On stress

I've started to received those "manage your stress over the holidays" emails (at least from my mother), and I am here to tell you that I don't feel stressed. Afterall, I am not actually doing anything. Today, I had a long fantastic brunch with Muriel (sans booze), and then promptly got on the Metro going the wrong direction. One night last week, I was sitting quietly on the couch probably drink wine, reading, and listening to low jazz when I realized I had stopped breathing. It put me into quite a panic, as I stood up, put my arms above my head and then sat down again, straight upright, trying to figure out why I forgot to breath. There was nothing blocking the passage.... it's still a mystery, but I can assure you that I am breathing now.

I stopped going to French class a while ago. On my last day there we did conditional past tense, "if I had been president of my country, I would not have attached Iraq" which, I believe, is too hard for me right now. But grammar is easy for me in theory. I struggle with vocabulary and speach (and when I do speak, the grammar comes out all wrong, I say things like "nous partir...". I need more practice.)

Anyway, the teacher asked us each to pretend we were something, the president of our country, the most beautiful woman in the world, someone who had had a happy childhood, and write the pros and cons of being that thing. However, she did not want us to say "if I had been..." but instead to write "many people would have admired me, but it would have been more difficult to choose a boyfriend." Why this was so important, I do not know, but every time I started with "if I had been..." she corrected me. Then she gave us a moment to put together a string of sentences, and during this time, she stood over me, waiting for me to write so that she could correct me, which of course made it impossible for me to think of anything to say at all. I felt tears rising in my eyes, so I decided to go to the toilettes and pull myself together. This was no reason to cry in class.

Going to the toilettes actually worked, and I returned with some ideas of about if I were French.... She still stood over me and corrected some of my spelling, but I was able to write down the things I had thought of in the bathroom. When each of us read out our lines, several other people misunderstood the assignment in the same way I had. This kind of thing happens to me alot, and I really don't understand why it is more important for them to correct me than to correct the others in class.

So, I explained this event to Gitte and she said, "it's obviously because you don't have an American accent. They think your French is really good, but you are lazy, and they are trying to make you work harder." In fact, Stephanie, my previous teacher, actually called me lazy once or twice. Alas! I wish the problem was that I am lazy. It is really just that... I was going to say the problem is that I am stupid, but that isn't the right thing to say, so I will say... I guess my french is not as good as they think it is.