Sue Grafton

I learned today that Sue Grafton began writing her enormously successful murder mystery novels in response to anger at her husband:
"She got the idea for her first mystery novel while she was in the middle of a custody battle with her second husband. She started fantasizing about murdering him, but she said, "I knew I couldn't pull it off. So I decided to just put this in a book and get paid for it." She took five years to write the novel, and she spent a lot of that time researching things such as insurance fraud, toxicology, how to pick a lock, and how to handle a gun. She finally published the book in 1982 as "A" Is for Alibi, and it was a huge success." -The Writers' Almanac
Talk about constructive channeling of destructive forces!

When I had my first humilation (that felt like heartbreak, but I wasn't ready yet for that!) in college, I began running. I imagined each stomp of my foot on to the earth to be squashing his head. I ended up with shin splints. (I would give that an "A" for effort anyway.)

I think the humor intended in my last post may not have been completely transparent. That said, I've been thinking more about my own capacity for change, and I realized that I've actually changed a lot. For example, I used to think that if I just waited long enough and wished hard enough that I could make someone love me who doesn't. I must have thought I was fundimentally Lovable that time might make that clear to others. I still have little jokes I like to say along these lines ("Have you SEEN me?") but I also know that it doesn't make anything better to try to convince someone to love me. In fact, it messes with the power dynamic in a destructive way, and nobody wins.

Believe it or not, I'm kind of tired of talking about relationships. I want off this pony ride. My dolly is tired of this game....