NEWFLASH: Indecision Hurts

"It hurts to even think of those days. The damage we do by the hopes that we raise."
-Aimee Mann

I'm goofing around so far today when there are about a million things I should be doing. I should cut myself some slack. I work a lot.

I'm listening to my podcasts. Mr. Manners just reviewed how to handle holiday scheduling. He said something I found remarkable: it can be more hurtful to waffle and then not show up than to be clear about your plans from the beginning. Thinking about this, I realize it's true of many aspects of life.

Friends/Family -- Mr. Manners covered this.

Employment -- I used to apply for every job I found, and see how many offers I could get and play them off each other. A few years ago, I learned that this is inconsiderate to my potential employers who spend time reviewing my application and getting offers approved by their board (for example) without knowing my ambivalence. Likewise, it doesn't make sense for employers to interview me once and sometimes even twice when they still have a number of candidates under review. My time is valuable, even more so when I am consulting (either for myself or for a firm). Both employers and their applicants should limit their inquiries to only when there is real interest and seek out mechanisms to determine their interest (like tests or networking) before taking up each other's time.

Promotion -- Along the same lines, employers shouldn't put employees up for promotion unless they sincerely believe the employee will get it. I've seen this happen a few times, and in every case, it has led either to the employee leaving or to needing a great deal of damage control to keep them. Save everyone a lot of time and heartbreak and communicate your opinion/concerns up front.

Dating -- We all know that that period when a relationship is ending is the worst, much worse than before and after it. Likewise, I have wasted a lot of time (and missed other opportunities) thinking about boys who just "aren't that into me" but string me along (probably to "save my feelings"). Human nature is complicated, but wouldn't it be great if we could get to know each other as friends and see if a strong emotional/physical connection evolves? ...and see if there is potential for a deeper partnership with the person?

Housing -- I've even had the experience of being delayed by potential housemates not being clear about their level of interest in joining the household. In this case, like with employment, the risk is deeper bc basic human needs (money, shelter) are involved. (Altho the stakes aren't as potentially emotional devastating as the end of a relationship.)

In sum, humans are complicated. Future needs and feelings mysterious. But that's all that much more reason to act deliberately. Get to know people. Meditate and get plenty of sleep so that you know what you really think. Don't over- or under-express yourself. Respect people's time including travel time. Pay attention and remember your observations. Keep your eye on the big picture.