[Question withheld bc this is actually an email excerpt]
...One can't argue with sexual preferences. For example, I can't help it that I'm attracted to men. None of us can control our "types". Some people are only attracted to petite blonds, others to people who talk a certain way or Asians or people who fall at a certain place on the butch-femme scale. I can offer friendship to a lot of people, but I'm only going to want to makeout with very few. The bottom line is best stated by my friend Joanne: "If you're not ready to be rejected, you're not ready to date." You don't want all the girls/boys to like you, just the right one.
Studies just released last week found that when making small decisions, like what kind of crackers to buy, people are happiest if they take time to think about it. When people make big decisions, like whether to buy a certain house, they are happiest if they don't deliberate consciously at all. ...The reason given was that there are too many variables in important decisions, and your conscious mind isn't able to process them all. Your unconscious, on the other hand, is able to work thru these variables. So, they recommend collecting all available information, and then not thinking about it until you make the decision.
My friend Elizabeth likes to recommend giving everyone the opportunity of 3 dates before deciding the fate of the relationship. I think she read it in a book somewhere. The problem with that is that 1) it takes up a whole lot of time and I personally don't want to spend my whole life dating people I'm not excited about when I already have totally awesome friends to spend time with, 2) sometimes you just know, and it's wrong to lead people on, and 3) it generally ends up meaning I have to dodge a lot of moves which is awkward and unpleasant. I also think the 3 date rule should only be recommended if one is looking full time (and doesn't that preclude actually finding? Sometimes...).
So, I disagree. There is nothing double-edged about going with your gut. You only have to impress one person, and yourself, and considering how many people there are out there.... It would be wrong NOT to disclose your gut reaction.
-LiliaPilia
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Okay, just for the record, my friend/ acquaintance Victoria told me about this, and I think she learned it in a class about dating. The idea is that you cannot actually learn if someone has the qualities most people say they are looking for without three dates.
Now, have I ever actually taken this advice and trudged on with someone I otherwise would not, soley because of what Victoria learned in the class? No.
Someone said, You fall in love, but you have to climb out. And going with the gut is probably as good a method as any--probably the best. I do think Victoria had found her happily ever after, these many years later, and though we've never talked about it, I have reason to believe that some of that philosophy she passed onto me served her in that process.
As ever, I am very rarely taking the responsiblity of recommending an actual action. I am most often just quoting someone else. Alas.
love,
Elizabeth
Just briefly, my friend Brian recommends avoiding "happily ever after". He says it's "crazy making" and all we can honestly hope for it "happily".
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