Dear President Bush

[source unknown to me]

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue
States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of
the North East States, and the urban half of Ohio.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to
almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of
California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift
the whole country at 4:30 PM EST this Friday. Therefore, please let
everyone know they need to be back in their states by then. God is
going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood. In addition, we're
getting San Diego. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting
you have the KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice,
pro-gay marriage, and antiwar. Speaking of war, we're going to need
all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in
Fallujah, just ask your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids
they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets
coming home.

So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the
Governator and stem cell research. (We would love you to take Britney
Spears off our hands, though. She IS from the South, right?)

Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night
TV shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan
O'Brien. You get... well, why don't you ask your people at Fox News to
come up with something entertaining? (Maybe you should just watch
Crossfire. That's a really funny show.)

We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.
Soon.

Sincerely,
California

*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never
stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and
neither do we."
-President George W. Bush in Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004