Pancakes and Compromise

I have 2 strings going in my mind/scraps. One’s about dating. The other, money and government. Instead, I think I will talk about the meaning of life... I mean, meaning in life. I watched Stranger than Fiction the other day. It was ok, but I love any time I can spend with Dustin Hoffman. In the movie, his character speculates about if you had to choose between staying alive or having pancakes, you would probably choose pancakes… I mean… life. But it would depend entirely on the quality of each.

A while back, I listened to a radio show (it might have been This American Life) about choice, life and survival. I already blogged about it. After discussing it with lots of people, I found that my sense of survival, or lack of inclination to sacrifice myself, was greater than most of the people I and the radio program asked. Either I am more honest or more selfish than everyone else.

Someone sent the following Onion article out on one of my lists: 30 Miserable Lives Lost In Greyhound Bus Crash. I think it was meant to be an example of negative associations with public transit, but I was thrown back into asking myself these same questions. What’s the point? What’s worth it? What isn’t?

As I told my dinner companion last night: I have learned that almost everything is exactly like dating. When considering ending a relationship, one asks oneself: what is this relationship worth to me, and is that more or less than what my life is worth to me without it? Likewise, when considering beginning a relationship: what is my single life worth to me, and how could this relationship make my life happier? Or: what are the chances I will meet someone I like more than this person? What are the chances I will get what I need from this person? What are the chances this relationship will end up meaning so much to me that I will never recover if it doesn’t workout, and what are the chances of that happening? In the words of Anne Sexton in Snow, “Someone once said: Don’t bite until you know whether it is bread or stone.” Except sometimes it is really hard to tell; so, try biting softly?

That hasn’t always worked for me -- it's all so mushy. I have heard the theory that it takes half the length of a relationship to get over it… or the whole length… or twice as long. I was recounting my romantic history to someone recently, and I realized that, if I ever get over anything, it has taken about the length of the relationship. Grayson’s former coworker Maureen had the theory that you meet someone you like about every 2 years. Grayson said 5. I don’t know what my statistic is because I don’t know how to define “like”. But I do notice that if you set yourself up right, you can manage to absolutely never be free of emotional baggage.

It’s good to have goals.

Oh, look at that. I managed to get weave dating into my thoughts on the meaning of life. What a shock.

Knowing yourself is an important and tricky thing. I work really hard at it. I know that I would not be willing to die for anything. KT’s dating checklist concept is, I guess, supposed to guide us on when to give up our single lives. Except: all of relationships are pretty mushy; how do we know when we are “ready”; and what about when you just really like people who don’t check all the boxes (more than the people you meet who do check them)?

KT’s got me watching this web-based TV show called Quarterlife about these self-indulgent, creative-type 20-somethings. A couple “parts” ago, I typed up a quote from the show, “responsibility is compromise.” The narrator’s talking about the sacrifices we make to get what we want in the future like dieting or working late. Sometimes, I get all irritated when my art sells because it means I have to make more. But then I remember that I make art because I want to make art. Because when I don’t make art, I feel like death, and I am not willing to die for anything. So, selling art is a way that I force myself to be a happy person.

It’s like constructive procrastination, where you are supposed to be doing one thing, but instead you accomplish all kinds of other things to procrastinate. That’s really what my life is all about. I create little games for myself where I’m forced to do what I know will make me happy. I know myself that well.

The string on Quarterlife doesn’t end there. In the current episode, she makes the observation that we have no choice. “Life compromises for you.” I don’t believe in luck, because I don’t believe in good (or bad). I believe in hard work and intension, and I believe in chance. Taking a good look at any situation (job, relationship, etc.), parts make you happy or miserable and everything on either side and in between. So, when examining pancakes, potential boyfriends and jobs, and what to do with the afternoon, I guess having a list, or at least a guiding belief system or set of principals can help. Or not. I’m enough of a romantic (still!) to believe that my gut will guide me.