Fairness

I was all dressed up to go out last night, and then I undressed and went to bed instead. It sounds like my friend survived, and I slept for 13 hours. Am I sick?

"A new study from researchers at UCLA shows that getting a fair offer, such as evenly splitting the dinner tab, sparks the same brain pathways that get fired up when you win money or eat chocolate. It's just another reason to always act equitably towards friends and strangers alike." I'm not sure about that last leap of narrative, but I definitely judge people and actions based on their relative fairness. I'm just not sure that what is fair is always objective. The decision is easy when, for example, my dish was $17 more than a companion's but he tells me I owe $32 more of the bill -- that wasn't fair. But what about the distribution of time or effort spent on a relationship? What about how couples decide about their future (whether its where to live, whether to get married or split up, or which friends they cultivate)?

On "How I met your mother" the Doogie Howser character, who is supposed to be a womanizer, explains to another character how he does it. He flirts with a girl and then subtly insults her. The woman then, I guess, feels she has something to prove to this suitor; so, she goes home with him to try to make him like her. I was out on a date the other day, and the gentleman tried that one on me. Of course, I wasn't going to take him home that night anyway, but I emailed him a few days later to let him off the hook for future dates. Around the same time, a guy was hitting on me at a bar and tried something similar. I walked away.

So, at this dinner the other night, I asked my gentleman friends about it. One said, "oh, yes. There is a book called 'The Game.'" ...I guess this one is a sort of "different strokes for different folks" observation. I've definitely been in relationships where my boyfriend let me know that I wasn't "all that", but, well, I'm not in any of those relationships anymore obviously. AND that happened long after the deal was sealed.

I wasn't sure if this post was going to make any sense, but suddenly it does. If you don't find me attractive, don't date me. If you don't want to pay your portion of the bill, don't eat at the restaurant (gosh, that works literally and figuratively). As JoAnne said ages ago: "if you're not ready to be rejected, you're not ready to date." But wait, there's more. I say: If you're not ready to treat others with kindness, fairness and compassion, you're not ready for social society.

...although, in reality, people will probably put up with you anyway. Those people might just not include me. And you might be fine with that.

"Manners are the way we show other people that they matter."
-Mr. Manners, QDNow