Songs of Love

I've been thinking a little bit lately about the ways that people show they care. Rachel got a book for her wedding (which I have already blogged about) which explains that different people experience and express caring differently. From memory:
1) verbal statements of love
2) physical affection
3) acts of service
4) gifts
5) spending time together
I believe words are cheap. (And I certainly don't have any use for secret messages.) I used to have a lot of dried roses that a boyfriend had given me, and I made them into art. G's sister asked "what did he do wrong to have to give you so many roses to make you forgive him?" He didn't do anything -- that's how he showed love. That approach obviously wouldn't have worked for G's sister. I think I tend to express love through physical affection and acts of service (like cooking). I think I understand love primarily through spending time together. The system is flexible. For example, the gifts worked well for me since I also got adequate time. (Also, some people are easier to shop for than others.)

Actually, that wasn't my point. What's been running through my head is the range of song lyrics (the poetry of our era) about the ways people understand and express love. Specifically, Eliza Doolittle hollering in the London streets:
Don't talk of stars Burning above; If you're in love,
Show me! Tell me no dreams
Filled with desire. If you're on fire,
Show me! Here we are together in the middle of the night!
Don't talk of spring! Just hold me tight!
Anyone who's ever been in love'll tell you that
This is no time for a chat! Haven't your lips
Longed for my touch? Don't say how much,
Show me! Show me! Don't talk of love lasting through time.
Make me no undying vow. Show me now!

which I can relate to completely. But then there's Billy Joel's wise advice to:
Tell her about it
Let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you
Tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it
Every day before you leave
Pay her some attention
Give her something to believe
Cause now and then
She'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken
For so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone
Which is all very well and good but maybe he should take her on a vacation too. I mean, even if he has no time to spend with her, he could at least send her some nice jewelry.

Gifts are tricky too. For example, in Sex and the City, Big sends Carrie roses for her birthday when they aren't together. He claims his secretary did it without consulting him. To me, those roses would be a lot more effective than sending a text message saying "I want you back." But that's just me, and both options are seriously tacky. I'm just saying.