Those People

I've become one of those people. There are 30 unopened, unfiled, unfiltered emails in my personal email inbox. I'm not sure I've returned all personal calls. My home "in box" (papers, to dos) is overflowing; I'm not even sure what's in it. I feel like I'm always late and sometimes rather flaky. I've gone to the other side.

My whole life I've kept up with everything, personal, professional, social.... I was on time and on top of it all. I kept a list of my friends and made sure I got in touch with them at regular intervals. The change hasn't happened over night -- it's been very gradual, but here I am afraid to go through my email for fear of what I've missed. My apartment is messy, and I don't feel the slightest bit depressed.

I could blame my commute -- it's sometimes 3 hours a day door to door. But I worked longer hours at NN. I also now work only 30 hours/week, which means I have at least one if not 2 weekdays north of the San Bruno Mountains. I learned a long time ago that busy=happy for me (within reason). Work is going well; my art is selling (which means I need to keep producing); my social life is dynamic and exciting; even my hobbies are thriving (I finally made junior skipper at the sailing club, and I find I can jog much longer than ever before).

At the same time, I have some complaints. My apartment is messy; I'm behind in my personal communications; I'm less flexible when I do yoga; I'm tired nearly all the time. C'est la vie, never perfect. What I've got isn't broken; so, I ain't gonna fix it. (Can you tell I've been watching Deadwood.)

Speaking of television, I have a few stored up observations. I thought I would try Gilmore Girls again because 2 of my recent exes liked it. I found it insipid and intolerable, but I can't figure out why (which explain the lack of a post on it). Was it that those people just didn't have real problems? I watched into the second season because 1) I am not a quitter! and 2) I really enjoyed the character Michel -- I wanted as much time with him as possible. In the show's defense, it also began a certain train of thought I'm still working on about humility and working out problems in our most important relationships.

I'm into the second season of Deadwood now, and, so far, I'm hooked. Maybe I just like my shows dark. Most of the characters are annoying, but they are all complicated and sympathetic. Far and away my favorite is Calamity Jane -- I just wish she'd show up more!

I watched Brick the other day, and it reminded me of a dark, arty, teenage Survivor. Except I'm just not that sure that there's any way to predict the way other people will react. I don't have it in me to deceive or try to influence a person to do something I don't think they should do, and I believe most people are like I am. Even those who do get found out and lose their influence at some point; so, why bother?

I'm learning a lot from TV, work, life.... Maybe that's why I'm having so much trouble keeping up with things.