From one of my lists:
Gandhi/Schopenhauer quotation: I think Arthur Clarke also said something like this: new ideas go through 3 stages:
1. It's impossible.
2. It's undesirable.
3. I said it was a good idea all along.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Why do people hate buses?
I was looking for pictures of the Highway 17 Express Bus for work today. I found many thousand photos with the label, but none of them were actually of the vehicle. I guess it isn't a sexy bus -- no one wants to post photos of it. I did find a photo of bikes on the bus on flickr incidentally posted by one of our favorite contributors of Velo Vogue.
Before I left for my trip around the world, I told a family friend "I don't do buses." She didn't let me forget that for years! She considered it a childish statement worth taunting. When I returned, having ridden buses, trains, planes, donkey carts, auto and cyclo rickshaws, bicycles and walked maybe thousands of miles, she puffed that I had "grown up so much." (This from a woman who hired a car and driver to take her around India, but don't get me started.) I do do buses now, but I don't like it.
I didn't like the experience of the ...company... bus with my former employer just because it was a bus on the highway. I did some miscalculations last week and ended up driving alone back and forth to work twice. I HATE being on the highway. The experience of it makes my neck ache. But is that the reason we hate buses so much?
I had a conference this week. A lot of people asked if I was doing bike planning. "No," I replied. "I'm all about buses these days." I believe in buses because I believe in people. But I can't help but wonder if they are just the socialist off-shoot of auto-supremacy. I mean, you do what you can with the existing system. Is it too much of a compromise?
Years ago, Grayson wanted to prove that "what is beautiful is good." The problem with his premise is that beauty is absolutely subjective. How then decide about the collective good? I love my job because it is both complicated and solvable... at least slightly solvable anyway... until the next big questions or trend comes along.
The conference had a session on blogging. You know I had to go. Some of my co-bloggers have complained about not having enough readers. I had lunch with a group of activist ladies. One said that she wasn't young enough to get into blogging. Knowing that I was about 10 years older, I said "I have more opinions than is really useful. Blogging helps me to get them out." I don't even care that I have 5 readers. Folks are invited to read or not. I blog for myself. I loved it when one of the guys in the session said blogging has "a bias towards you."
They influenced me to ask myself what's the angle of my drivel. Right now, I'm thinking: thirty-something, carfree, urban, single San Franciscan who thinks (and travels) too much. The specifics on my friends and life are probably what causes people who know me to return. But the positive feedback comes when I weave in the politics of my lifestyle.
Before I left for my trip around the world, I told a family friend "I don't do buses." She didn't let me forget that for years! She considered it a childish statement worth taunting. When I returned, having ridden buses, trains, planes, donkey carts, auto and cyclo rickshaws, bicycles and walked maybe thousands of miles, she puffed that I had "grown up so much." (This from a woman who hired a car and driver to take her around India, but don't get me started.) I do do buses now, but I don't like it.
I didn't like the experience of the ...company... bus with my former employer just because it was a bus on the highway. I did some miscalculations last week and ended up driving alone back and forth to work twice. I HATE being on the highway. The experience of it makes my neck ache. But is that the reason we hate buses so much?
I had a conference this week. A lot of people asked if I was doing bike planning. "No," I replied. "I'm all about buses these days." I believe in buses because I believe in people. But I can't help but wonder if they are just the socialist off-shoot of auto-supremacy. I mean, you do what you can with the existing system. Is it too much of a compromise?
Years ago, Grayson wanted to prove that "what is beautiful is good." The problem with his premise is that beauty is absolutely subjective. How then decide about the collective good? I love my job because it is both complicated and solvable... at least slightly solvable anyway... until the next big questions or trend comes along.
The conference had a session on blogging. You know I had to go. Some of my co-bloggers have complained about not having enough readers. I had lunch with a group of activist ladies. One said that she wasn't young enough to get into blogging. Knowing that I was about 10 years older, I said "I have more opinions than is really useful. Blogging helps me to get them out." I don't even care that I have 5 readers. Folks are invited to read or not. I blog for myself. I loved it when one of the guys in the session said blogging has "a bias towards you."
They influenced me to ask myself what's the angle of my drivel. Right now, I'm thinking: thirty-something, carfree, urban, single San Franciscan who thinks (and travels) too much. The specifics on my friends and life are probably what causes people who know me to return. But the positive feedback comes when I weave in the politics of my lifestyle.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Psych Drama
I left my bike at the Warm Planet Bike Shop at the train station today instead of taking it all the way to the office. The guy who returned my bike to me wore a shirt that said "When do I get to vote on your marriage?"
VOTE NO ON 8.
Marriage tears me up. I don't know why. Yesterday, Jess and Sam had their San Francisco wedding reenactment and reception. I was deeply honored that they asked me to "officiate". I mostly managed not to cry.
Today was similar. I left our team laptop with an IT lady who my boss loves. Originally, I needed some large files transferred to it because we only have one copy of a certain software; so, we keep it on this shared computer. She decided it needed to be mapped to the network which I guess it used to be but no one connected it for so long that it lost it's... ability to connect. Logged on as the administrator, she downloaded a bunch of stuff to update it and made it possible for me to log on as myself instead of my boss. But when she returned the computer to me the needed software no longer worked and my boss was no longer able to log on. I had a pretty good idea of what had happened, but no matter how long I discussed it with her, she didn't agree with me, and the computer continued to not work in these very important ways.
After about 30 minutes of this, I took the laptop away to let my boss now have a try at it (why she thought this would work, I still don't know). Walking across the courtyard between buildings, I just about completely lost my shit. (Beg your pardon.) Realizing that this emotional outburst likely had nothing to do with anything actually happening, I took a deep breath and continued forward with the "plan". My boss couldn't make the computer work either. I explained to him: "I know you love (this IT lady); so, all I'm going to say is that it worked when I dropped it off to her on Thursday, and now it doesn't work." (Meanwhile, she was trying to tell us that the problem is that our software is expired. -- I ask you: between Thursday and today, what are the chances that the software, that our team has a license for, expired?)
At the wedding yesterday, I was telling a story about someone else I know to Mike and Carolyn. Mike said, "So, he's having psych drama." I loved that! Psych drama, which never had a name with me before, was popular with me in College, but I've completely lost a taste for it. I think Kevin burned that out of me, but then, that psych drama was completely my fault. I realized sometime in 2004 or 5 that going through life being tortured is pointless when you can be forwarding justice and enriching people's lives by creating art. I mean, I deeply value exploration of the human experience, but it's only interesting if it can be channeled into something productive.
VOTE NO ON 8.
Marriage tears me up. I don't know why. Yesterday, Jess and Sam had their San Francisco wedding reenactment and reception. I was deeply honored that they asked me to "officiate". I mostly managed not to cry.
Today was similar. I left our team laptop with an IT lady who my boss loves. Originally, I needed some large files transferred to it because we only have one copy of a certain software; so, we keep it on this shared computer. She decided it needed to be mapped to the network which I guess it used to be but no one connected it for so long that it lost it's... ability to connect. Logged on as the administrator, she downloaded a bunch of stuff to update it and made it possible for me to log on as myself instead of my boss. But when she returned the computer to me the needed software no longer worked and my boss was no longer able to log on. I had a pretty good idea of what had happened, but no matter how long I discussed it with her, she didn't agree with me, and the computer continued to not work in these very important ways.
After about 30 minutes of this, I took the laptop away to let my boss now have a try at it (why she thought this would work, I still don't know). Walking across the courtyard between buildings, I just about completely lost my shit. (Beg your pardon.) Realizing that this emotional outburst likely had nothing to do with anything actually happening, I took a deep breath and continued forward with the "plan". My boss couldn't make the computer work either. I explained to him: "I know you love (this IT lady); so, all I'm going to say is that it worked when I dropped it off to her on Thursday, and now it doesn't work." (Meanwhile, she was trying to tell us that the problem is that our software is expired. -- I ask you: between Thursday and today, what are the chances that the software, that our team has a license for, expired?)
At the wedding yesterday, I was telling a story about someone else I know to Mike and Carolyn. Mike said, "So, he's having psych drama." I loved that! Psych drama, which never had a name with me before, was popular with me in College, but I've completely lost a taste for it. I think Kevin burned that out of me, but then, that psych drama was completely my fault. I realized sometime in 2004 or 5 that going through life being tortured is pointless when you can be forwarding justice and enriching people's lives by creating art. I mean, I deeply value exploration of the human experience, but it's only interesting if it can be channeled into something productive.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Halloween
I often do not celebrate Halloween because in San Francisco people celebrate by wandering the streets, getting drunk and generally behaving badly. Since I never wander, drink or behave at all, I feel out of place during these festivities. This year, the universe has conspired against me by giving me a VP candidate I resemble slightly. To be Sarah Palin, all I have to do is sling a gun, disabled baby or "Miss Alaska" banner over my shoulder and I'm set in my usual ensemble. However, before I venture down this road, I want to make one unequivocal statement:
Tina Fey is prettier than Sarah Palin.
That's what you need to know.
Tina Fey is prettier than Sarah Palin.
That's what you need to know.
Sunday Streets / Family Streets
Sunday Streets provides the opportunity for families to enjoy the street unharmed by dangerous vehicles. Here a dapper man in hat totes his child:
A woman enjoys a leisurely ride with her dog:
A little family, mom in fashionable flowy skirt and matching brown tights and cardigan, ride along the waterfront:
and a woman pulls her tired buddy back home again...
More Sunday Streets photos to come
A woman enjoys a leisurely ride with her dog:
A little family, mom in fashionable flowy skirt and matching brown tights and cardigan, ride along the waterfront:
and a woman pulls her tired buddy back home again...
More Sunday Streets photos to come
Monday, October 13, 2008
Pictures of babies in pink sweaters
A professional friend send me a chain email with pictures of babies in pink sweaters accompanied by inspirational words. I read it; I can be moved by this sort of thing despite my learned cynicism. ...Which reminds me of something else I have been thinking lately. I was a deeply idealistic child. I didn't understand how the step sisters could be mean to Cinderella. Why be mean? I have struggled with reality.
In 6th grade, I attended a combined class of 4th through 6th graders. This meant that the older kids had some obligation to mentor the younger kids. We were year-round secret Santa for them and traded stickers. I was overly nice to 2 little girls because I was older and had the moral high ground. I thought I had the skills to make them feel good about themselves. But that's not how it played out. Instead, they thought I was stupid.
If I had been giving from my heart because I wanted to give, I suppose that wouldn't matter. But it bothered me that, for example, they thought I was not smart enough to make a good sticker trade (when really I was just being generous). Now that I have a regular income, I find my generosity has not grown in proportion to my wealth. But I don't want to be talking about the material; it's just easier to explain.
On the one hand, I think anyone who puts up with me should be generously rewarded with love and attention. On the other hand, when people I'm close with are thoughtless, selfish or (un)intentionally mean, I feel compelled to adjust the situation.
So, like Elizabeth said years ago: "If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, don't spend time with them," this chain email advised: "Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
The line between nice and stupid is fine. People can understand that what they put into the world comes back. But that's their second thought. The first thought is self-protecting, self-serving. Like when that woman used wild animal training techniques to keep her husband on the other side of the kitchen while she cooks, people often do the wrong thing (crowd their spouse in the kitchen) for the right reason (because they want to be close to their spouse). Now, "being in the kitchen" could actually be (metaphorically) something mean that you do for the right reason... or you could react meanly to someone crowding you in the kitchen (metaphorically or actually). You decide how you want to express yourself... except sometimes you reacts before you have a chance to intervene.
I could be wrong, but meanness feels a lot like disrespect to me sometimes... and vice versa. and then there's a lot of other things that sometimes feel like one or the other of those. So, if a person is disappointing you in how they address or handle you, you can choose not to love them... or at least not to let that love grow any further. The world is big with lots of people in it, and while I believe in investing in the people I have connecting with over the years, really hanging onto them, I'm also proud. If you have to fight to make someone give you what you need in a relationship, maybe it isn't the right relationship.
That doesn't feel like the end of this thought string, but it will have to be for now.
In 6th grade, I attended a combined class of 4th through 6th graders. This meant that the older kids had some obligation to mentor the younger kids. We were year-round secret Santa for them and traded stickers. I was overly nice to 2 little girls because I was older and had the moral high ground. I thought I had the skills to make them feel good about themselves. But that's not how it played out. Instead, they thought I was stupid.
If I had been giving from my heart because I wanted to give, I suppose that wouldn't matter. But it bothered me that, for example, they thought I was not smart enough to make a good sticker trade (when really I was just being generous). Now that I have a regular income, I find my generosity has not grown in proportion to my wealth. But I don't want to be talking about the material; it's just easier to explain.
On the one hand, I think anyone who puts up with me should be generously rewarded with love and attention. On the other hand, when people I'm close with are thoughtless, selfish or (un)intentionally mean, I feel compelled to adjust the situation.
So, like Elizabeth said years ago: "If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, don't spend time with them," this chain email advised: "Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
The line between nice and stupid is fine. People can understand that what they put into the world comes back. But that's their second thought. The first thought is self-protecting, self-serving. Like when that woman used wild animal training techniques to keep her husband on the other side of the kitchen while she cooks, people often do the wrong thing (crowd their spouse in the kitchen) for the right reason (because they want to be close to their spouse). Now, "being in the kitchen" could actually be (metaphorically) something mean that you do for the right reason... or you could react meanly to someone crowding you in the kitchen (metaphorically or actually). You decide how you want to express yourself... except sometimes you reacts before you have a chance to intervene.
I could be wrong, but meanness feels a lot like disrespect to me sometimes... and vice versa. and then there's a lot of other things that sometimes feel like one or the other of those. So, if a person is disappointing you in how they address or handle you, you can choose not to love them... or at least not to let that love grow any further. The world is big with lots of people in it, and while I believe in investing in the people I have connecting with over the years, really hanging onto them, I'm also proud. If you have to fight to make someone give you what you need in a relationship, maybe it isn't the right relationship.
That doesn't feel like the end of this thought string, but it will have to be for now.
Friday, October 10, 2008
folding bike vogue
I saw this woman at the corner of Valencia and 20th with her folding bike. I liked her shoes, anorak and general poise.
Speaking of folding bikes, I wanted to get one after my vacation to Alaska on the Alaska Marine Highway (awesome!), but I have never thought of getting one so much as after being bumped from Caltrain 2 days in row recently.
Speaking of folding bikes, I wanted to get one after my vacation to Alaska on the Alaska Marine Highway (awesome!), but I have never thought of getting one so much as after being bumped from Caltrain 2 days in row recently.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Oakland Infill
Years ago, my friend Brian and I took photos of a parking garage being torn down in Oakland. I met him for lunch a few weeks back, and he wanted to show me what they'd done with the lot.
But first, this woman in full summer gear biked past us. I love stripes... and red, but I loved her "salt water flats" even more -- I had a pair of those sandals as a kid. Where do you buy them in adult sizes?
In the background of this photo, you can see the Uptown, the infill development they put on the lot of that parking garage. We got a tour, and it is awesome.
But first, this woman in full summer gear biked past us. I love stripes... and red, but I loved her "salt water flats" even more -- I had a pair of those sandals as a kid. Where do you buy them in adult sizes?
In the background of this photo, you can see the Uptown, the infill development they put on the lot of that parking garage. We got a tour, and it is awesome.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
another fine use for thighs
When I first got back from France last month, we were amid a heat wave that would put any European to shame. While Paris was cold and overcast, San Francisco (the-coldest-winter-you-ever-spent summer) was ablaze. So, shooting chycks in their summer dresses biking around became easy.
While I would love bike share at train stations, poor accomodation of bicycles on our transit systems irks me. This woman was forced to prop her bike between her thighs to keep it still during her BART ride. Yowza.
Here she is leaving the train:
While I would love bike share at train stations, poor accomodation of bicycles on our transit systems irks me. This woman was forced to prop her bike between her thighs to keep it still during her BART ride. Yowza.
Here she is leaving the train:
Sunday, October 05, 2008
hardly strictly
You may recall that last year, I canceled my Sunday plans after a Saturday at the Hardly Strictly Blue Grass Festival because it was so great. This year, I can't get out of my Sunday plans (birthdays rank higher even than music), but I did clear my Saturday schedule to enjoy the show.
Last year, Brian advised me on where to be when. This year, I had my coworker Andrew do it. (I realized that my main limitation for being knowledgeable about music is my poor memory of names. I can remember other things usually.) We got there around 1:30 in time for the Jayhawks which I found a bit shrill but maybe I wasn't warmed up yet. We moved from there to hear "Three girls and their buddy" which was secret code for Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin and Buddy Miller. You can't argue with that, but the show didn't blow my mind. They just sat around playing as if the 100,000s of people in the audience were a camp fire. I grew up on Emmylou. I just learned about Patty Griffin a couple years ago, but I love her.
We crossed back at this point to Nick Lowe who turned out to be both of our favorites of the day. He covered a range of lyrics-driven songs that made us think and feel happy inside: "all men are liars", "(what's so funny about) peace love and understanding" (a song I always thought written by Elvis Costello, but just learned is actually by Nick Lowe for Elvis), etc. (other names are alluding me).
From there, we trekked over to hear some actual bluegrass with the Del McCory Band, and that was great. We ended the day with Robert Earl Keen who had a sort of standard rock 'n' roll sound that didn't overwhelm me but I liked it when he covered "Touch of Grey".
We stumbled upon the end of the Lovefest at Civic Center on the way back... because there's never anything to do in San Francisco. I had wanted to hit Vertigo playing at Union Square but my campanion was concerned about having missed the beginning of my favorite movie which he'd never seen. So, after sipping wine all day long, the main activity of my Saturday night was sleeping.
I should also mention that Friday night, I saw the Robert Plant-Alison Krauss show, and it completely blew my mind. Danielle said Robert Plant probably never imagined he would play music like that, but, well, it not only worked, I think I can safely say it was lifechanging. He played the maracas and made his Led Zeppelin sounds along side, well, Alison Krauss (bluegrass country).
Last year, Brian advised me on where to be when. This year, I had my coworker Andrew do it. (I realized that my main limitation for being knowledgeable about music is my poor memory of names. I can remember other things usually.) We got there around 1:30 in time for the Jayhawks which I found a bit shrill but maybe I wasn't warmed up yet. We moved from there to hear "Three girls and their buddy" which was secret code for Patty Griffin, Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin and Buddy Miller. You can't argue with that, but the show didn't blow my mind. They just sat around playing as if the 100,000s of people in the audience were a camp fire. I grew up on Emmylou. I just learned about Patty Griffin a couple years ago, but I love her.
We crossed back at this point to Nick Lowe who turned out to be both of our favorites of the day. He covered a range of lyrics-driven songs that made us think and feel happy inside: "all men are liars", "(what's so funny about) peace love and understanding" (a song I always thought written by Elvis Costello, but just learned is actually by Nick Lowe for Elvis), etc. (other names are alluding me).
From there, we trekked over to hear some actual bluegrass with the Del McCory Band, and that was great. We ended the day with Robert Earl Keen who had a sort of standard rock 'n' roll sound that didn't overwhelm me but I liked it when he covered "Touch of Grey".
We stumbled upon the end of the Lovefest at Civic Center on the way back... because there's never anything to do in San Francisco. I had wanted to hit Vertigo playing at Union Square but my campanion was concerned about having missed the beginning of my favorite movie which he'd never seen. So, after sipping wine all day long, the main activity of my Saturday night was sleeping.
I should also mention that Friday night, I saw the Robert Plant-Alison Krauss show, and it completely blew my mind. Danielle said Robert Plant probably never imagined he would play music like that, but, well, it not only worked, I think I can safely say it was lifechanging. He played the maracas and made his Led Zeppelin sounds along side, well, Alison Krauss (bluegrass country).
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Being wrong
I've already talked a lot on this blog about being wrong. I'm still thinking about it. I've been wrong several times about a person being the love of my life for example. It stung, but I'm here to tell about it with humility. I'm wrong in art, politics, work and even the most mundane aspects of life. I've been aware lately of how often I am wrong. I'm wrong because:
1) I believe things strongly.
2) I'm proud.
This causes me to ask myself if I would rather give up these characteristics and be wrong less often. (Giving up being wrong altogether seems unlikely -- one day at the time, you know.) Would I give up my passion and dignity to be right?
I don't even have to think about, but I am trying to force myself. Of course not! So, I ask myself, if I choose to be wrong, is there some way I can do that well, with the passion and dignity I love more? I can think of a few ways:
1) Laugh at myself -- find being wrong humorous
2) Articulate my intention to devalue being right and admit my errors freely
3) Open my mind to learning from my mistakes
I'm not good at humility. But I think it's worth practicing. Of course, the flip side of all this is to try to be as well informed as possible, but so much of living is subjective. My facts and opinions are often wrong, but I can only work towards getting the facts right slightly more often. The true value of my opinions only unfold with time.
1) I believe things strongly.
2) I'm proud.
This causes me to ask myself if I would rather give up these characteristics and be wrong less often. (Giving up being wrong altogether seems unlikely -- one day at the time, you know.) Would I give up my passion and dignity to be right?
I don't even have to think about, but I am trying to force myself. Of course not! So, I ask myself, if I choose to be wrong, is there some way I can do that well, with the passion and dignity I love more? I can think of a few ways:
1) Laugh at myself -- find being wrong humorous
2) Articulate my intention to devalue being right and admit my errors freely
3) Open my mind to learning from my mistakes
I'm not good at humility. But I think it's worth practicing. Of course, the flip side of all this is to try to be as well informed as possible, but so much of living is subjective. My facts and opinions are often wrong, but I can only work towards getting the facts right slightly more often. The true value of my opinions only unfold with time.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Various Thoughts
I've been thinking about a few things:
If you dress up all eccentric like in a costume, it must be that you both want people to look at you and you want them not to really see you.
Maybe McCain chose Sarah Palin because bitch is still the new black.
Beauty is everywhere; it is where you see it.
We live by our intention.
The problem with "other people"(1) is that they all have FEELINGS that must be attended to when they are present.
(1) "Hell is other people."
If you dress up all eccentric like in a costume, it must be that you both want people to look at you and you want them not to really see you.
Maybe McCain chose Sarah Palin because bitch is still the new black.
Beauty is everywhere; it is where you see it.
We live by our intention.
The problem with "other people"(1) is that they all have FEELINGS that must be attended to when they are present.
(1) "Hell is other people."
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
ridiculous village of hypocrites
That's right, you know what town I'm talking about...
BERKELEY
My reunion was last month, and I was delighted to use the excuse to get back in touch with many amazing, warm and deeply good people. Last Sunday, a few of us went to see Yellow Jackets at the Berkeley Rep. The play got poor reviews, but since it was about our high school around the time we were there, it seemed worth the $40 (yikes!).
The play started a bit disjointedly. A series of disconnected scenes introduced us a series of characters who we didn't know the relationship among. They presented interesting stories themselves, but it hardly seemed like it would sustain an entire play. Then, right before the intermission, a story began to reveal itself. I was on the edge of my seat.
Everything about the play was so familiar: the tracking problem, the teachers and the administration and their dynamic, the buildings discussed, the pranks completed, even the slang I knew. I completely suspended disbelieve without being conscious of it. Art imitates life, and life imitates art; this art reminded me of things I don't mind remembering but that live in my memory beneath layers of things I'm dying to forget.
During the play, I was completely right there. This state continued even when the end went on too long. But now, thinking back, I loved that sound bite:
"...this ridiculous village of hypocrites..."
I paraphrase the response: This is where you are from, and this will always be where you are from. So, you might as well deal with it.
I loved grad school at Berkeley. It might be the best thing that ever happened to me, as well as the most challenging, but the town and its townies (with many exceptions) frighten me. I don't want to spend too much time there partly because I think I am allergic to the air quality and party because the politics and social dynamics make me feel like a pile of rotting fruit.
My friends from HS remain awesome tho. The play will give you a vivid picture of my experience coming of age.
BERKELEY
My reunion was last month, and I was delighted to use the excuse to get back in touch with many amazing, warm and deeply good people. Last Sunday, a few of us went to see Yellow Jackets at the Berkeley Rep. The play got poor reviews, but since it was about our high school around the time we were there, it seemed worth the $40 (yikes!).
The play started a bit disjointedly. A series of disconnected scenes introduced us a series of characters who we didn't know the relationship among. They presented interesting stories themselves, but it hardly seemed like it would sustain an entire play. Then, right before the intermission, a story began to reveal itself. I was on the edge of my seat.
Everything about the play was so familiar: the tracking problem, the teachers and the administration and their dynamic, the buildings discussed, the pranks completed, even the slang I knew. I completely suspended disbelieve without being conscious of it. Art imitates life, and life imitates art; this art reminded me of things I don't mind remembering but that live in my memory beneath layers of things I'm dying to forget.
During the play, I was completely right there. This state continued even when the end went on too long. But now, thinking back, I loved that sound bite:
"...this ridiculous village of hypocrites..."
I paraphrase the response: This is where you are from, and this will always be where you are from. So, you might as well deal with it.
I loved grad school at Berkeley. It might be the best thing that ever happened to me, as well as the most challenging, but the town and its townies (with many exceptions) frighten me. I don't want to spend too much time there partly because I think I am allergic to the air quality and party because the politics and social dynamics make me feel like a pile of rotting fruit.
My friends from HS remain awesome tho. The play will give you a vivid picture of my experience coming of age.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Bar Debate
I did something fun last night. I watched the presidential debate in a bar. I don't know why this had never occurred to me to do before. We had plans for happy hour that turned out to coincide both with the debate and with the bar having an event in its honor.
Two problems arose: 1) the bar became incredibly crowded. We had to stand the whole time. 2) we couldn't actually speak to each other because, well, the debate was on. In some cases, that would have been more interesting.
I read a review of the debate this morning because I need to be told what to think about politics. I learned that both candidates are boring (who hasn't been?) -- I was definitely bored, and that while McCain preformed better, the debate was a tie leaving Obama still in the lead.
I found this paragraph particularly interesting: "There was lots of great body language to read. Obama looks down when he's saying something unpleasant—like delivering an attack on his opponent. Obama looked at the audience more (as Kennedy did in 1960), McCain talked to the moderator (as Nixon had). When McCain was talking, Obama looked at him, like he was a listener. McCain stared straight ahead when Obama was speaking, which at times made it appear as if Obama was scolding him for denting the car." Slate
I'm also curious if anyone is going to talk about their tie choices: I like Obama's better. McCain's stripes gave me a headache.
I've got to run off to the gallery, but I wanted to post something not completely self-absorbed for a change. No, I am not freaking out about the state of the economy.
Two problems arose: 1) the bar became incredibly crowded. We had to stand the whole time. 2) we couldn't actually speak to each other because, well, the debate was on. In some cases, that would have been more interesting.
I read a review of the debate this morning because I need to be told what to think about politics. I learned that both candidates are boring (who hasn't been?) -- I was definitely bored, and that while McCain preformed better, the debate was a tie leaving Obama still in the lead.
I found this paragraph particularly interesting: "There was lots of great body language to read. Obama looks down when he's saying something unpleasant—like delivering an attack on his opponent. Obama looked at the audience more (as Kennedy did in 1960), McCain talked to the moderator (as Nixon had). When McCain was talking, Obama looked at him, like he was a listener. McCain stared straight ahead when Obama was speaking, which at times made it appear as if Obama was scolding him for denting the car." Slate
I'm also curious if anyone is going to talk about their tie choices: I like Obama's better. McCain's stripes gave me a headache.
I've got to run off to the gallery, but I wanted to post something not completely self-absorbed for a change. No, I am not freaking out about the state of the economy.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
The World's Not Falling Apart
Dar Williams: The World's Not Falling Apart (song lyrics)
Welcome to the golden age of speed with grace
Waiting for the angry gods to smite our race
I logged on to Africa in just one day
I opened a door and that's OK
It's not an end it's just a start
Not an end it's just a start
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I have watched the kids who make their scenes
I have met the riot girls who print their zines
They write the word, they raise a thought
They say who they are, they try what they're not
Because life is such a changing art
Life is such a changing art
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
The closest thing to God that i have heard
Is when i knew i did not have the final word
You say the world has lost it's love
I say embrace what it's made of
I'll snake a camera to your heart
Snake a camera to your heart
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I listen to Dar a lot especially when I am looking for answers. She seems to provide them. I went to yoga tonight at my gym. I heard people ask for various emphases: hamstrings, knee strengthening; but I didn't hear anyone ask for digestive assistance. She may have thought that one up on her own. During savasana, she talked about how letting go feels painful, but it opens us up to new things.
My team at work is great. The other teams can be more of a challenge for us. Today, I learned that two other teams made a series of decisions about my project without telling me (or presumably anyone on my team or they would have told me I hope). Planning is something you *have to do* between the conception of an idea and its construction. I think I managed to talk them into actually incorporating our collaboratively-determined plans into their manifestation.
My first thought when I learned of their initial decision without me was "can I break up with these people?" Because breaking up can get habit forming. After I broke up with Grayson, I felt inclined to fire my employees at the end of each day. They didn't think that joke was very funny. I don't know why. You probably know that I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. (considering that I have exactly 6 readers -- I assume you all know me.) I don't usually break up with people because I can't stand hurting people's feelings, but sometimes a woman is pushed to her limit. So, I realized that my first temptation with these other teams was to dump them out of habit.
Of course, that isn't possible. And this is probably a really good life lesson. I tend to overexamine ideas until they are transparent like thin mountain air, and then I follow my gut. I've talked about that a lot -- I read a study that said that's the best way to make decisions. I also learned in Stumbling on Happiness (which I listened to on my iPod bc like everyone else I no longer read.
Actually, that merits a tangent. Did you read the article that claimed that we as a society no longer read, and it's Google's fault? I didn't. I listened to a podcast of people talking about it. Case in point. Sorry, I can't find the source -- maybe the Washington Post???)
...that we cannot predict our own happiness. The best gauge of what will make us happy is to examine where other people have found happiness. That's tricky because I don't know that many happy people who I admire enough to emulate. But I do think that staying in a relationship being miserable can't possibly be the right thing to do. When Jared broke up with me in 2006, I believed it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. My sister told me that if, after a while, we both came to the conclusion that we should be together, we would certainly find our way back together again. But, of course, instead we both got over it and moved on. I suspect me more than him since I cyberstalked him once since we split up, and my tracker suggests that he reads this blog with some regularity.
On the other hand (isn't there always another hand? How many hands do we really need?), I've heard couples say that they "just let it get away" which makes me wonder if love is really so unstable. Or, rather, why it is? My mother clipped an article for me from National Geographic that said that the average feeling of being "in love" lasts up to 4 years because that's how long it takes for a child to be conceived and grow to no longer be completely dependent on its parents. Interesting, this is consistent with Brian's theory about our modern lives breaking up naturally into 5-year cycles. I can see my life breaking up into segments, but they don't necessarily have to do with any particular relationship or standard time period.
I no longer believe in true love or destiny, but I do believe that if I listen to my gut, even if what it is telling me hurts, I will find my right path.
Welcome to the golden age of speed with grace
Waiting for the angry gods to smite our race
I logged on to Africa in just one day
I opened a door and that's OK
It's not an end it's just a start
Not an end it's just a start
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I have watched the kids who make their scenes
I have met the riot girls who print their zines
They write the word, they raise a thought
They say who they are, they try what they're not
Because life is such a changing art
Life is such a changing art
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
The closest thing to God that i have heard
Is when i knew i did not have the final word
You say the world has lost it's love
I say embrace what it's made of
I'll snake a camera to your heart
Snake a camera to your heart
The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me
I listen to Dar a lot especially when I am looking for answers. She seems to provide them. I went to yoga tonight at my gym. I heard people ask for various emphases: hamstrings, knee strengthening; but I didn't hear anyone ask for digestive assistance. She may have thought that one up on her own. During savasana, she talked about how letting go feels painful, but it opens us up to new things.
My team at work is great. The other teams can be more of a challenge for us. Today, I learned that two other teams made a series of decisions about my project without telling me (or presumably anyone on my team or they would have told me I hope). Planning is something you *have to do* between the conception of an idea and its construction. I think I managed to talk them into actually incorporating our collaboratively-determined plans into their manifestation.
My first thought when I learned of their initial decision without me was "can I break up with these people?" Because breaking up can get habit forming. After I broke up with Grayson, I felt inclined to fire my employees at the end of each day. They didn't think that joke was very funny. I don't know why. You probably know that I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. (considering that I have exactly 6 readers -- I assume you all know me.) I don't usually break up with people because I can't stand hurting people's feelings, but sometimes a woman is pushed to her limit. So, I realized that my first temptation with these other teams was to dump them out of habit.
Of course, that isn't possible. And this is probably a really good life lesson. I tend to overexamine ideas until they are transparent like thin mountain air, and then I follow my gut. I've talked about that a lot -- I read a study that said that's the best way to make decisions. I also learned in Stumbling on Happiness (which I listened to on my iPod bc like everyone else I no longer read.
Actually, that merits a tangent. Did you read the article that claimed that we as a society no longer read, and it's Google's fault? I didn't. I listened to a podcast of people talking about it. Case in point. Sorry, I can't find the source -- maybe the Washington Post???)
...that we cannot predict our own happiness. The best gauge of what will make us happy is to examine where other people have found happiness. That's tricky because I don't know that many happy people who I admire enough to emulate. But I do think that staying in a relationship being miserable can't possibly be the right thing to do. When Jared broke up with me in 2006, I believed it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. My sister told me that if, after a while, we both came to the conclusion that we should be together, we would certainly find our way back together again. But, of course, instead we both got over it and moved on. I suspect me more than him since I cyberstalked him once since we split up, and my tracker suggests that he reads this blog with some regularity.
On the other hand (isn't there always another hand? How many hands do we really need?), I've heard couples say that they "just let it get away" which makes me wonder if love is really so unstable. Or, rather, why it is? My mother clipped an article for me from National Geographic that said that the average feeling of being "in love" lasts up to 4 years because that's how long it takes for a child to be conceived and grow to no longer be completely dependent on its parents. Interesting, this is consistent with Brian's theory about our modern lives breaking up naturally into 5-year cycles. I can see my life breaking up into segments, but they don't necessarily have to do with any particular relationship or standard time period.
I no longer believe in true love or destiny, but I do believe that if I listen to my gut, even if what it is telling me hurts, I will find my right path.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Mido a Velib'
When I was 14, my family sent me to live with a French family in Paris who none of us had met. As it turned out, they didn't know I was coming and were expecting another little girl instead. So, both American little girls spent the summer with this French family. Today, the bonus child (me) visits them annually.
On my last day in Paris this year, we went to dinner near Nation. I had spent my day receiving a wonderful inside tour of the Vélib' program which included my very own Vélib' card even though I don't have the right kind of credit card to use the system (with that European chip). No one in my French family is enrolled in the Vélib' program. I used my complementary card to let my French mother, Mido, try out the bicycles. Look how stylish and perfectly Parisienne she is.
One of the reasons they don't use Vélib' is because they worry about riding on the streets with traffic. (We know that's just something you get used to.)
She loved it.
I think it was a little stressful for Mido's husband, adult daughter and son-in-law to watch her tootle around the wide Parisien streets.
On my last day in Paris this year, we went to dinner near Nation. I had spent my day receiving a wonderful inside tour of the Vélib' program which included my very own Vélib' card even though I don't have the right kind of credit card to use the system (with that European chip). No one in my French family is enrolled in the Vélib' program. I used my complementary card to let my French mother, Mido, try out the bicycles. Look how stylish and perfectly Parisienne she is.
One of the reasons they don't use Vélib' is because they worry about riding on the streets with traffic. (We know that's just something you get used to.)
She loved it.
I think it was a little stressful for Mido's husband, adult daughter and son-in-law to watch her tootle around the wide Parisien streets.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Fairness
I was all dressed up to go out last night, and then I undressed and went to bed instead. It sounds like my friend survived, and I slept for 13 hours. Am I sick?
"A new study from researchers at UCLA shows that getting a fair offer, such as evenly splitting the dinner tab, sparks the same brain pathways that get fired up when you win money or eat chocolate. It's just another reason to always act equitably towards friends and strangers alike." I'm not sure about that last leap of narrative, but I definitely judge people and actions based on their relative fairness. I'm just not sure that what is fair is always objective. The decision is easy when, for example, my dish was $17 more than a companion's but he tells me I owe $32 more of the bill -- that wasn't fair. But what about the distribution of time or effort spent on a relationship? What about how couples decide about their future (whether its where to live, whether to get married or split up, or which friends they cultivate)?
On "How I met your mother" the Doogie Howser character, who is supposed to be a womanizer, explains to another character how he does it. He flirts with a girl and then subtly insults her. The woman then, I guess, feels she has something to prove to this suitor; so, she goes home with him to try to make him like her. I was out on a date the other day, and the gentleman tried that one on me. Of course, I wasn't going to take him home that night anyway, but I emailed him a few days later to let him off the hook for future dates. Around the same time, a guy was hitting on me at a bar and tried something similar. I walked away.
So, at this dinner the other night, I asked my gentleman friends about it. One said, "oh, yes. There is a book called 'The Game.'" ...I guess this one is a sort of "different strokes for different folks" observation. I've definitely been in relationships where my boyfriend let me know that I wasn't "all that", but, well, I'm not in any of those relationships anymore obviously. AND that happened long after the deal was sealed.
I wasn't sure if this post was going to make any sense, but suddenly it does. If you don't find me attractive, don't date me. If you don't want to pay your portion of the bill, don't eat at the restaurant (gosh, that works literally and figuratively). As JoAnne said ages ago: "if you're not ready to be rejected, you're not ready to date." But wait, there's more. I say: If you're not ready to treat others with kindness, fairness and compassion, you're not ready for social society.
...although, in reality, people will probably put up with you anyway. Those people might just not include me. And you might be fine with that.
"Manners are the way we show other people that they matter."
-Mr. Manners, QDNow
"A new study from researchers at UCLA shows that getting a fair offer, such as evenly splitting the dinner tab, sparks the same brain pathways that get fired up when you win money or eat chocolate. It's just another reason to always act equitably towards friends and strangers alike." I'm not sure about that last leap of narrative, but I definitely judge people and actions based on their relative fairness. I'm just not sure that what is fair is always objective. The decision is easy when, for example, my dish was $17 more than a companion's but he tells me I owe $32 more of the bill -- that wasn't fair. But what about the distribution of time or effort spent on a relationship? What about how couples decide about their future (whether its where to live, whether to get married or split up, or which friends they cultivate)?
On "How I met your mother" the Doogie Howser character, who is supposed to be a womanizer, explains to another character how he does it. He flirts with a girl and then subtly insults her. The woman then, I guess, feels she has something to prove to this suitor; so, she goes home with him to try to make him like her. I was out on a date the other day, and the gentleman tried that one on me. Of course, I wasn't going to take him home that night anyway, but I emailed him a few days later to let him off the hook for future dates. Around the same time, a guy was hitting on me at a bar and tried something similar. I walked away.
So, at this dinner the other night, I asked my gentleman friends about it. One said, "oh, yes. There is a book called 'The Game.'" ...I guess this one is a sort of "different strokes for different folks" observation. I've definitely been in relationships where my boyfriend let me know that I wasn't "all that", but, well, I'm not in any of those relationships anymore obviously. AND that happened long after the deal was sealed.
I wasn't sure if this post was going to make any sense, but suddenly it does. If you don't find me attractive, don't date me. If you don't want to pay your portion of the bill, don't eat at the restaurant (gosh, that works literally and figuratively). As JoAnne said ages ago: "if you're not ready to be rejected, you're not ready to date." But wait, there's more. I say: If you're not ready to treat others with kindness, fairness and compassion, you're not ready for social society.
...although, in reality, people will probably put up with you anyway. Those people might just not include me. And you might be fine with that.
"Manners are the way we show other people that they matter."
-Mr. Manners, QDNow
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