fault? I didn't. I listened to a podcast of people talking about it. Case in point. Sorry, I can't find the source -- maybe the Washington Post???)
...that we cannot predict our own happiness. The best gauge of what will make us happy is to examine where other people have found happiness. That's tricky because I don't know that many happy people who I admire enough to emulate. But I do think that staying in a relationship being miserable can't possibly be the right thing to do. When Jared broke up with me in 2006, I believed it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. My sister told me that if, after a while, we both came to the conclusion that we should be together, we would certainly find our way back together again. But, of course, instead we both got over it and moved on. I suspect me more than him since I cyberstalked him once since we split up, and my tracker suggests that he reads this blog with some regularity.
On the other hand (isn't there always another hand? How many hands do we really need?), I've heard couples say that they "just let it get away" which makes me wonder if love is really so unstable. Or, rather, why it is? My mother clipped an article for me from National Geographic that said that the average feeling of being "in love" lasts up to 4 years because that's how long it takes for a child to be conceived and grow to no longer be completely dependent on its parents. Interesting, this is consistent with Brian's theory about our modern lives breaking up naturally into 5-year cycles. I can see my life breaking up into segments, but they don't necessarily have to do with any particular relationship or standard time period.
I no longer believe in true love or destiny, but I do believe that if I listen to my gut, even if what it is telling me hurts, I will find my right path.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Pirates, tea and foot massage (HK 2&3)
Foot massage is a normal nightlife activity here. Last night, we sat in a pleather comfy chairs with huge orange pillows in a row to wait for and then receive our massages. They bring you a cup of tea to drink. They put your feet into a bucket of tea (or at least it looks like tea), then they rub your feet and calves. I could have gone for more feet rubbing. Today I have big bruises on one of my calves.
Juliette loves tea. From our comfy chairs, I commented: one sure does drink a lot of tea here – you chose well for yourself.
J: Because of the tea? Welcome to China.
OK, my comment was stupid. But her tone was pretty funny.
After our massages, she tricked me into getting a drink. That is, she said we were getting one and then ordered an ice cream. Under her advisement, I got a Singapore sling. We sat outside in a narrow passage decorated with xmas lights at a bar called the Baby Buddha in SoHo.
Hong Kong isn’t very big. It is very 3-dimentional. It’s a tall Seattle but narrow between the mountain and the water; so, there isn’t much room to build. They expanded up these steep steep hills, and I imagine this area originally offered cheaper land that was close but work to reach. As the area developed further (with more 30+ story buildings!), the city added the escalator increasing the value of all the properties up here. Juliette added that the escalator also created this very trendy neighborhood along side it. I think that’s sometimes called gentrification.
It’s very Rear Window here in the apartment. I just realized that the hugantic building across the way has ledges and spent some time imagining how I would handle it if I got stuck on one. Existential anxiety be damned. I solve problems. It isn’t enough to believe for a moment I have thrown myself in front of a train or gotten my self stuck on a ledge. I want to figure out how I would get out of a situation like that. I might have to break a window even if I couldn’t climb inside it. Anyway, someone from a nearby building would definitely see me and call for help….
I saw a bus today in need of a wrap. The copy said something like: “Get your message moving”.
I’ve had trouble getting fruits and vegetables here, but not today. The tap water tastes like dirt. I keep walking on the wrong side of the walkways. Boarding the metro is standard (boarders at the sides, alighters in the middle) but I’ve been having trouble even remembering that. About half the highrises are painted pink.
Today, I went to the former pirate island of Cheung Chau. That’s where I found all the bikes! I even saw several grown ups riding bikes with training wheels. I hiked around and saw a “cave” (really just a gap in some boulders) and a “leaning rock”, jumped from rock to rock over waves, ate fish for lunch, and explored the little town. Photos will tell more.
Once I’d pretty much worn myself out, I headed back to the ferry terminal. I had 10 minutes to kill; so, I decided to get some cake for the ride. I read in the guidebook about giving people things (business cards, in the guidebook) with both hands and bowing a little (good manners, HK style). Last night at the massage place, I noticed this is how J gave her person the tip. So, today when I received my change and cake from the little bakery man, I gave it a shot. It shot through me. Receiving that cake and change felt like a profound experience, like a real “namaste”.
Juliette loves tea. From our comfy chairs, I commented: one sure does drink a lot of tea here – you chose well for yourself.
J: Because of the tea? Welcome to China.
OK, my comment was stupid. But her tone was pretty funny.
After our massages, she tricked me into getting a drink. That is, she said we were getting one and then ordered an ice cream. Under her advisement, I got a Singapore sling. We sat outside in a narrow passage decorated with xmas lights at a bar called the Baby Buddha in SoHo.
Hong Kong isn’t very big. It is very 3-dimentional. It’s a tall Seattle but narrow between the mountain and the water; so, there isn’t much room to build. They expanded up these steep steep hills, and I imagine this area originally offered cheaper land that was close but work to reach. As the area developed further (with more 30+ story buildings!), the city added the escalator increasing the value of all the properties up here. Juliette added that the escalator also created this very trendy neighborhood along side it. I think that’s sometimes called gentrification.
It’s very Rear Window here in the apartment. I just realized that the hugantic building across the way has ledges and spent some time imagining how I would handle it if I got stuck on one. Existential anxiety be damned. I solve problems. It isn’t enough to believe for a moment I have thrown myself in front of a train or gotten my self stuck on a ledge. I want to figure out how I would get out of a situation like that. I might have to break a window even if I couldn’t climb inside it. Anyway, someone from a nearby building would definitely see me and call for help….
I saw a bus today in need of a wrap. The copy said something like: “Get your message moving”.
I’ve had trouble getting fruits and vegetables here, but not today. The tap water tastes like dirt. I keep walking on the wrong side of the walkways. Boarding the metro is standard (boarders at the sides, alighters in the middle) but I’ve been having trouble even remembering that. About half the highrises are painted pink.
Today, I went to the former pirate island of Cheung Chau. That’s where I found all the bikes! I even saw several grown ups riding bikes with training wheels. I hiked around and saw a “cave” (really just a gap in some boulders) and a “leaning rock”, jumped from rock to rock over waves, ate fish for lunch, and explored the little town. Photos will tell more.
Once I’d pretty much worn myself out, I headed back to the ferry terminal. I had 10 minutes to kill; so, I decided to get some cake for the ride. I read in the guidebook about giving people things (business cards, in the guidebook) with both hands and bowing a little (good manners, HK style). Last night at the massage place, I noticed this is how J gave her person the tip. So, today when I received my change and cake from the little bakery man, I gave it a shot. It shot through me. Receiving that cake and change felt like a profound experience, like a real “namaste”.
Friday, October 19, 2007
NEWFLASH: Indecision Hurts
"It hurts to even think of those days. The damage we do by the hopes that we raise."
-Aimee Mann
I'm goofing around so far today when there are about a million things I should be doing. I should cut myself some slack. I work a lot.
I'm listening to my podcasts. Mr. Manners just reviewed how to handle holiday scheduling. He said something I found remarkable: it can be more hurtful to waffle and then not show up than to be clear about your plans from the beginning. Thinking about this, I realize it's true of many aspects of life.
Friends/Family -- Mr. Manners covered this.
Employment -- I used to apply for every job I found, and see how many offers I could get and play them off each other. A few years ago, I learned that this is inconsiderate to my potential employers who spend time reviewing my application and getting offers approved by their board (for example) without knowing my ambivalence. Likewise, it doesn't make sense for employers to interview me once and sometimes even twice when they still have a number of candidates under review. My time is valuable, even more so when I am consulting (either for myself or for a firm). Both employers and their applicants should limit their inquiries to only when there is real interest and seek out mechanisms to determine their interest (like tests or networking) before taking up each other's time.
Promotion -- Along the same lines, employers shouldn't put employees up for promotion unless they sincerely believe the employee will get it. I've seen this happen a few times, and in every case, it has led either to the employee leaving or to needing a great deal of damage control to keep them. Save everyone a lot of time and heartbreak and communicate your opinion/concerns up front.
Dating -- We all know that that period when a relationship is ending is the worst, much worse than before and after it. Likewise, I have wasted a lot of time (and missed other opportunities) thinking about boys who just "aren't that into me" but string me along (probably to "save my feelings"). Human nature is complicated, but wouldn't it be great if we could get to know each other as friends and see if a strong emotional/physical connection evolves? ...and see if there is potential for a deeper partnership with the person?
Housing -- I've even had the experience of being delayed by potential housemates not being clear about their level of interest in joining the household. In this case, like with employment, the risk is deeper bc basic human needs (money, shelter) are involved. (Altho the stakes aren't as potentially emotional devastating as the end of a relationship.)
In sum, humans are complicated. Future needs and feelings mysterious. But that's all that much more reason to act deliberately. Get to know people. Meditate and get plenty of sleep so that you know what you really think. Don't over- or under-express yourself. Respect people's time including travel time. Pay attention and remember your observations. Keep your eye on the big picture.
-Aimee Mann
I'm goofing around so far today when there are about a million things I should be doing. I should cut myself some slack. I work a lot.
I'm listening to my podcasts. Mr. Manners just reviewed how to handle holiday scheduling. He said something I found remarkable: it can be more hurtful to waffle and then not show up than to be clear about your plans from the beginning. Thinking about this, I realize it's true of many aspects of life.
Friends/Family -- Mr. Manners covered this.
Employment -- I used to apply for every job I found, and see how many offers I could get and play them off each other. A few years ago, I learned that this is inconsiderate to my potential employers who spend time reviewing my application and getting offers approved by their board (for example) without knowing my ambivalence. Likewise, it doesn't make sense for employers to interview me once and sometimes even twice when they still have a number of candidates under review. My time is valuable, even more so when I am consulting (either for myself or for a firm). Both employers and their applicants should limit their inquiries to only when there is real interest and seek out mechanisms to determine their interest (like tests or networking) before taking up each other's time.
Promotion -- Along the same lines, employers shouldn't put employees up for promotion unless they sincerely believe the employee will get it. I've seen this happen a few times, and in every case, it has led either to the employee leaving or to needing a great deal of damage control to keep them. Save everyone a lot of time and heartbreak and communicate your opinion/concerns up front.
Dating -- We all know that that period when a relationship is ending is the worst, much worse than before and after it. Likewise, I have wasted a lot of time (and missed other opportunities) thinking about boys who just "aren't that into me" but string me along (probably to "save my feelings"). Human nature is complicated, but wouldn't it be great if we could get to know each other as friends and see if a strong emotional/physical connection evolves? ...and see if there is potential for a deeper partnership with the person?
Housing -- I've even had the experience of being delayed by potential housemates not being clear about their level of interest in joining the household. In this case, like with employment, the risk is deeper bc basic human needs (money, shelter) are involved. (Altho the stakes aren't as potentially emotional devastating as the end of a relationship.)
In sum, humans are complicated. Future needs and feelings mysterious. But that's all that much more reason to act deliberately. Get to know people. Meditate and get plenty of sleep so that you know what you really think. Don't over- or under-express yourself. Respect people's time including travel time. Pay attention and remember your observations. Keep your eye on the big picture.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Remembering Yourself
When I can't do yoga on Sunday, I usually do it on Friday. I always have lots of "deep thoughts" at yoga class -- either self realizations or things the teacher said. Yesterday, she said that we are not looking to improve ourselves through practice, we are looking to remember ourselves. I have spent so much of my life trying to "be better" but I'm just learning that I can't be any better. I just want to be myself perfectly.
As I was having these thoughts after yoga, I had another thought. I did a lot of walking on Thursday. Wednesday, I biked home from work (about 40 miles). My body was more sore from all that walking than from the bike ride. My back hurt. I felt twisted. When I bike, I get a pinch in my neck, but my body feels completely in line. That's not the case when I propel myself independently.
As I type this, I can see a metaphor emerging. I need people, mechanisms, structure to function healthily. My desire for freedom makes me wish I could work for myself, but my need for structure and others makes that unrealistic. I don't think it's about being extroverted (because I'm not). It's like Dar Williams said:
"Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
"And I like the whole truth
"But there are nights I only need forgiveness"
These aren't things you can give yourself: reflection, witness, truth, forgiveness. You need to get them from others.
So, I was having these thoughts, and I realized that I'd completely forgotten the first thought about remembering yourself. I searched my brain for what it had been. After a moment, it came to me, but immediately I lost the second thought, about walking and the bicycle. I began to wonder if my brain can only hold on to one idea at a time... as if it has only one hand or no opposable thumbs. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, but I need to write everything down, set alarms for myself on my electronic calendar, keep lists. I was tired and disoriented after yoga class yesterday which is pretty common -- sometimes I walk into walls.
As I was having these thoughts after yoga, I had another thought. I did a lot of walking on Thursday. Wednesday, I biked home from work (about 40 miles). My body was more sore from all that walking than from the bike ride. My back hurt. I felt twisted. When I bike, I get a pinch in my neck, but my body feels completely in line. That's not the case when I propel myself independently.
As I type this, I can see a metaphor emerging. I need people, mechanisms, structure to function healthily. My desire for freedom makes me wish I could work for myself, but my need for structure and others makes that unrealistic. I don't think it's about being extroverted (because I'm not). It's like Dar Williams said:
"Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
"And I like the whole truth
"But there are nights I only need forgiveness"
These aren't things you can give yourself: reflection, witness, truth, forgiveness. You need to get them from others.
So, I was having these thoughts, and I realized that I'd completely forgotten the first thought about remembering yourself. I searched my brain for what it had been. After a moment, it came to me, but immediately I lost the second thought, about walking and the bicycle. I began to wonder if my brain can only hold on to one idea at a time... as if it has only one hand or no opposable thumbs. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, but I need to write everything down, set alarms for myself on my electronic calendar, keep lists. I was tired and disoriented after yoga class yesterday which is pretty common -- sometimes I walk into walls.
Friday, June 08, 2007
Ramblings from the paper scraps and on truth and happiness
Billy Jean King called herself an “adaptive perfectionist”.
“I’d much rather be happy than right any day.” –The Hitchikers’ Guide to the Galaxy
How did I miss this book? (I’ll tell you how, my mother doesn’t like it. She expresses her very strong opinions so that if I had wanted to read that book, I would have had to hide it from her.
I have 2 brief asides to this observation.
1) My mother has this issue with purple, the color. I love it, but whenever I have had anything purple in my house or on my person, she’s mentioned it in a disapproving way, and then repeated brought up the incident. "Remember that time you wore that bright purple sweater," she laughs disdainfully. Recently, I asked her: “what does purple represent that you dislike so much? No color merits scorn without a reason?” She didn’t really have an answer, but she hasn’t brought it up again since then.
2) I read “The Lovely Bones” a while back, and wrote a review of it here. It was my copy, and I used a black pen to underline my favorite lines. Now I use pencil, but that’s not the point. When I was finished, I gave the copy to my mother knowing that she would enjoy reading it. She forgot her copy had come from me and told me later that she thought some kind of idiot had underlined in her copy.)
Anyway, I watched the movie the other night and completely loved it. I own 2 movies now, and I’m not growing a collection, but I next time I see this DVD for sale, I will definitely buy it. I’m also planning to read the book when I finish The End of Mr. Y.
Listening to my podcasts recently, I learn about the recent trend for mayors to take over the government of schools from school boards. I also believe that the decisions of RIDES’ (my former NPO employer) board led to its demise. Tracey has mentioned that the NPO board-government structure dilutes the effectiveness of advocacy organizations. It’s certainly true that one strong leader will always be more effective than a committee – I don’t think that’s a radical thing to say. I wonder what this trend means about our changing society: will schools become stronger led by mayors? Will they become a political force as their leaders have access to their mayor’s ear? Will group government fade out in other organizations? Will that ultimately increase their effectiveness as I suspect?
I remembered my second yoga paraphrase from last week: “Don’t believe everything you think. People who believe everything they think are crazy. People who believe some of what they think, which is most of us, are neurotic.” I subscribe to a lot of Post Modern thought, and I generally believe that there is no truth, that everything is subjective. I just don’t always remember that in the heat of a theory:
1. Demand for transportation is inelastic.
2. Ex-boyfriend X wasn’t special enough.
3. Never pay retail.
(for example). I like the metaphor of truth being like water: as it flows, it generally, but not absolutely, holds one shape while the water molecules change. Similarly, I’ve learned that it’s easier to find happiness if I don’t get too attached to what it’s going to look like.
“I’d much rather be happy than right any day.” –The Hitchikers’ Guide to the Galaxy
How did I miss this book? (I’ll tell you how, my mother doesn’t like it. She expresses her very strong opinions so that if I had wanted to read that book, I would have had to hide it from her.
I have 2 brief asides to this observation.
1) My mother has this issue with purple, the color. I love it, but whenever I have had anything purple in my house or on my person, she’s mentioned it in a disapproving way, and then repeated brought up the incident. "Remember that time you wore that bright purple sweater," she laughs disdainfully. Recently, I asked her: “what does purple represent that you dislike so much? No color merits scorn without a reason?” She didn’t really have an answer, but she hasn’t brought it up again since then.
2) I read “The Lovely Bones” a while back, and wrote a review of it here. It was my copy, and I used a black pen to underline my favorite lines. Now I use pencil, but that’s not the point. When I was finished, I gave the copy to my mother knowing that she would enjoy reading it. She forgot her copy had come from me and told me later that she thought some kind of idiot had underlined in her copy.)
Anyway, I watched the movie the other night and completely loved it. I own 2 movies now, and I’m not growing a collection, but I next time I see this DVD for sale, I will definitely buy it. I’m also planning to read the book when I finish The End of Mr. Y.
Listening to my podcasts recently, I learn about the recent trend for mayors to take over the government of schools from school boards. I also believe that the decisions of RIDES’ (my former NPO employer) board led to its demise. Tracey has mentioned that the NPO board-government structure dilutes the effectiveness of advocacy organizations. It’s certainly true that one strong leader will always be more effective than a committee – I don’t think that’s a radical thing to say. I wonder what this trend means about our changing society: will schools become stronger led by mayors? Will they become a political force as their leaders have access to their mayor’s ear? Will group government fade out in other organizations? Will that ultimately increase their effectiveness as I suspect?
I remembered my second yoga paraphrase from last week: “Don’t believe everything you think. People who believe everything they think are crazy. People who believe some of what they think, which is most of us, are neurotic.” I subscribe to a lot of Post Modern thought, and I generally believe that there is no truth, that everything is subjective. I just don’t always remember that in the heat of a theory:
1. Demand for transportation is inelastic.
2. Ex-boyfriend X wasn’t special enough.
3. Never pay retail.
(for example). I like the metaphor of truth being like water: as it flows, it generally, but not absolutely, holds one shape while the water molecules change. Similarly, I’ve learned that it’s easier to find happiness if I don’t get too attached to what it’s going to look like.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
A Complete Lack of Moss
My mother pointed out, from her chateau hideout in the French countryside, that there’s no moss growing around me. Thursday was an intense day of sailing before the quarterly membership meeting. I pulled some muscles, and I think I sprained my hand. I’m almost better now. Much wind and waves pushed us around. I capsized, tho the boat itself righted, and I am here to report that those lifejacket thingies actually do make you float even fully, warmly, heavily, and wetly clothed. Karen said I “sacrificed” myself – I hope she and Jason were grateful! Although, truthfully, she, wetsuited, sacrificed herself a few times.
The food at the dinner tasted completely amazing. I don’t know how they did it. Chicken, Moroccan bean soup thingy, tabuli, baklava, hummus, homemade pita… YUM! Jason said I reminded him of the character Marion Ravenwood from Indian Jones (“who drank men under the table and put Indiana Jones out with a kiss”) – my new favorite compliment ever. But mostly we cried the whole time because Tyler wasn’t there.
I already told you about Friday. Saturday night, I saw Hairspray in Dolores Park with Gabe. It was possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen but fun anyway. Again, it misted on us, but we had blankets and hot toddy.
Today, Sultan and I looked at real estate in Dogpatch. Wouldn’t it be so awesome to say you live in a neighborhood called “Dogpatch”? Unfortunately, we only found lofts to look at, and I don’t want a loft.
Tonight I went to yoga. Yoga paraphrase:
• If you run away from a thing, it will find you anyway. If you let it in, it will transform you.
The second one eludes me at the moment, but it might have had something to do with letting yourself feel what you feel and not being afraid of that. Let yourself soften and accept what the world throws you. I guess that’s like making lemonade out of lemons.
Random fact: John Edwards won over his wife on their first date by kissing her on the forehead, and he doesn’t use any hair product at all – not even conditioner.
The food at the dinner tasted completely amazing. I don’t know how they did it. Chicken, Moroccan bean soup thingy, tabuli, baklava, hummus, homemade pita… YUM! Jason said I reminded him of the character Marion Ravenwood from Indian Jones (“who drank men under the table and put Indiana Jones out with a kiss”) – my new favorite compliment ever. But mostly we cried the whole time because Tyler wasn’t there.
I already told you about Friday. Saturday night, I saw Hairspray in Dolores Park with Gabe. It was possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen but fun anyway. Again, it misted on us, but we had blankets and hot toddy.
Today, Sultan and I looked at real estate in Dogpatch. Wouldn’t it be so awesome to say you live in a neighborhood called “Dogpatch”? Unfortunately, we only found lofts to look at, and I don’t want a loft.
Tonight I went to yoga. Yoga paraphrase:
• If you run away from a thing, it will find you anyway. If you let it in, it will transform you.
The second one eludes me at the moment, but it might have had something to do with letting yourself feel what you feel and not being afraid of that. Let yourself soften and accept what the world throws you. I guess that’s like making lemonade out of lemons.
Random fact: John Edwards won over his wife on their first date by kissing her on the forehead, and he doesn’t use any hair product at all – not even conditioner.
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