Love and other disasters

We can only stand so much wisdom. I have had the movie Love and Other Disasters in my instant view netflix queue for a while bc I like the name. Today, I went to Sunday Streets, where they blocked off a street along the eastern portion of the City for people to bike, skate and otherwise enjoy the street without dangerous cars from Chinatown to Bayview. I found Jason, Brian and friend-from-out-of-town Dara immediately upon arriving at the event by accident. We had a lovely time and of course saw everyone we know. I'll probably post some photos somewhere sometime.

Near the end of our time together (I had a massage appointment at 3), they shared with me that they'd recently watched Love and Other Disasters and learned about the farting stages of relationships:
Stage 1: denial -- you both pretend that you don't fart or produce any waste.
Stage 2: intimacy -- you find out that your partner farts, and you think it's adorable.
Stage 3: reality -- you either accept that your partner farts and produces waste or you find them disgusting bc of it.
My response: Oh, you mean you either like them or you don't like them enough to stay together. duh.

I have been miserable in a lot of relationships... ~8 (defined as serious, consistent and lasting more than 6 months). Sure, I've liked some of them more than others. I've stayed with them after I should have left. I've waited for them to come back after I should have moved on. But none of that is real measure of how much I liked them. My project over recent years is to try to pay attention to how much I like people rather than reacting to how much they like me. (I see my sister and other friends making this mistake over and over.) The exercise is extremely challenging.

Tonight, I streamed the movie. The farting thing was cute, but to me not really the point. More truth, I thought, was in the ending message: love is a choice. That is, you choose to love someone who:
1) you like. (not to be confused with who likes you.)
2) really wants to be in a relationship with you.
3) is available and an appropriate choice. (not with someone else, the ex of your best friend, unable to leave another country, and/or the wrong age, class, education level and/or with the wrong interests or belief system etc.)
Meeting someone with those characteristics can take time. But it doesn't take that much time.

I've been dating for 20 years, and I've had relationships with a few people who met those qualifications. I can tell you with absolute certainty, finding them may be the part that movies are about, the interesting part, but it isn't the hard part. The hard part is finding happiness with this person who you love and who loves you. The hard part is staying together.

True love used to be my goal. I lost that religion. From observing my own life and the lives of people around me, I know with absolute certainty that love is not enough. I don't know what my future will bring, but I care for that future self as if she were my child. The one thing I wish for her more than anything else is that she be happy.