Why have the gods brought me this gift?

Someone called me "Sparky" recently. I liked that. Do you think I should start calling myself "Sparky"?

My boss gave a talk last week. I didn't plan to attend bc 1) it cost $25 and expense reports are a lot of trouble. 2) I knew everything he was going to say already. 3) The venue did not overwhelm me. But he was worried no one would come and asked me especially to come support him. So, I did.

They offered a drawing prize for people who registered ontime as a small thank you: a Starbucks card. I generally don't go to Starbucks because they put the local coffee shops out of business, but when they began the drawing I knew I would win. The organizer asked my boss to draw a name.

He drew a name that he could not pronounce. He tried, but no one came forward. He tried to pronounce it again with help. This time, the organizer decided the person wasn't present.

He drew another name. This one was even harder to pronounce. He tried, got help, tried again.... The person did not come forward.

He drew a third name. It was mine.

Notwithstanding the fact that names are a very strange thing, I couldn't help but think that the drawing was fixed. Plus, what do I want with a Starbucks card? I love winning; doesn't everyone? But of all the things worth winning in the world, I couldn't help but think that this one would mean more to someone else. Why did the gods bring me this gift?

Along the same lines, I felt an overwhelming attraction to a certain man some time back. He liked me to, and we started down that road. I can only speak for myself: he was unbelievably irritating. I'm sure I'm irritating too. But why did the gods give me this attraction to someone who in no way has what it takes to be my partner?

Life is so full of lessons that I don't want to lose any of them. I want to make the most of this one precious life. Why make me feel good only to make me wonder? I want to be grateful for every gift, but some gifts turn out to be curses.

I'm doing fine with my Starbucks card and single. You can even call me Sparky tho it feels like a lie. I keep my weekend nights for my friends (we don't drink coffee at night) and date on other nights and day times. I'm waiting for the gods to give me a sign.