For those of you keeping track of my itinerary, I am in Paris. I'm spending the day at Tina's near Canal Saint Martin, but tonight I go to Montreuil to see the Boisseaus (my French family). Being here feels totally natural, altho my French is rusty (what there is of it!). I now remember why I used to carry a compass for walking these crazy medieval streets.
It's much colder here than in New York. I wonder if I brought warm enough clothes. Here are a few more observations:
* I walked past a skinny little old black man pooping on someone's front steps on my way to the Metro in Ilana's gentrified neighborhood, Fort Green, yesterday morning. I wonder if that would happen on the upper east side.
* I am very much in style in Fort Green -- women with plastic-frames abound. Even in Paris I don't feel frumpy. Did I come to the fashion or did the fashions come to me?
* I've seen the Paris rental bikes everyone is talking about. I'll post a photo when I can.
* With the exception of all those bike paths we used on the Century, Paris appears to be more bike-friendly than New York based on the number of bike lanes and paths on the streets I have walked since I arrived.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Thoughts while waiting to board the plane to Paris
Today I walked around Brooklyn. It was much smaller than I expected. I walked from Ilana’s in Fort Green to Brooklyn Heights then back through Cobble Hill. The old parts of New York looks like Europe with attached buildings and cobble stone streets. When we rode through the more suburban parts of Queens on the Century, it looked just like Ohio with ticky tacky little houses made with brick and metal railings. Higher end homes were made with stone, also like in the Midwest. Our suburbs are quintessentially American.
Ilana’s friend Carly, who she met when they both lived in Nicaragua, is also trained as a city planner. She went to Cornell. But Carly does community work with a school. Of course, I don’t work as a city planner right now either. Anyway, Carly wanted to discuss the congestion pricing issue with me, bc she is very concerned about the impact it would have on the low-income. We discussed these problems and their possible solutions:
1) Low-income workers who need to have their cars in the city for their jobs would be adversely impacted. Of course, there are respectful ways to address this issue. The Universal Lifeline telephone program is a good example of an honor-system discount program that’s respectful to the recipients for that reason. Low-income workers who use a vehicle in the city would also benefit from reduced traffic because they would be able to get around town more quickly. For example, if a worker needs to drive his truck from client to client and he works for himself, he would be able serve more clients in a day with less traffic on the roads and therefore make more money.
2) Vehicles parking at the edges and crowding people’s neighborhoods – the current system has it’s boundaries primarily in low-income neighborhoods, which would mean that disadvantaged people would be more adversely affected. This is fixed by changing the boundaries. In London, they found that the edge neighborhoods did not experience a change in traffic and parking, but London is a sprawling city and there are thousands of access points. The access points to Manhattan are primarily bridges likely to cause clusters of street parkers at these bottle necks. However, the solution is easy – select the boundaries so that there are thousands of access points and there won’t be any clusters of parkers and accessors.
3) I am very concerned about the crowding on the subway. I suggested that more people would have to ride the buses. Carly said the buses are too slow because people are always looking for change, the bus has to lower itself at every stop, and because of the traffic. Obviously, the traffic would be addressed with fewer cars on the road due to congestion pricing, but an exclusive right of way would also help. A bus rapid transit system with pre-paid, elevated platforms would also speed up the system. This would be a capital investment, but funds for it could come from the congestion pricing program.
My plane just announced boarding for group 1. I’ll tell you the rest later.
Ilana’s friend Carly, who she met when they both lived in Nicaragua, is also trained as a city planner. She went to Cornell. But Carly does community work with a school. Of course, I don’t work as a city planner right now either. Anyway, Carly wanted to discuss the congestion pricing issue with me, bc she is very concerned about the impact it would have on the low-income. We discussed these problems and their possible solutions:
1) Low-income workers who need to have their cars in the city for their jobs would be adversely impacted. Of course, there are respectful ways to address this issue. The Universal Lifeline telephone program is a good example of an honor-system discount program that’s respectful to the recipients for that reason. Low-income workers who use a vehicle in the city would also benefit from reduced traffic because they would be able to get around town more quickly. For example, if a worker needs to drive his truck from client to client and he works for himself, he would be able serve more clients in a day with less traffic on the roads and therefore make more money.
2) Vehicles parking at the edges and crowding people’s neighborhoods – the current system has it’s boundaries primarily in low-income neighborhoods, which would mean that disadvantaged people would be more adversely affected. This is fixed by changing the boundaries. In London, they found that the edge neighborhoods did not experience a change in traffic and parking, but London is a sprawling city and there are thousands of access points. The access points to Manhattan are primarily bridges likely to cause clusters of street parkers at these bottle necks. However, the solution is easy – select the boundaries so that there are thousands of access points and there won’t be any clusters of parkers and accessors.
3) I am very concerned about the crowding on the subway. I suggested that more people would have to ride the buses. Carly said the buses are too slow because people are always looking for change, the bus has to lower itself at every stop, and because of the traffic. Obviously, the traffic would be addressed with fewer cars on the road due to congestion pricing, but an exclusive right of way would also help. A bus rapid transit system with pre-paid, elevated platforms would also speed up the system. This would be a capital investment, but funds for it could come from the congestion pricing program.
My plane just announced boarding for group 1. I’ll tell you the rest later.
Traveling sucks
...especially when you travel American. I arrived at the airport at 7:20 for an 8:10 flights. I meant to get there earlier, but I missed the first train which would have gotten me there at 7. I did the auto check in, and much to my surprise it said I had missed my flight. They had moved it 20 minutes earlier and require a 30 minute advance check in.
They said it was my travel agents responsibility to tell me the flight was earlier. I recognize that I could have checked the night before, but honestly I have never had this experience before. I called the travel agent (STA), and they just told me they hadn’t received any notification and sounded generally incompetent. I asked if I would receive notification in the future, and they assured me I would, but hung up absolutely confident that I would not. (I checked my Paris flight before I left the house.
The website said no change. Oddly, when I arrived at the airport later that same day, the flight had been delayed 5 minutes but was listed as “ontime”.)
Anyway, back to my story… the only unpleasant thing that happened on the flight was one of the attendants walking up the aisle yelling in each person’s ear from behind “seat belts fastened” when we all had them fastened and she hadn’t checked. I think it damaged my hearing her voice was so shrill.
They showed the premiere of a new TV show called Cane that I made a mental note after watching never to watch again even by accident. Then they showed Gracie, a movie about a girl who wants to play on the boys’ HS soccer team. I cried. I’d give it 3 stars. They also played several reruns of Cheers and Fraiser.
One full hour passed between when we landed and when I was reunited with my bag. I was out of cel phone range while on the subway. So, my sister was frantic with worry when I finally arrived in Fort Green close to 9 p.m.
Waiting for my Paris flight, and everything went smoothly. I went through security in my little tank top and capris (it's warm!) – the security girl laughed at me, I think because there was just no way I could set off the alarm since I was nearly naked.
My friend Joyce (not to be confused with my mother Joyce) has been talking lately about how she can never tell if someone is attracted to her in real life. But at Burning Man, she felt liberated to express her attraction as did others towards her. She is from New York. I noticed that no one is the slightest bit shy about staring here. And I stare right back. (Maybe I flatter myself. Maybe people stare because they think I’m funny looking. But even Ilana pointed out that in New York it’s OK to admire pretty people. They certainly gaped when I was walking around with her.)
They said it was my travel agents responsibility to tell me the flight was earlier. I recognize that I could have checked the night before, but honestly I have never had this experience before. I called the travel agent (STA), and they just told me they hadn’t received any notification and sounded generally incompetent. I asked if I would receive notification in the future, and they assured me I would, but hung up absolutely confident that I would not. (I checked my Paris flight before I left the house.
The website said no change. Oddly, when I arrived at the airport later that same day, the flight had been delayed 5 minutes but was listed as “ontime”.)
Anyway, back to my story… the only unpleasant thing that happened on the flight was one of the attendants walking up the aisle yelling in each person’s ear from behind “seat belts fastened” when we all had them fastened and she hadn’t checked. I think it damaged my hearing her voice was so shrill.
They showed the premiere of a new TV show called Cane that I made a mental note after watching never to watch again even by accident. Then they showed Gracie, a movie about a girl who wants to play on the boys’ HS soccer team. I cried. I’d give it 3 stars. They also played several reruns of Cheers and Fraiser.
One full hour passed between when we landed and when I was reunited with my bag. I was out of cel phone range while on the subway. So, my sister was frantic with worry when I finally arrived in Fort Green close to 9 p.m.
Waiting for my Paris flight, and everything went smoothly. I went through security in my little tank top and capris (it's warm!) – the security girl laughed at me, I think because there was just no way I could set off the alarm since I was nearly naked.
My friend Joyce (not to be confused with my mother Joyce) has been talking lately about how she can never tell if someone is attracted to her in real life. But at Burning Man, she felt liberated to express her attraction as did others towards her. She is from New York. I noticed that no one is the slightest bit shy about staring here. And I stare right back. (Maybe I flatter myself. Maybe people stare because they think I’m funny looking. But even Ilana pointed out that in New York it’s OK to admire pretty people. They certainly gaped when I was walking around with her.)
Monday, September 10, 2007
New York Century
Photos of Ilana and me the day before the ride
Ilana and a few of her friends rode the New York Century yesterday. You can view all the photos here.
Map of the route
Laura, Dan, Carly, Ilana, me
We frolicked in this fountain built for the world's fair. The firemen drove up to make sure we weren't drinking the water. A few minutes later, the park police drove up to tell us not to go in the fountain. We were done by then, but another group had been inspired by our fun. Carly explained to the police: "They aren't from this country. So, they are used to freedom. I knew this would be a police state thing."
Me and Ilana en route
You can see in the back the clunky "Jamis" mountain bike borrowed from one of Ilana's friends that I rode.
Ilana and a few of her friends rode the New York Century yesterday. You can view all the photos here.
Map of the route
Laura, Dan, Carly, Ilana, me
We frolicked in this fountain built for the world's fair. The firemen drove up to make sure we weren't drinking the water. A few minutes later, the park police drove up to tell us not to go in the fountain. We were done by then, but another group had been inspired by our fun. Carly explained to the police: "They aren't from this country. So, they are used to freedom. I knew this would be a police state thing."
Me and Ilana en route
You can see in the back the clunky "Jamis" mountain bike borrowed from one of Ilana's friends that I rode.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Yesterday at Muir Beach
Julie, Young, Sultan, me, Nigel, Kristin, Sarah, and Sheila
Young, Sarah, Nigel, Sultan, Sheila, Julie, and Kristin
Can you see the deer? I can't in this photo, but she was there.
Garden at Green Gulch
Yesterday, we went hiking near Muir Beach. Afterwards, we picnicked on the beach. You can see here....We thought we'd get a beer after our picnic, but Kristin instead conspired to bring us to a party at a family friend's home nearby. Their place was gorgeous, the food delicious, and the company splendid (of course). We sat in the garden and watched the light change. Once it got dark, we moved to their living room where we played music and sang. I loved it!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Questions and Answers
I'm playing a slightly new little game that involves asking questions of strangers and vice versa. My mother suggested I post some of my more interesting answers. Here they are.
I think "adventure" means different things to different people. What does adventure mean for you, and have you had any memorable adventures recently?
Some of my friends think I have a high tolerance for risk. So, my idea of adventure is probably different than others'. I travel a lot not because I like it but because it's good for me -- gives me perspective. I hope to be taking up new hobbies pretty much until I physically can't anymore. I believe that the brain never stops growing, that the human capacity for change and re-creation is unlimited and that embracing those activities is good and healthy. That said, I dislike wondering if I am going to die or where I am going to sleep tonight. So, I guess adventure to me is walking that fine line between uncertainty and discomfort.
Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
I do a lot of things, and I am very happy to keep most of my hobbies as my own (as opposed to "ours"). I have thought that I would like a partner who is a skilled camper. I am not a skilled camper. I am a competent person who likes the outdoors, but I don't have a lot of experience roughing it in the wilderness. It would be cool to be with someone who also likes the outdoors but has better outdoors skills than I do. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be that exact thing; it can be something like that.
They say life is about simple pleasures, what is your simplest pleasure, and how does it make you feel?
It would have to be tea. I really like cheap Irish breakfast tea with sugar and soymilk. I like it strong enough so that it tastes just a tiny bit bitter. It makes me feel comforted, invigorated, alive. I'm used to drinking tea with my mother or my best girlfriends. so, it probably reminds me of that intimacy.
Do you feel a particular connection with a type of animal, and if so which one and why?
I really like chickens. I am not a scared person -- it isn't their cliched meaning that I relate to. I like how directed they are (towards worms, scratching and eating). I like how silly they look. The way they tilt their heads to one side when you talk to them makes me smile. I enjoy their unbridled enthusiasm.
How do you envision a successful relationship? What is it that you truly want in your next relatioship?
That's a tricky one. I would like to keep my own hobbies and my own friends. On the other had, I would also like to have a lot of shared activities. I wouldn't mind sailing together sometimes, but I want to keep it my thing with my friends. A regular Sunday afternoon hike would be perfect. I would like to cook and clean and jog together. Sometimes reading the same book so that we can discuss it would be fun. I'm looking forward to lots of meaty conversations.
What kind of adventures appeal to you (urban & non) and how do you work 'excitement' into your life?
I feel like my life is full of adventures, but when I go to write down what they are... well, it seems less clear. ... On Wednesday, I left work in Sunnyvale on my bike. I got as far at Sam Mateo before it got dark. Then, I rode in the dark to BART in Millbrae and took the train the rest of the way. That was an adventure that would have been both more fun and less of an adventure with someone else. I also like getting lost in the wilderness... and doing karaoke.
...do you love your work and see your self doing this or something similar for the forseeable future?
...I was chatting with some girlfriends last night, and one of them observed that I can both be incredibly creative in my job and there is nothing blocking me. A lot of it is customer service and marketing. But I also enjoy the project management, analysis and planning parts. I've been learning a lot at work lately about conflict resolution and "getting to yes". I used to think if someone said "no" that that was definitive. It turns out, at my job anyway, "no" means ask me again in a few weeks. It's very liberating. Who'd a thunk?
What have you learned from past relationships?
Ahahaah! I've learned a lot about myself and what I need. I've learned that if my partner isn't treating me the way I want to be treated, I must leave. I've learned to make sure we want the same big things in our future. I've learned to pay attention to my reaction to his past relationship stories. I've learned that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. I've learned that it's wrong to be with someone I am not deeply in love with just to avoid rocking the boat. I've learned how important it is to have a good group of friends outside the relationship... and a good set of hobbies. I've learned that the most important thing is for me to be completely in love with who I am in a relationship, and the second most important thing is for me to be in love with my partner.
I think "adventure" means different things to different people. What does adventure mean for you, and have you had any memorable adventures recently?
Some of my friends think I have a high tolerance for risk. So, my idea of adventure is probably different than others'. I travel a lot not because I like it but because it's good for me -- gives me perspective. I hope to be taking up new hobbies pretty much until I physically can't anymore. I believe that the brain never stops growing, that the human capacity for change and re-creation is unlimited and that embracing those activities is good and healthy. That said, I dislike wondering if I am going to die or where I am going to sleep tonight. So, I guess adventure to me is walking that fine line between uncertainty and discomfort.
Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
I do a lot of things, and I am very happy to keep most of my hobbies as my own (as opposed to "ours"). I have thought that I would like a partner who is a skilled camper. I am not a skilled camper. I am a competent person who likes the outdoors, but I don't have a lot of experience roughing it in the wilderness. It would be cool to be with someone who also likes the outdoors but has better outdoors skills than I do. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be that exact thing; it can be something like that.
They say life is about simple pleasures, what is your simplest pleasure, and how does it make you feel?
It would have to be tea. I really like cheap Irish breakfast tea with sugar and soymilk. I like it strong enough so that it tastes just a tiny bit bitter. It makes me feel comforted, invigorated, alive. I'm used to drinking tea with my mother or my best girlfriends. so, it probably reminds me of that intimacy.
Do you feel a particular connection with a type of animal, and if so which one and why?
I really like chickens. I am not a scared person -- it isn't their cliched meaning that I relate to. I like how directed they are (towards worms, scratching and eating). I like how silly they look. The way they tilt their heads to one side when you talk to them makes me smile. I enjoy their unbridled enthusiasm.
How do you envision a successful relationship? What is it that you truly want in your next relatioship?
That's a tricky one. I would like to keep my own hobbies and my own friends. On the other had, I would also like to have a lot of shared activities. I wouldn't mind sailing together sometimes, but I want to keep it my thing with my friends. A regular Sunday afternoon hike would be perfect. I would like to cook and clean and jog together. Sometimes reading the same book so that we can discuss it would be fun. I'm looking forward to lots of meaty conversations.
What kind of adventures appeal to you (urban & non) and how do you work 'excitement' into your life?
I feel like my life is full of adventures, but when I go to write down what they are... well, it seems less clear. ... On Wednesday, I left work in Sunnyvale on my bike. I got as far at Sam Mateo before it got dark. Then, I rode in the dark to BART in Millbrae and took the train the rest of the way. That was an adventure that would have been both more fun and less of an adventure with someone else. I also like getting lost in the wilderness... and doing karaoke.
...do you love your work and see your self doing this or something similar for the forseeable future?
...I was chatting with some girlfriends last night, and one of them observed that I can both be incredibly creative in my job and there is nothing blocking me. A lot of it is customer service and marketing. But I also enjoy the project management, analysis and planning parts. I've been learning a lot at work lately about conflict resolution and "getting to yes". I used to think if someone said "no" that that was definitive. It turns out, at my job anyway, "no" means ask me again in a few weeks. It's very liberating. Who'd a thunk?
What have you learned from past relationships?
Ahahaah! I've learned a lot about myself and what I need. I've learned that if my partner isn't treating me the way I want to be treated, I must leave. I've learned to make sure we want the same big things in our future. I've learned to pay attention to my reaction to his past relationship stories. I've learned that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. I've learned that it's wrong to be with someone I am not deeply in love with just to avoid rocking the boat. I've learned how important it is to have a good group of friends outside the relationship... and a good set of hobbies. I've learned that the most important thing is for me to be completely in love with who I am in a relationship, and the second most important thing is for me to be in love with my partner.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Cruise to Tiburon
Major characters: my guest Kristin (shown) and sailing friends Joyce, Mark and Scott
See here for more photos.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Remembering Yourself
When I can't do yoga on Sunday, I usually do it on Friday. I always have lots of "deep thoughts" at yoga class -- either self realizations or things the teacher said. Yesterday, she said that we are not looking to improve ourselves through practice, we are looking to remember ourselves. I have spent so much of my life trying to "be better" but I'm just learning that I can't be any better. I just want to be myself perfectly.
As I was having these thoughts after yoga, I had another thought. I did a lot of walking on Thursday. Wednesday, I biked home from work (about 40 miles). My body was more sore from all that walking than from the bike ride. My back hurt. I felt twisted. When I bike, I get a pinch in my neck, but my body feels completely in line. That's not the case when I propel myself independently.
As I type this, I can see a metaphor emerging. I need people, mechanisms, structure to function healthily. My desire for freedom makes me wish I could work for myself, but my need for structure and others makes that unrealistic. I don't think it's about being extroverted (because I'm not). It's like Dar Williams said:
"Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
"And I like the whole truth
"But there are nights I only need forgiveness"
These aren't things you can give yourself: reflection, witness, truth, forgiveness. You need to get them from others.
So, I was having these thoughts, and I realized that I'd completely forgotten the first thought about remembering yourself. I searched my brain for what it had been. After a moment, it came to me, but immediately I lost the second thought, about walking and the bicycle. I began to wonder if my brain can only hold on to one idea at a time... as if it has only one hand or no opposable thumbs. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, but I need to write everything down, set alarms for myself on my electronic calendar, keep lists. I was tired and disoriented after yoga class yesterday which is pretty common -- sometimes I walk into walls.
As I was having these thoughts after yoga, I had another thought. I did a lot of walking on Thursday. Wednesday, I biked home from work (about 40 miles). My body was more sore from all that walking than from the bike ride. My back hurt. I felt twisted. When I bike, I get a pinch in my neck, but my body feels completely in line. That's not the case when I propel myself independently.
As I type this, I can see a metaphor emerging. I need people, mechanisms, structure to function healthily. My desire for freedom makes me wish I could work for myself, but my need for structure and others makes that unrealistic. I don't think it's about being extroverted (because I'm not). It's like Dar Williams said:
"Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
"And I like the whole truth
"But there are nights I only need forgiveness"
These aren't things you can give yourself: reflection, witness, truth, forgiveness. You need to get them from others.
So, I was having these thoughts, and I realized that I'd completely forgotten the first thought about remembering yourself. I searched my brain for what it had been. After a moment, it came to me, but immediately I lost the second thought, about walking and the bicycle. I began to wonder if my brain can only hold on to one idea at a time... as if it has only one hand or no opposable thumbs. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, but I need to write everything down, set alarms for myself on my electronic calendar, keep lists. I was tired and disoriented after yoga class yesterday which is pretty common -- sometimes I walk into walls.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Top 40
I had this great idea to not work today, but alas, even the best laid plans.... I did however get a walk up to have my legs waxed (The woman recognized me by my privates!) and eat a whole bunch of pastries. Noe Valley Bakery remains my favorite, but Kalyani introduced me to Dianda's on Mission which is also pretty good. I would love to do a survey of all Bay Area bakeries, but I would need to decide on one pastry as my staple from which to judge, and I just can't commit.
Laura noticed on Sunday that I'd bought new sunglasses (after Tyler caused me to lose the original pair in the ocean in LA -- no, actually, it was totally my fault). "Coach?" she exclaimed, and then she said something about my paycheck that I will not repeat. Anyway, I need to get a tie to keep these gems on my face indefinitely; so, I popped into about 12 junk shops along Mission. No have. Maybe Walgreens?
I perused these shops to the soundtracks of my youth: "Girl just wanna have fun," etc. If I had known I would still be listening to these songs 20 years later, I would have listened to a whole lot less top 40 as a teenager. Do we still have top 40? Is new music being produced that isn't a remix or a cover? I haven't heard it in years.
OK, truth time: I bought "Since U been gone" from iTunes... and even some Shakira I ended up not liking. I've bought maybe 4 contemporary songs in the last few years, and maybe what this is all about is me not liking contemporary music anymore. Am I getting old? (Don't answer that.) I just want to be able to listen to the radio without hearing songs I first heard in my teens, but it seems like that's not an option.
I was napping a minute ago and I thought of something else I wanted to blog about but it's already gone. My sister Taylor sent me an "inspirational" little movie, and while it generally nauseated me, I did like the following quote (paraphrased): "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. Follow those."
Laura noticed on Sunday that I'd bought new sunglasses (after Tyler caused me to lose the original pair in the ocean in LA -- no, actually, it was totally my fault). "Coach?" she exclaimed, and then she said something about my paycheck that I will not repeat. Anyway, I need to get a tie to keep these gems on my face indefinitely; so, I popped into about 12 junk shops along Mission. No have. Maybe Walgreens?
I perused these shops to the soundtracks of my youth: "Girl just wanna have fun," etc. If I had known I would still be listening to these songs 20 years later, I would have listened to a whole lot less top 40 as a teenager. Do we still have top 40? Is new music being produced that isn't a remix or a cover? I haven't heard it in years.
OK, truth time: I bought "Since U been gone" from iTunes... and even some Shakira I ended up not liking. I've bought maybe 4 contemporary songs in the last few years, and maybe what this is all about is me not liking contemporary music anymore. Am I getting old? (Don't answer that.) I just want to be able to listen to the radio without hearing songs I first heard in my teens, but it seems like that's not an option.
I was napping a minute ago and I thought of something else I wanted to blog about but it's already gone. My sister Taylor sent me an "inspirational" little movie, and while it generally nauseated me, I did like the following quote (paraphrased): "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. Follow those."
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
Life and other scraps
I haven't felt much like posting lately, and I don't know why.
My general philosophy has changed and lengthened: if you are not wet, bruised, and covered in mysterious mosquito bites (we don't have bugs in San Francisco), you aren't alive.
...Which makes me wonder if my body isn't somehow holding me back, imprisoning me, while at the same time offering me this great opportunity: life.
Quotes (from other people):
"You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you."
-Deadwood
"The dollar lost strength the way many marriages break up, slowly and then all at once."
-Daniel Gross, Slate
My general philosophy has changed and lengthened: if you are not wet, bruised, and covered in mysterious mosquito bites (we don't have bugs in San Francisco), you aren't alive.
...Which makes me wonder if my body isn't somehow holding me back, imprisoning me, while at the same time offering me this great opportunity: life.
Quotes (from other people):
"You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you."
-Deadwood
"The dollar lost strength the way many marriages break up, slowly and then all at once."
-Daniel Gross, Slate
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Douglas Adams quote
"The disadvantages (of cars) involved pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm's way, turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to fill the air with and pouring the rest into the sea, all seemed to outweigh the advantages of being able to get more quickly from one place to another -- particularly when the place you arrived at had probably become, as a result of this, very similar to the place you had left, i.e., covered with tar, full of smoke and short of fish."
pg 162-163, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams
pg 162-163, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Jeans
I spent far more hours this afternoon than I wanted trying on jeans. For years, I have either avoided jeans or worn ones that didn't fit. But now, I know enough about my body and clothes and I have enough money for higher standards. I know only to bother with the "relaxed" or "curvy" or "wide legged" styles. At Gap, I took size 8 long and 10 long in Essential, Curvy, and Boot Cut (because they were on sale). They were $50. The Curvy 10 longs were OK, but the waist too big, and I don't really want to wear a 10. So, I passed.
I know the Easy Rider jeans at Lucky size 27 long fit me perfectly, but they're $100 and I already have a pair. I asked them if they have a darker color, but they don't.
Ann Taylor is usually a safe, if conservative bet, but they aren't carrying any casual non-capri pants this season.
Diesel was right there, and I have heard about Diesel jeans -- mostly that they are ridiculously expensive ($180). I'm willing to pay for jeans that fit; so, I thought I would give them a chance. I explained my situation to the sales lady, and she selected a few for me to try. They didn't fit. I nearly burst into tears.
I was going to give up, but I happened to glance into Old Navy which has never made clothes for my body. They have a new selection of jean styles: the Diva, the Sweetheart, and the Flirt. The Sweetheart have a "relaxed leg". After trying on at least 10 of them (Old Navy clothes vary within a size), I bought 2 of the 6 longs. They were $30.
Do you already know what I am about to say? By now, I know myself pretty well. I know what size I wear. I know which styles might fit me. I know what looks good on my body. But I still had to try on about 30 jeans today. Each pair, I truly, madly, deeply wanted to fit. It was exactly like dating.
I know the Easy Rider jeans at Lucky size 27 long fit me perfectly, but they're $100 and I already have a pair. I asked them if they have a darker color, but they don't.
Ann Taylor is usually a safe, if conservative bet, but they aren't carrying any casual non-capri pants this season.
Diesel was right there, and I have heard about Diesel jeans -- mostly that they are ridiculously expensive ($180). I'm willing to pay for jeans that fit; so, I thought I would give them a chance. I explained my situation to the sales lady, and she selected a few for me to try. They didn't fit. I nearly burst into tears.
I was going to give up, but I happened to glance into Old Navy which has never made clothes for my body. They have a new selection of jean styles: the Diva, the Sweetheart, and the Flirt. The Sweetheart have a "relaxed leg". After trying on at least 10 of them (Old Navy clothes vary within a size), I bought 2 of the 6 longs. They were $30.
Do you already know what I am about to say? By now, I know myself pretty well. I know what size I wear. I know which styles might fit me. I know what looks good on my body. But I still had to try on about 30 jeans today. Each pair, I truly, madly, deeply wanted to fit. It was exactly like dating.
Spenger's
My mother used to get shrimp scampi from the "to go" counter, and we would eat it eagerly in our unwashed kitchen or down by the marina on top of the car. I found the images and ideas of the old salty sailors a little scary -- long beards, scratchy booming voices, rough manners.... I took Spenger's for granted although I never wanted to lie on its carpet (like I did most carpets -- even on the BART train).
My best sailing girlfriend, Joyce, finally returned from sailing for 6 weeks in Tonga. Her stories include big waves and staying on course, accidental jibes in ocean passages with high seas, trouble with wind directions.... She told me some of them perched on the edge of our Precision as she gently corrected my point of sail. I told her that I used to say I sail because I like to drink, but now I say if you aren't wet and bruised you aren't really sailing. She said I've become saltier. Under her guidance, I did not crash into anything while docking.
After our little jaunt on the water, we went to Spenger's, where I haven't been in about 25 years, for my fish-and-chips project. I also had to get a Mai Tai. Both were fine, unremarkable. The drink lacked layering and an umbrella but contained lots of fruit. The chips were good if a bit limp. The fish was unimpressive in size and texture and the batter was... not the variety I prefer, more like bread crumbs.
They have a happy hour starting at 9 p.m. where a number of dishes are just 2 dollars. Joyce wanted to order every one on the menu, but I talked her down to 4, then 3. The best one was the shrimp scampi. We ate about one and half, and I took one home in a box.
My best sailing girlfriend, Joyce, finally returned from sailing for 6 weeks in Tonga. Her stories include big waves and staying on course, accidental jibes in ocean passages with high seas, trouble with wind directions.... She told me some of them perched on the edge of our Precision as she gently corrected my point of sail. I told her that I used to say I sail because I like to drink, but now I say if you aren't wet and bruised you aren't really sailing. She said I've become saltier. Under her guidance, I did not crash into anything while docking.
After our little jaunt on the water, we went to Spenger's, where I haven't been in about 25 years, for my fish-and-chips project. I also had to get a Mai Tai. Both were fine, unremarkable. The drink lacked layering and an umbrella but contained lots of fruit. The chips were good if a bit limp. The fish was unimpressive in size and texture and the batter was... not the variety I prefer, more like bread crumbs.
They have a happy hour starting at 9 p.m. where a number of dishes are just 2 dollars. Joyce wanted to order every one on the menu, but I talked her down to 4, then 3. The best one was the shrimp scampi. We ate about one and half, and I took one home in a box.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Harry Potter and the Deathly Harrows (not a book review)
Everyone's got it. I just put myself on the list to get it from the library. I am number 671. A fellow shuttle rider asked me why I don't just buy a copy. I said: "because I'm into denying myself the small pleasures of life." The real reason is that I don't want to deal with having it after I've read it. I only buy books used, from small independent publishers or by unestablished writers. JK Rowling doesn't need my money. I care more about that than immediate gratification.
Bride & Prejudice (2004)
I borrowed this movie from the library on a whim. Pride and Prejudice was a very important book for me in high school, and I figured I should see every movie inspired by the book. I didn't even notice that this is a Bollywood musical or that they changed one of the letters in the title. My expectations were very low based on the dvd cover and even lower when I noticed the name, but I didn't figure out the movie's genre until it started playing.
I used to love romantic movies because I used to believe that was possible and consider love stories a lesson for my future. I don't anymore. I avoid them. I told Matt the other day that I'm "cured", but cured of what? And is that good? ...Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about today.
This marriage of Jane Austen and Bollywood is a perfect match! It was fresh and exciting and remarkably true to the book while also believable for a modern Indian family. When the movie ended, I vowed to incorporate more dance into my daily life. We should merge mundane conversations with little songs, bright colors, and some shimmying. Join me, won't you, because I can't do it on my own. Dance with me!
I used to love romantic movies because I used to believe that was possible and consider love stories a lesson for my future. I don't anymore. I avoid them. I told Matt the other day that I'm "cured", but cured of what? And is that good? ...Anyway, that's not what I'm talking about today.
This marriage of Jane Austen and Bollywood is a perfect match! It was fresh and exciting and remarkably true to the book while also believable for a modern Indian family. When the movie ended, I vowed to incorporate more dance into my daily life. We should merge mundane conversations with little songs, bright colors, and some shimmying. Join me, won't you, because I can't do it on my own. Dance with me!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Death and Life
A while back, Tyler got me to sign up for okcupid, a free internet dating site with lots of fun tests. One of the tests included a series of questions:
• If you could save someone by killing yourself, would you?
• If you could save 50 people by killing yourself, would you?
• If you could save 10,000 people by killing yourself, would you?
My honest answer (I believe) to each of these questions was “no”. I think it goes back to the idea that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself, but my survival instinct is just too strong. I can’t imagine ever being that noble.
Or am I? You know how on the airplane, you’re always supposed to put your own mask on first before you assist others? It makes sense to me that if anyone needs saving, I would like to be there to actively do it. How do you know that your death will be effective in saving others?
Tina said it would depend on who it was. If it was her sister, then she would definitely die for her. If it was someone else, she’s less sure. But suppose Tina is on a boat with her sister and her sister falls off the boat. Tina jumping off the boat isn’t going to help anything, because then neither of them can get back on the boat. Tina’s sister would need to take some active measure to save herself by, say, swimming to the boat and pulling herself onto it.
The examples of the oxygen mask and the boat resonate most with me. They seem most like how the world works. On This American Life this week, the topic was “who can you save?” All the stories were fascinating. One was about a thought experiment like this: if you could save 4 men by flipping a switch that kills another one instead, would you? If you could save 4 men by actively killing another (pushing him off a bridge), would you? Most people say yes to the first and no to the second. This is odd since they are essentially the same thing.
A researcher asked people these questions while performing a brain scan on them. He found that different areas of the people’s brains fired more for each question, indicating that whichever biological reaction is louder is the one we obey (his hypothesis).
I feel profoundly troubled by the idea of actively killing another person by any mechanism. I am troubled by any association between choice and death. In high school, when everything was SO DEEP I read a book where people described their near-death experiences. They described a white light and dead loved ones calling to them from the other side. I think I remember a story where a dead loved on told the narrator to go back; that this isn’t the right time.
My mother says that my grandmother didn’t want to die when she did, but her body, and perhaps her family, gave up on her. Other times, you hear stories about people with relatively minor injuries going to the other side anyway. Decisions about life and death are profoundly personal. I don’t believe that I would be the right one to make a decision for another person, or 50 people, or 10,000 people, and yet, at the same time, I believe it is the responsibility of everyone in a community (in the form of social services) to facilitate life.
• If you could save someone by killing yourself, would you?
• If you could save 50 people by killing yourself, would you?
• If you could save 10,000 people by killing yourself, would you?
My honest answer (I believe) to each of these questions was “no”. I think it goes back to the idea that if you want something done right you have to do it yourself, but my survival instinct is just too strong. I can’t imagine ever being that noble.
Or am I? You know how on the airplane, you’re always supposed to put your own mask on first before you assist others? It makes sense to me that if anyone needs saving, I would like to be there to actively do it. How do you know that your death will be effective in saving others?
Tina said it would depend on who it was. If it was her sister, then she would definitely die for her. If it was someone else, she’s less sure. But suppose Tina is on a boat with her sister and her sister falls off the boat. Tina jumping off the boat isn’t going to help anything, because then neither of them can get back on the boat. Tina’s sister would need to take some active measure to save herself by, say, swimming to the boat and pulling herself onto it.
The examples of the oxygen mask and the boat resonate most with me. They seem most like how the world works. On This American Life this week, the topic was “who can you save?” All the stories were fascinating. One was about a thought experiment like this: if you could save 4 men by flipping a switch that kills another one instead, would you? If you could save 4 men by actively killing another (pushing him off a bridge), would you? Most people say yes to the first and no to the second. This is odd since they are essentially the same thing.
A researcher asked people these questions while performing a brain scan on them. He found that different areas of the people’s brains fired more for each question, indicating that whichever biological reaction is louder is the one we obey (his hypothesis).
I feel profoundly troubled by the idea of actively killing another person by any mechanism. I am troubled by any association between choice and death. In high school, when everything was SO DEEP I read a book where people described their near-death experiences. They described a white light and dead loved ones calling to them from the other side. I think I remember a story where a dead loved on told the narrator to go back; that this isn’t the right time.
My mother says that my grandmother didn’t want to die when she did, but her body, and perhaps her family, gave up on her. Other times, you hear stories about people with relatively minor injuries going to the other side anyway. Decisions about life and death are profoundly personal. I don’t believe that I would be the right one to make a decision for another person, or 50 people, or 10,000 people, and yet, at the same time, I believe it is the responsibility of everyone in a community (in the form of social services) to facilitate life.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Quick update
I mentioned earlier that I've become one of "those people" which now turns out to mean that I don't even have the time to blog that I want. A few things I want to tell you about are:
1) I biked to work again yesterday except this time we took the hilly route about 50 miles took 5 hours. My companions were 3 strapping young men all very patient with me. And the ride was SO BEAUTIFUL I hardly know what to say to communicate that to you. I think the hilly route is probably worth the climbs and extra 15 miles for the views.
2) I went to LA the other weekend and had a great time. I also lost my sunglasses in the ocean. I want to describe the trip in greater detail.
3) The Slate Gabfest discussed "slicing the apple" of the war in Iraq. I think this is an interesting idea worth picking apart.
4) Charlie did a group reading of their creative writing Wednesday night, and I jotted down a few ideas and turns of phrase I like. I bought the book so should be able to reference accurately.
5) Book review of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Consider it all forthcoming.
Photo by Allen Tom
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Stumbling from defeat to defeat
Someone at the gallery made a print of this quote: "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." -Anais Nin. Except that I think the artist at my gallery wrote "Love" instead of "Life". I looked it up on the ever-reliable interweb and found it this way. I also found the title to this post as part of a less-interesting longer quote.
Most of my life I've worried that people didn't like me so much as think I'm pretty. After a while, I realized that I'm not actually THAT pretty. But I had the experience again last night at my gallery opening party. I spent a long time chatting with a guy about my work, even gave him my card, but I think he was more interested in the artist than the work. Alas!
Then a bunch of us went to Revolution for drinks, and Kristin and I picked up 3 20-year-old boys. One asked me how old I am, which offended me, but he saved himself by saying that he knew I was older because I was completely comfortable in a bar. We tried to go to another bar, but the boys would have been carded. The one I liked didn't seem inclined to make out with me in an alley someplace. So, Kristin and I left them at Cancun and went home.
Most of my life I've worried that people didn't like me so much as think I'm pretty. After a while, I realized that I'm not actually THAT pretty. But I had the experience again last night at my gallery opening party. I spent a long time chatting with a guy about my work, even gave him my card, but I think he was more interested in the artist than the work. Alas!
Then a bunch of us went to Revolution for drinks, and Kristin and I picked up 3 20-year-old boys. One asked me how old I am, which offended me, but he saved himself by saying that he knew I was older because I was completely comfortable in a bar. We tried to go to another bar, but the boys would have been carded. The one I liked didn't seem inclined to make out with me in an alley someplace. So, Kristin and I left them at Cancun and went home.
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