Turned tables

So, you remember the story from January where I had to break up with this guy I’d been out on 2 dates with? You might also recall me mentioning The Professor. Well, earlier this week, The Professor broke up with me – he’s gotten serious with someone else and isn’t the kind of guy to have more than one thing going.

I’m sure context is everything, but, by comparison with my January breakup, I replied to The Professor (paraphrased so as not to include too much information): “You’re so sweet. Of course, I want to be friends. I mean, I thought we were friends. I’m happy for you.”

I’m not holding myself as some kind of model when being broken up with. I’m most certainly not. Trust me! But these situations were somewhat similar – only a few dates but for various reasons it was still important to say something. In examining them and other breakups, the answer might be in reach (how much you’ve given to the relationship considering your comfort level with giving that without anything in return) or expectations (how much you hoped the relationship would continue and grow). I guess in a way the two are related since you wouldn’t give too much if you didn’t believe in the relationship. But it seems like we should date people we want to be friends with (that is, unless they’ve ripped your heart out and spat on it) – at least, that’s why I was confused by my January man. The psychobabble might be that the healthy approach to dating is to believe in the possibilities without over-reaching. This reminds me of a poem I have on the bulletin board in my kitchen:

even after all this time,

the sun never says to the earth

you owe me.

look what happens

with a love like that:

It lights up the whole sky.

hafiz

Yeah, so, I don’t know how to do that, but it’s good to have goals. I feel like I just, this hung over morning, changed stages. I wonder if it will stick, and what’s next.