More on couples and talking

I received another follow-up reply from one of my previous respondents that pretty much gets to the main point (again, names are changed):

"Ben loves talking about political science - actually, he likes sharing his knowledge about pretty much everything he knows about, so it's pretty easy to engage him in conversation. I guess people do run out of things to say to each other, but both Ben and I are always coming across something or other that we want to share, or that we know the other person will be interested in. We also talk about our day, what I did at work, what he and our baby did (which is often more interesting than what I did at work). It also seems to me that, if you feel really comfortable sharing your thoughts with someone, it's almost impossible to run out of things to say unless you run out of thoughts. I think the underlying issue is not so much that you have nothing to say, but that you're no longer interested in talking to that person."

As we discussed in the comments to my first entry on this topic, I am not dogging on silence. I live alone. I am an introvert. I am a huge fan of silence.

That said, I think another potential problem might be that if you are spending a huge amount of time with one person, at the detriment of time spent on yourself and your own reflection and learning, and time with your friends, you might end up feeling frustrated that they are not able to fill in where you haven't been able to take time for your own thoughts. In my experience, anyway, this results in my frustration with them, when the frustration should really be with myself for not setting boundaries that work for me.

Comparing that experience with the experiences of my friends in good relationships, I wonder if it is a matter of maturity. None of us is perfect, and maybe those of us who get bored with our partners are really just saying, "I am not ready to be in a relationship this serious (and time intensive)." On the other hand, I think a huge component of compatibility and, really, love is being totally excited about the other person's brain -- how they think, what they think, the way their mind works. And I think over the years you might start to understand them but you might also continue to be surprised by the other person's creativity and ingenuity. I see that happen between my happily coupled friends, and I think to myself "what a wonderful world."