Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Photos of my sister and mother biking in Ireland
You can tell she is my sister bc of the continual scone commentary.
Photos
Photos
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Nightmare
I'm listening to the Talk of the Nation as I prepare for tonight's hanging at the gallery. The topic is The Anatomy of the Nightmare. The definition of a nightmare is a dream so bad it wakes you up. Sleep labs found that something like 70% of all dreams are negative.
Question everything. What is a dream? What is sleep and how is it different from being awake? Let's accept for a moment that being awake and being asleep are fundamentally the same. That is, they are both mechanisms through which we process our emotions and concerns.
In college, I was briefly involved with Brendan who had a very bad reputation. I didn't care, but I heard the stories from the gossips and speculated on how they correlated with the stories of his life that he told me. I won't go into the details. This is relevant bc one of his speech -isms was to call all kinds of his life experiences "nightmares". I found it aptly descriptive and began using it too.
A nightmare, then, is something that happens (in life) that is so negative it wakes us up. It throws us out of our patterns. It bring us consciousness to our actions and how they relate to our values. My relationship (lowecase "r") with Brendan was not a nightmare; my Relationship with Jared was. I've had a few jobs that were nightmares. I even had a living experience that was a nightmare once.
If 70% of all dreams are negative, dreams so bad you wake up are nightmares, and waking life isn't nearly so negative, maybe a waking "nightmare" isn't necessarily always negative. On the other hand, maybe we need a new word for that. I've had many positive life experiences that have caused me to "wake up" to my actions and how they relate to my values.
Question everything. What is a dream? What is sleep and how is it different from being awake? Let's accept for a moment that being awake and being asleep are fundamentally the same. That is, they are both mechanisms through which we process our emotions and concerns.
In college, I was briefly involved with Brendan who had a very bad reputation. I didn't care, but I heard the stories from the gossips and speculated on how they correlated with the stories of his life that he told me. I won't go into the details. This is relevant bc one of his speech -isms was to call all kinds of his life experiences "nightmares". I found it aptly descriptive and began using it too.
A nightmare, then, is something that happens (in life) that is so negative it wakes us up. It throws us out of our patterns. It bring us consciousness to our actions and how they relate to our values. My relationship (lowecase "r") with Brendan was not a nightmare; my Relationship with Jared was. I've had a few jobs that were nightmares. I even had a living experience that was a nightmare once.
If 70% of all dreams are negative, dreams so bad you wake up are nightmares, and waking life isn't nearly so negative, maybe a waking "nightmare" isn't necessarily always negative. On the other hand, maybe we need a new word for that. I've had many positive life experiences that have caused me to "wake up" to my actions and how they relate to my values.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
NEWFLASH: Indecision Hurts
"It hurts to even think of those days. The damage we do by the hopes that we raise."
-Aimee Mann
I'm goofing around so far today when there are about a million things I should be doing. I should cut myself some slack. I work a lot.
I'm listening to my podcasts. Mr. Manners just reviewed how to handle holiday scheduling. He said something I found remarkable: it can be more hurtful to waffle and then not show up than to be clear about your plans from the beginning. Thinking about this, I realize it's true of many aspects of life.
Friends/Family -- Mr. Manners covered this.
Employment -- I used to apply for every job I found, and see how many offers I could get and play them off each other. A few years ago, I learned that this is inconsiderate to my potential employers who spend time reviewing my application and getting offers approved by their board (for example) without knowing my ambivalence. Likewise, it doesn't make sense for employers to interview me once and sometimes even twice when they still have a number of candidates under review. My time is valuable, even more so when I am consulting (either for myself or for a firm). Both employers and their applicants should limit their inquiries to only when there is real interest and seek out mechanisms to determine their interest (like tests or networking) before taking up each other's time.
Promotion -- Along the same lines, employers shouldn't put employees up for promotion unless they sincerely believe the employee will get it. I've seen this happen a few times, and in every case, it has led either to the employee leaving or to needing a great deal of damage control to keep them. Save everyone a lot of time and heartbreak and communicate your opinion/concerns up front.
Dating -- We all know that that period when a relationship is ending is the worst, much worse than before and after it. Likewise, I have wasted a lot of time (and missed other opportunities) thinking about boys who just "aren't that into me" but string me along (probably to "save my feelings"). Human nature is complicated, but wouldn't it be great if we could get to know each other as friends and see if a strong emotional/physical connection evolves? ...and see if there is potential for a deeper partnership with the person?
Housing -- I've even had the experience of being delayed by potential housemates not being clear about their level of interest in joining the household. In this case, like with employment, the risk is deeper bc basic human needs (money, shelter) are involved. (Altho the stakes aren't as potentially emotional devastating as the end of a relationship.)
In sum, humans are complicated. Future needs and feelings mysterious. But that's all that much more reason to act deliberately. Get to know people. Meditate and get plenty of sleep so that you know what you really think. Don't over- or under-express yourself. Respect people's time including travel time. Pay attention and remember your observations. Keep your eye on the big picture.
-Aimee Mann
I'm goofing around so far today when there are about a million things I should be doing. I should cut myself some slack. I work a lot.
I'm listening to my podcasts. Mr. Manners just reviewed how to handle holiday scheduling. He said something I found remarkable: it can be more hurtful to waffle and then not show up than to be clear about your plans from the beginning. Thinking about this, I realize it's true of many aspects of life.
Friends/Family -- Mr. Manners covered this.
Employment -- I used to apply for every job I found, and see how many offers I could get and play them off each other. A few years ago, I learned that this is inconsiderate to my potential employers who spend time reviewing my application and getting offers approved by their board (for example) without knowing my ambivalence. Likewise, it doesn't make sense for employers to interview me once and sometimes even twice when they still have a number of candidates under review. My time is valuable, even more so when I am consulting (either for myself or for a firm). Both employers and their applicants should limit their inquiries to only when there is real interest and seek out mechanisms to determine their interest (like tests or networking) before taking up each other's time.
Promotion -- Along the same lines, employers shouldn't put employees up for promotion unless they sincerely believe the employee will get it. I've seen this happen a few times, and in every case, it has led either to the employee leaving or to needing a great deal of damage control to keep them. Save everyone a lot of time and heartbreak and communicate your opinion/concerns up front.
Dating -- We all know that that period when a relationship is ending is the worst, much worse than before and after it. Likewise, I have wasted a lot of time (and missed other opportunities) thinking about boys who just "aren't that into me" but string me along (probably to "save my feelings"). Human nature is complicated, but wouldn't it be great if we could get to know each other as friends and see if a strong emotional/physical connection evolves? ...and see if there is potential for a deeper partnership with the person?
Housing -- I've even had the experience of being delayed by potential housemates not being clear about their level of interest in joining the household. In this case, like with employment, the risk is deeper bc basic human needs (money, shelter) are involved. (Altho the stakes aren't as potentially emotional devastating as the end of a relationship.)
In sum, humans are complicated. Future needs and feelings mysterious. But that's all that much more reason to act deliberately. Get to know people. Meditate and get plenty of sleep so that you know what you really think. Don't over- or under-express yourself. Respect people's time including travel time. Pay attention and remember your observations. Keep your eye on the big picture.
What's Coming Up
My last post was about the recent past. I have a few other past posts to process. However, right now I am very excited that yesterday I bought a ticket to visit Juliette and Guillaume in Hong Kong and registered for a woodcut class in December.
Music, Language, Art
My friends and I have been doing a good job of enjoying this City's cultural resources. Two weeks ago, we enjoyed the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival in Golden Gate Park. I went on Saturday and had such a good time, I decided to return the next day instead of sailing. We heard:
Michelle Shocked
Gillian Welch*
Los Lobos
Charlie Louvin
Hot Buttered Rum
Mekons -- interestingly sort of country punk
Dry Branch Fire Squad*
Jorma Kaukonen*
* indicates particular favorites
During the DBFS the Blue Angels kept flying overhead. The tall man improvised with this odd musical situation well in his monologue.
Last weekend, we did the Lit Crawl. We met first at Casanova as a woman read her personal travel essay about peeing in Antarctica. The room was very crowded; so, we dashed across the street and had a cocktail at Blondie's.
Next, Kristin wanted to hear the essays collectively titled "Girls Tell All" at the Beauty Bar. I found them unremarkable.
Finally, I thought it would be good for us to hear some poetry. At the Marsh, we heard poets read from "youth to beauty". I particularly enjoyed the first piece by a young man about his imaginary giraffe daughter and another later by an older man about "America". Of course, I didn't note down anyone's name tho I should have.
What's totally awesome about the Lit Crawl is the hordes of people who come out and run from venue to venue to hear other people's creative writing. I haven't felt like writing lately, and I only feel a poem coming on every once in while, but I came away from the event feeling inspired and good about my work. What makes a "writer", I guess, is that they write (regardless of quality or content). Not that I accept labels.
Sunday, we did the Bike Coalition's ride to the Marin Headland's Center for the Arts. I love that bike ride, and wished continually that I had remembered to charge my camera -- it was so beautiful. (I've been feeling rather frustrated with myself lately. I haven't taken an art-worthy photo in about a year, and many of ones I took a year ago I can't use bc of their resolution.) There, they have a smattering of "artists in residence" working on various interesting projects -- all ambitious, some remarkable. An example of my lack of commitment to blogging right now is that I didn't note any names.
I have a card from Danielle Nelson Mourning's show where she traced her ancestors in Ireland and took photos of herself simulating what their lives may have been like. She used large-format film on a "field camera". We discussed the unique nature of winter light. I love the idea of constructed self-portrait.
Michelle Shocked
Gillian Welch*
Los Lobos
Charlie Louvin
Hot Buttered Rum
Mekons -- interestingly sort of country punk
Dry Branch Fire Squad*
Jorma Kaukonen*
* indicates particular favorites
During the DBFS the Blue Angels kept flying overhead. The tall man improvised with this odd musical situation well in his monologue.
Last weekend, we did the Lit Crawl. We met first at Casanova as a woman read her personal travel essay about peeing in Antarctica. The room was very crowded; so, we dashed across the street and had a cocktail at Blondie's.
Next, Kristin wanted to hear the essays collectively titled "Girls Tell All" at the Beauty Bar. I found them unremarkable.
Finally, I thought it would be good for us to hear some poetry. At the Marsh, we heard poets read from "youth to beauty". I particularly enjoyed the first piece by a young man about his imaginary giraffe daughter and another later by an older man about "America". Of course, I didn't note down anyone's name tho I should have.
What's totally awesome about the Lit Crawl is the hordes of people who come out and run from venue to venue to hear other people's creative writing. I haven't felt like writing lately, and I only feel a poem coming on every once in while, but I came away from the event feeling inspired and good about my work. What makes a "writer", I guess, is that they write (regardless of quality or content). Not that I accept labels.
Sunday, we did the Bike Coalition's ride to the Marin Headland's Center for the Arts. I love that bike ride, and wished continually that I had remembered to charge my camera -- it was so beautiful. (I've been feeling rather frustrated with myself lately. I haven't taken an art-worthy photo in about a year, and many of ones I took a year ago I can't use bc of their resolution.) There, they have a smattering of "artists in residence" working on various interesting projects -- all ambitious, some remarkable. An example of my lack of commitment to blogging right now is that I didn't note any names.
I have a card from Danielle Nelson Mourning's show where she traced her ancestors in Ireland and took photos of herself simulating what their lives may have been like. She used large-format film on a "field camera". We discussed the unique nature of winter light. I love the idea of constructed self-portrait.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Questions Not to Ask Women
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
Are you pregnant?
[This came up bc my birthday is soon. I gained weight in France. I am not pregnant.]
How much do you weigh?
Are you pregnant?
[This came up bc my birthday is soon. I gained weight in France. I am not pregnant.]
Friday, October 12, 2007
Alogny Vacation in Review
[I wrote this post a while back, but neglected to post it until now.]
The New York Century was the least pretentious bike ride I have ever been on – very few little outfits. Most people rode fairly clunky bikes (including me), wore cotton, while making that 100 miles look easy (which it was being flat). We did something like 85.
The whole competitive cycling thing irritates me. I mean, taking anything so seriously that you become gaunt and wear odd clothes is irritating. These people love New York. They love cycling. They don’t get all fussed up about it like the people in California do. Of course, I haven’t done any other east coast rides. So, I don’t have a sample for comparison.
I’m on the train from the country back to Paris for a couple final days… really just a day and a half if you take travel time and sleeping into consideration. I was there a week and a day, but it went by like a flash. I’ll post a photo of Alogny to give you an idea. I didn’t even have time to read. Nine of us + one baby stayed there – friends from grad school at Berkeley and their significant others. So, it was a lot of visiting and drinking wine on the patio. We rented bikes for the week to we could tootle around between castles and see the gorgeous country side. The area is perfect for biking – little roads, not much traffic, beautiful countryside, just enough topography to keep it interesting.
So, yeah, there was visiting, biking, walking (Keturah and I each even did a run), eating and drinking. Probably best illustrated in pictures (posted here).
My mom has 4 pet chickens… or had. Now, she has one. The second to last died the first night we arrived after a few days of illness. They are (or were) back with brown eyes, and they spend their days scratching and moving around higgledy piggledy. We tried to care for the one remaining chicken when my mother was away – but we were an inferior second.
After a few days of her being away, my mother returned and the chicken ran around with more enthusiasm than we’d seen yet. Who knew that chickens can tell people apart and feel fondness for particular ones. Last night, Ryan went out to put the shut the chicken door (she usually puts herself to bed, but the door must be shut to keep the foxes from eating her). Marshall followed, and shortly returned to inform us that the chicken had not put herself to bed. Ryan was poking around in the bushes where she usually hangs out, when I came outside to double check. Well, the end of the story is rather dull – she had put herself to bed, just not where they had thought she would be. We called Ryan back in from the shrubbery before we lost him to the foxes.
It was a vacation in the traditional sense of the word… not that I needed one. (Ryan said he hadn’t taken a real vacation in several years.) I live my life like it’s a vacation… in the sense that I stay relaxed and I don’t let myself get worn out. (I’ve tried the alternative, and it didn’t work for me. I’ll cite health reasons.) Now, I’m actually exhausted.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
A Thought on the Role of Love
My friend Joyce said "I love everyone: my friends, my partner, my family, people I didn't even know. Then I realized, if I love everyone so much, why am I still unhappy?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
