The Rules (preliminary book review)

I read a few more pages of The Rules again the other night. I was struck by how crazy it is. Then, I read more and was struck by how honest it is. Who admits that they play games to get what they want? Very few. My third reaction was how real it is about the things we do to sabatage what we want.

For example, Rule #5: Don't call him and rarely return his calls. Now, not returning someone's calls is just plain rude, but when you really like someone you might be tempted to call him all the time. You do it with your best friend. You do it with your mother and your sister. But this guy in question doesn't know you well yet, and his feelings might or might not be in line with yours.

So, when the book recommended calling his home answering machine when he's at work and hanging up before the beep just to hear his voice, I understood. It's supply and demand -- too much supply leads to a lack of appreciation for the commodity. On the other hand, if you can find mechanism to get your needs met without overloading what you supply, well, it seems to me that everyone wins.

This book is for women more like I am than my friends. I have planned my wedding. I have named my children. I know what the house we will live in will look like. I've decided how chores will be divided up. It's flexible, but I have already thought it thru. Of course, my dates who aren't already in love with me might feel irritated or overwhelmed by this information. It might put them off. And that's just not necessary since... afterall, it's flexible.

A good friend of mine was very in love with this woman for, well, most of the 8 or so years I've been friends with him. It hasn't worked out. He told me once about how she liked to drink red wine in bed, and she is clumsy. I was horrified when he told me that she frequently spilled her red wine all over his white bed. "I thought it was cute," he explained. I'm waiting for someone to like me enough to think it's cute that I planned our future together 20 years ago.