Given the rainy day and my hangover, I watched a movie this afternoon, Trainspotting. So much better than last night but I had to pause a few points because I was so disgusted with the needles and the shit. This movie is painful to watch. At the end, the main character steals the money from his friends and runs off for a new life -- he chooses life, in his own words. And it was clear that unless he did something horrible like that, there was no way he was going to get out from under their destructiveness. This act made it necessary for him to stay away.
This reminded me of a phenomenon I learned about from Friends (the TV show) when a guy acts like a total jerk so his girlfriend will break up with him and he doesn't have to do it. Or even how our bodies, when we're sick, make us smell bad to keep others away. Obviously, a kind person would not use this kind of mechanism intentionally, but the Ewan McGregor character never claimed to be a kind person. I like kind people, and I intend to be one. That said, a lot can be said for subconscious sabotage especially when one is pushed to the wall.
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