The World's Not Falling Apart

Dar Williams: The World's Not Falling Apart (song lyrics)

Welcome to the golden age of speed with grace
Waiting for the angry gods to smite our race
I logged on to Africa in just one day
I opened a door and that's OK
It's not an end it's just a start
Not an end it's just a start

The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me

I have watched the kids who make their scenes
I have met the riot girls who print their zines
They write the word, they raise a thought
They say who they are, they try what they're not
Because life is such a changing art
Life is such a changing art

The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me

The closest thing to God that i have heard
Is when i knew i did not have the final word
You say the world has lost it's love
I say embrace what it's made of
I'll snake a camera to your heart
Snake a camera to your heart

The world's not falling apart
The world's not falling apart
Because of me

I listen to Dar a lot especially when I am looking for answers. She seems to provide them. I went to yoga tonight at my gym. I heard people ask for various emphases: hamstrings, knee strengthening; but I didn't hear anyone ask for digestive assistance. She may have thought that one up on her own. During savasana, she talked about how letting go feels painful, but it opens us up to new things.

My team at work is great. The other teams can be more of a challenge for us. Today, I learned that two other teams made a series of decisions about my project without telling me (or presumably anyone on my team or they would have told me I hope). Planning is something you *have to do* between the conception of an idea and its construction. I think I managed to talk them into actually incorporating our collaboratively-determined plans into their manifestation.

My first thought when I learned of their initial decision without me was "can I break up with these people?" Because breaking up can get habit forming. After I broke up with Grayson, I felt inclined to fire my employees at the end of each day. They didn't think that joke was very funny. I don't know why. You probably know that I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago. (considering that I have exactly 6 readers -- I assume you all know me.) I don't usually break up with people because I can't stand hurting people's feelings, but sometimes a woman is pushed to her limit. So, I realized that my first temptation with these other teams was to dump them out of habit.

Of course, that isn't possible. And this is probably a really good life lesson. I tend to overexamine ideas until they are transparent like thin mountain air, and then I follow my gut. I've talked about that a lot -- I read a study that said that's the best way to make decisions. I also learned in Stumbling on Happiness (which I listened to on my iPod bc like everyone else I no longer read.

Actually, that merits a tangent. Did you read the article that claimed that we as a society no longer read, and it's Google's fault? I didn't. I listened to a podcast of people talking about it. Case in point. Sorry, I can't find the source -- maybe the Washington Post???)

...that we cannot predict our own happiness. The best gauge of what will make us happy is to examine where other people have found happiness. That's tricky because I don't know that many happy people who I admire enough to emulate. But I do think that staying in a relationship being miserable can't possibly be the right thing to do. When Jared broke up with me in 2006, I believed it was absolutely the wrong thing to do. My sister told me that if, after a while, we both came to the conclusion that we should be together, we would certainly find our way back together again. But, of course, instead we both got over it and moved on. I suspect me more than him since I cyberstalked him once since we split up, and my tracker suggests that he reads this blog with some regularity.

On the other hand (isn't there always another hand? How many hands do we really need?), I've heard couples say that they "just let it get away" which makes me wonder if love is really so unstable. Or, rather, why it is? My mother clipped an article for me from National Geographic that said that the average feeling of being "in love" lasts up to 4 years because that's how long it takes for a child to be conceived and grow to no longer be completely dependent on its parents. Interesting, this is consistent with Brian's theory about our modern lives breaking up naturally into 5-year cycles. I can see my life breaking up into segments, but they don't necessarily have to do with any particular relationship or standard time period.

I no longer believe in true love or destiny, but I do believe that if I listen to my gut, even if what it is telling me hurts, I will find my right path.