Pictures of babies in pink sweaters

A professional friend send me a chain email with pictures of babies in pink sweaters accompanied by inspirational words. I read it; I can be moved by this sort of thing despite my learned cynicism. ...Which reminds me of something else I have been thinking lately. I was a deeply idealistic child. I didn't understand how the step sisters could be mean to Cinderella. Why be mean? I have struggled with reality.

In 6th grade, I attended a combined class of 4th through 6th graders. This meant that the older kids had some obligation to mentor the younger kids. We were year-round secret Santa for them and traded stickers. I was overly nice to 2 little girls because I was older and had the moral high ground. I thought I had the skills to make them feel good about themselves. But that's not how it played out. Instead, they thought I was stupid.

If I had been giving from my heart because I wanted to give, I suppose that wouldn't matter. But it bothered me that, for example, they thought I was not smart enough to make a good sticker trade (when really I was just being generous). Now that I have a regular income, I find my generosity has not grown in proportion to my wealth. But I don't want to be talking about the material; it's just easier to explain.

On the one hand, I think anyone who puts up with me should be generously rewarded with love and attention. On the other hand, when people I'm close with are thoughtless, selfish or (un)intentionally mean, I feel compelled to adjust the situation.

So, like Elizabeth said years ago: "If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, don't spend time with them," this chain email advised: "Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

The line between nice and stupid is fine. People can understand that what they put into the world comes back. But that's their second thought. The first thought is self-protecting, self-serving. Like when that woman used wild animal training techniques to keep her husband on the other side of the kitchen while she cooks, people often do the wrong thing (crowd their spouse in the kitchen) for the right reason (because they want to be close to their spouse). Now, "being in the kitchen" could actually be (metaphorically) something mean that you do for the right reason... or you could react meanly to someone crowding you in the kitchen (metaphorically or actually). You decide how you want to express yourself... except sometimes you reacts before you have a chance to intervene.

I could be wrong, but meanness feels a lot like disrespect to me sometimes... and vice versa. and then there's a lot of other things that sometimes feel like one or the other of those. So, if a person is disappointing you in how they address or handle you, you can choose not to love them... or at least not to let that love grow any further. The world is big with lots of people in it, and while I believe in investing in the people I have connecting with over the years, really hanging onto them, I'm also proud. If you have to fight to make someone give you what you need in a relationship, maybe it isn't the right relationship.

That doesn't feel like the end of this thought string, but it will have to be for now.