More thoughts on my favorite topic

Scientific American: relationships are what makes funny. One example given was Seinfeld. I’m not sure of the exact source.

I had a moment of clarity the other day about… you guessed it: relationships. The problem is that I don’t know exactly which words to use to describe it. But I think a key to a health relationship, to one that builds all parties up rather than takes them down, is democracy. That is, decisions are made together. Starting from the problem, and onto a un-pre-determined solution, determining together what will work for both people. This can be anything from what to do on Saturday to whether or not to continue the Relationship.

I’ve been with a different person each year for the past 4 years. The closeness (in time) of these relationships provides an unusual perspective on relationships, since everyone is so different. For example, 2004-2006 lacked democracy (although 2004 made up for it when I brought it to his attention). Countless studies have found that boys aren’t inclined towards collaboration. I also think that I’m attracted to pig-headedness. However, not all my boyfriends have approached our relationship undemocratically.

I had another sort of revelation recently. I love my gallery. I love sailing. I love jogging. I love my apartment. I love the articles I write. I love the study I’ve been contracted to do. I love my friends and my family. I love San Francisco. I love riding a bicycle. Basically, I love my life. Inviting anyone to be a closer part of my life would be such a big gamble, since I recently experienced so much unhappiness from doing that, I wonder if it would ever be worth that gamble. My happiness feels so precious and fragile; I want to protect it.

Carolyn tells me that I am significantly happier when I have a boyfriend. She also tells me that I was “profoundly unhappy” in my last relationship. So, where does that leave me? Well, I don’t know. I do know that I have developed a bit of distain for this idea of Love. It’s like Tam and I were saying last night: I always cry at weddings but not necessarily at funerals. Good things are dangerous – the more you have, the more you have to lose. And I don’t want people I love to lose that much. So, living in a place of having lost already is much safer.