Questions and Answers

I'm playing a slightly new little game that involves asking questions of strangers and vice versa. My mother suggested I post some of my more interesting answers. Here they are.

I think "adventure" means different things to different people. What does adventure mean for you, and have you had any memorable adventures recently?
Some of my friends think I have a high tolerance for risk. So, my idea of adventure is probably different than others'. I travel a lot not because I like it but because it's good for me -- gives me perspective. I hope to be taking up new hobbies pretty much until I physically can't anymore. I believe that the brain never stops growing, that the human capacity for change and re-creation is unlimited and that embracing those activities is good and healthy. That said, I dislike wondering if I am going to die or where I am going to sleep tonight. So, I guess adventure to me is walking that fine line between uncertainty and discomfort.

Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
I do a lot of things, and I am very happy to keep most of my hobbies as my own (as opposed to "ours"). I have thought that I would like a partner who is a skilled camper. I am not a skilled camper. I am a competent person who likes the outdoors, but I don't have a lot of experience roughing it in the wilderness. It would be cool to be with someone who also likes the outdoors but has better outdoors skills than I do. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be that exact thing; it can be something like that.

They say life is about simple pleasures, what is your simplest pleasure, and how does it make you feel?
It would have to be tea. I really like cheap Irish breakfast tea with sugar and soymilk. I like it strong enough so that it tastes just a tiny bit bitter. It makes me feel comforted, invigorated, alive. I'm used to drinking tea with my mother or my best girlfriends. so, it probably reminds me of that intimacy.

Do you feel a particular connection with a type of animal, and if so which one and why?
I really like chickens. I am not a scared person -- it isn't their cliched meaning that I relate to. I like how directed they are (towards worms, scratching and eating). I like how silly they look. The way they tilt their heads to one side when you talk to them makes me smile. I enjoy their unbridled enthusiasm.

How do you envision a successful relationship? What is it that you truly want in your next relatioship?
That's a tricky one. I would like to keep my own hobbies and my own friends. On the other had, I would also like to have a lot of shared activities. I wouldn't mind sailing together sometimes, but I want to keep it my thing with my friends. A regular Sunday afternoon hike would be perfect. I would like to cook and clean and jog together. Sometimes reading the same book so that we can discuss it would be fun. I'm looking forward to lots of meaty conversations.

What kind of adventures appeal to you (urban & non) and how do you work 'excitement' into your life?
I feel like my life is full of adventures, but when I go to write down what they are... well, it seems less clear. ... On Wednesday, I left work in Sunnyvale on my bike. I got as far at Sam Mateo before it got dark. Then, I rode in the dark to BART in Millbrae and took the train the rest of the way. That was an adventure that would have been both more fun and less of an adventure with someone else. I also like getting lost in the wilderness... and doing karaoke.

...do you love your work and see your self doing this or something similar for the forseeable future?
...I was chatting with some girlfriends last night, and one of them observed that I can both be incredibly creative in my job and there is nothing blocking me. A lot of it is customer service and marketing. But I also enjoy the project management, analysis and planning parts. I've been learning a lot at work lately about conflict resolution and "getting to yes". I used to think if someone said "no" that that was definitive. It turns out, at my job anyway, "no" means ask me again in a few weeks. It's very liberating. Who'd a thunk?

What have you learned from past relationships?
Ahahaah! I've learned a lot about myself and what I need. I've learned that if my partner isn't treating me the way I want to be treated, I must leave. I've learned to make sure we want the same big things in our future. I've learned to pay attention to my reaction to his past relationship stories. I've learned that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. I've learned that it's wrong to be with someone I am not deeply in love with just to avoid rocking the boat. I've learned how important it is to have a good group of friends outside the relationship... and a good set of hobbies. I've learned that the most important thing is for me to be completely in love with who I am in a relationship, and the second most important thing is for me to be in love with my partner.

Cruise to Tiburon

Major characters: my guest Kristin (shown) and sailing friends Joyce, Mark and Scott
See here for more photos.

Remembering Yourself

When I can't do yoga on Sunday, I usually do it on Friday. I always have lots of "deep thoughts" at yoga class -- either self realizations or things the teacher said. Yesterday, she said that we are not looking to improve ourselves through practice, we are looking to remember ourselves. I have spent so much of my life trying to "be better" but I'm just learning that I can't be any better. I just want to be myself perfectly.

As I was having these thoughts after yoga, I had another thought. I did a lot of walking on Thursday. Wednesday, I biked home from work (about 40 miles). My body was more sore from all that walking than from the bike ride. My back hurt. I felt twisted. When I bike, I get a pinch in my neck, but my body feels completely in line. That's not the case when I propel myself independently.

As I type this, I can see a metaphor emerging. I need people, mechanisms, structure to function healthily. My desire for freedom makes me wish I could work for myself, but my need for structure and others makes that unrealistic. I don't think it's about being extroverted (because I'm not). It's like Dar Williams said:
"Sometimes I see myself fine, sometimes I need a witness
"And I like the whole truth
"But there are nights I only need forgiveness"
These aren't things you can give yourself: reflection, witness, truth, forgiveness. You need to get them from others.

So, I was having these thoughts, and I realized that I'd completely forgotten the first thought about remembering yourself. I searched my brain for what it had been. After a moment, it came to me, but immediately I lost the second thought, about walking and the bicycle. I began to wonder if my brain can only hold on to one idea at a time... as if it has only one hand or no opposable thumbs. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker, but I need to write everything down, set alarms for myself on my electronic calendar, keep lists. I was tired and disoriented after yoga class yesterday which is pretty common -- sometimes I walk into walls.

Top 40

I had this great idea to not work today, but alas, even the best laid plans.... I did however get a walk up to have my legs waxed (The woman recognized me by my privates!) and eat a whole bunch of pastries. Noe Valley Bakery remains my favorite, but Kalyani introduced me to Dianda's on Mission which is also pretty good. I would love to do a survey of all Bay Area bakeries, but I would need to decide on one pastry as my staple from which to judge, and I just can't commit.

Laura noticed on Sunday that I'd bought new sunglasses (after Tyler caused me to lose the original pair in the ocean in LA -- no, actually, it was totally my fault). "Coach?" she exclaimed, and then she said something about my paycheck that I will not repeat. Anyway, I need to get a tie to keep these gems on my face indefinitely; so, I popped into about 12 junk shops along Mission. No have. Maybe Walgreens?

I perused these shops to the soundtracks of my youth: "Girl just wanna have fun," etc. If I had known I would still be listening to these songs 20 years later, I would have listened to a whole lot less top 40 as a teenager. Do we still have top 40? Is new music being produced that isn't a remix or a cover? I haven't heard it in years.

OK, truth time: I bought "Since U been gone" from iTunes... and even some Shakira I ended up not liking. I've bought maybe 4 contemporary songs in the last few years, and maybe what this is all about is me not liking contemporary music anymore. Am I getting old? (Don't answer that.) I just want to be able to listen to the radio without hearing songs I first heard in my teens, but it seems like that's not an option.

I was napping a minute ago and I thought of something else I wanted to blog about but it's already gone. My sister Taylor sent me an "inspirational" little movie, and while it generally nauseated me, I did like the following quote (paraphrased): "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart. Follow those."

Supermodel or Ex-Boyfriend?

Grayson, India, 1995

Life and other scraps

I haven't felt much like posting lately, and I don't know why.

My general philosophy has changed and lengthened: if you are not wet, bruised, and covered in mysterious mosquito bites (we don't have bugs in San Francisco), you aren't alive.

...Which makes me wonder if my body isn't somehow holding me back, imprisoning me, while at the same time offering me this great opportunity: life.

Quotes (from other people):
"You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you."
-Deadwood

"The dollar lost strength the way many marriages break up, slowly and then all at once."
-Daniel Gross, Slate

Douglas Adams quote

"The disadvantages (of cars) involved pulling lots of black sticky slime from out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm's way, turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to fill the air with and pouring the rest into the sea, all seemed to outweigh the advantages of being able to get more quickly from one place to another -- particularly when the place you arrived at had probably become, as a result of this, very similar to the place you had left, i.e., covered with tar, full of smoke and short of fish."
pg 162-163, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams