Song lyrics that make me cry

If you know me at all, you know that I am very sentimental. Some of my friends take Prozac to stop crying all that time. I am not ready to take that kind of action; instead I’d really like to figure out how to make myself happy so that I don’t cry so much. But then, I don’t even take aspirin, opting instead of a large glass of water and a quiet room.

Driving back across the Bay Bridge tonight after the Christmas party at what we are now calling “Grandpa Lizzy’s” (the house Elizabeth just inherited from her father), watching the Oakland Port cranes lit up in red, white and blue and the lights of the city’s buildings large and small, Elizabeth played for me a country song called “No fear”, which, of course, brought tears to my eyes. Let me see if I can find the lyrics online…. In the meantime, here are a few other song lyrics I want to share with you.

My friend Megan McLaughlin wrote the following song about of breakup of mine….

So Long

I’m packing everything into boxes
And putting the rest into the van
I’m going anywhere that’s far from you
I’m going to drive there as fast as I can

I hope I find someone to love me
Someone who wants me to the core
Someone to hold me like a warm wind
Rushing through the night and then to want me more

Because the love that you gave me was never enough
Never felt like it was free
And if I hold out for what I want instead of settling for less
Maybe I’ll find out what love’s supposed to be

Love comes so easy to some people
But in life there are no guarantees
It could that this on and off love that you give me is the
Closest love will ever come to me
So keep the couch and keep the toaster
Say goodbye and stop asking why
I hope you open up your heart someday
Even as you still deny

For so long now I’ve been closing up my eyes
For so long but now I finally realize
That the love that you gave me was never enough
Never felt like it was free
And if I hold out for what I want
Instead of settling for less
Maybe I’ll find out what love supposed to be

***

I like to imagine that Dar Williams is a friend, and sometimes I think that her songs are mocking me. Her song “The one who knows” also always makes me cry, though it appears to be about loving a child, I think of it as the kind of love I began seeking in the previous song. In the sense that I am not a gifted songwriter or famous or with the love of my life, Dar and I are very different, but I imagine she has some kind of secret knowledge of my soul. (Juliette would call that charm. I still believe it’s possible for 2 people to have a special and unique understanding of each other outside of their individual attractiveness pulling them together.)

Time it was I had a dream, and you’re the dream come true. If I had the world to give, I’d give it all to you. I’ll take you to the mountains, I will take you to the sea. I’ll show you how this life became a miracle to me.

You’ll fly away, but take my hand until that day. So when they ask how far love goes, when my job’s done you’ll be the one who knows.

All the things you treasure most will be the hardest won.
I will watch you struggle long before the answers come.
But I won’t make it harder, I’ll be there to cheer you on,
I’ll shine the light that guides you down the road you’re walking on.

You’ll fly away, but take my hand until that day. So when they ask how far love goes, when my jobs done you’ll be the one who knows.

Before the mountains call to you, before you leave this home.
I want to teach your heart to trust, as I will teach my own,
But sometimes I will ask the moon where it shined upon you last,
And shake my head and laugh and say it all went by so fast

You’ll fly away, but take my hand until that day. So, when they ask how far loves goes, when my job’s done you’ll be the one who knows.

***

No Fear
(Terri Clark/Mary Chapin Carpenter)

I want a road stretching out before me
I want a radio in my ear
I want a full tank of absolution
No fear
I want a rainstorm to pull me over
Then a sky that begins to clear
Towards the truest of destinations
No fear

I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear

I want the world to just keep on turning
I want the dawn in my rear view mirror
I want to hear my own voice singing
No fear
And when I need two arms around me
And theres no one near
When I'm alone let the only sound be
No fear

I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear

I want peace, Love and Understanding
A stogie and an ice-cold beer
Don't want to live afraid of dying
I used to hit every wall there was
I used to run away from love
All I ever wanted was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I used to stay up all night long
Wondering what I was doing wrong
All I ever needed was right here
But I had to reach way down inside
I had to have faith I'd find
No fear