I often struggle with trying to say what I mean and not get distracted by all my thoughts....
In 1998, a guy I was dating played for me a song a friend (former gf?) had recorded about a breakup (theirs?). Neither of us liked it. But the lyrics still sometimes run through my head: "I still have my friends, my family. I still have myself. I still have me." So, when I talk about heartbreak making life feel like photos with the other person cut out of them, what remains is still a good image of me.
I made mistakes in that relationship... the worst of which was not reacting to the warning signs. But if I'd broken up with him earlier, I might not have gone to Alaska, and I would never give that experience. Like everything, it becomes a cost-benefit analysis.
Still, look at my face in those photos. I still have that face. Taking it away from me would be, well, a serious and violent crime. Maybe it's a bit strange to remove someone from photos, but maybe it's also empowering. Especially when that's what you need. It can reclaim a time that became very unhappy. It can honor the experiences we had without the element that became icky. In a perverse, indirect and somewhat ineffective way, it gives us back time and energy that may otherwise feel "wasted" trying to make something work that didn't.
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2 comments:
I can understand the motivation, but at the same time it's a little like re-writing history. Remembering the good parts, ignoring the parts that make you feel uncomfortable. I realise that's judging with idealistic morals and everyone needs to do what they need to cope with life. I might do the same thing in the same circumstances.
At the same time, my grandmother cut out and burned all the pictures of one of the men she was married to after a bitter divorce, and as a result my father barely has any pictures of his father.
Those are good points, Nigel. My mother and my father had a very bitter divorce that extended in the courtroom for 12+ years. They did the best they could, but having parents who hate each other isn't ideal.
My mother did save photos of my father for me. When you have a child, it's no longer about you and your hurt feelings. But when there aren't children involved, how do you know how important a time is and if you will want images of it in the future? I don't look at photos I might still have (but filed away) of bfs from many years ago bc those people aren't important to me anymore.
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