Emotional Maturity

Life is funny. Two months ago, I had my heart completely broken. Tonight, I had to break up with someone. In the past, I would have just not returned his phone calls, but Brian said that’s bad “dating karma” and that I needed to tell him how I feel. I’m finally learning not to be such a wimp.

The thing is, I really like this guy. We have great conversations. I enjoy the time I spend with him. As I told him, I don’t know if I’m not ready or he’s just not the right person, but I’m not feeling it. I also told him that I could just keep hanging out with him and keep it ambiguous, but that’d be selfish. I’d be getting attention for something I don’t feel. I’d be taking up his time under false pretenses. I don’t want to be that person.

Brian says I need to get in touch with my inner bitch. I say, only if that bitch is profoundly ethical, considerate of other people’s feelings, and consistent. He says that’s possible. He also says he’s going to start charging me for advice… but I think we can work out a trade.

So, what did this guy say when I broke up with him? He said, “I’ve been trying to find time for our relationship. But if that’s not what this is, then I’d rather have that time for myself.” I was so shocked because, the thing is, we’ve been on exactly two (2) dates. I didn’t realize we were having a Relationship. Man, dating is tough. Dating is a mystery.

Maybe this is just a matter of vocabulary. I don’t know. There have been so many times I’ve been on both sides of this, and there is only like…one person I can think of who handled it well. I mean, the guy I just broke up with had plenty of warning. I was blowing him off. I was taking 3 days to return his calls. I indicated how I felt, and then I said it along with a lot of complements. At least Brian and Julie think I handled it well. I’m sure the gentleman in question can find plenty of faults with me as, of course, I can.

I think this just became a new year’s resolution. I am going to communicate my feelings, my needs, and my expectations with anyone they impact. I will set appropriate boundaries. I will tell people how much I appreciate them not only when I have bad news but whenever I can. I will ask for what I want and, even more so, what I need. I will, essentially, be someone I can be completely in love with as much of the time as humanly possible.