Ohio, part 1

Ahoy there; it’s Lilia reporting from America! I’m not talking about any pantie-waist, sidewalk-walking, small-business running, local-produce-eating America. I’m talking about the real thing, where there is no sidewalk and you can only eat at Applebees or Arby’s, KFC or McDo. This is no “where the sidewalk ends.” This is where the wheelchair ramps lead up from the street into a complete lack of sidewalk.

I mean, I’m sorry to be dwelling on the sidewalk thing, but it is more than a pet peeve. My uncle said that they had been putting in sidewalks especially around schools (Federal Safe Routes to School money perhaps?) and expressed possible concern about how the townships were spending their money when no one ever walks. The price of gas is down about $0.50 a gallon (is it in CA?), but still hovering around $2.60.

I’m here to see my grandmother, who is 94 and has lung cancer that has spread to her bones and liver. She seems remarkably perky to me under the circumstances. But she says she’s in a lot of pain and won’t take her pain medicine bc she doesn’t want to get all dopey and lose her edge at Bridge. Keep in mind that this is the high school graduate who has never lost a game of… well, I was going to say Scrabble but really anything, to me or my mother, for as far back as I can remember.

The weather has been beautiful, not cold and not humid. The leaves are turning nicely, gently. We’ve really enjoyed watching the ducks and geese in the pond in the center of her retirement community, but have seen exactly 2 people out there or on their porches despite that fact that are more than 300 residents here, all with balconies, and all relatively mobile. I think it’s cultural, like the fact that my mother and grandmother were counting over lunch today the marriage proposals they’ve received in their lifetimes and I have never had any. I think that’s a cultural-generation thing.

Despite being in the deep exurbs of Cincinnati, I find this center to have elements of an ideal community. Granny moved here bc she could no longer drive a car – all of her needs are met within the building. She has a compact one-bedroom filled with her antiques, but her friends never visit her there bc there is a game room, a library, a dining commons, and several meeting rooms as well as tables and living spaces in many corners. She dines with her friends 3 meals a day. They play Bridge nearly every day, calling each other on the phone to arrange things. The center has various religious services, a pharmacy open from 1-2 PM every day, a shuttle to anyplace you may want to shop (Kmart, Kroger’s, Macy’s etc.), a beauty salon during certain hours each day, coffee, tea and snacks available at all times, and more than 300 other seniors with whom one could socialize, befriend, date or more.

My Granny lives for Bridge. I mean she really lives for it. When I call her and she’s feeling down (“I am going to die soon.”) I hardly have to ask anymore bc the answer is always the same “did you play bridge today?” (“No”). When she has played, she is full of pep and vigor. We’ve been trying to get her to play while we’re here but I guess she wants to spend her energy on us instead. She gets tired more easily now. She starts radiation tomorrow.

I have 2 uncles living here. Dick picked us up at their airport and noted that his brother Jim has had 3 new houses in his lifetime while Dick has had only had one himself. That’s the thing you do if you live in Ohio, you buy a brand spanking new house every few years, one that no one else has ever lived in. I am sure there are advantages to marrying a virgin, but eventually that becomes not the point and you’re left with who that person is, or in this case, that your house takes 3 days to clean bc it’s so big and you must travel more than an hour to get to the city center.

Nothing about me goes unnoticed here: my socks are discussed, my pants, my shirt, my hair, my facial features, my eyebrows, my hands, my feet, my shoes…. And even tho I left home… or I should say my mother abandoned me to travel Europe with her boyfriend-at-the-time nearly 20 years ago, she still doesn’t get that we are separate people. She just made plans for me to wash my hair tonight, in front of me, without consulting me. Likewise, I am volunteered to do chores as if I am not part of the conversation. My eating habits are even observed with hers (“we didn’t eat our buns”, “we didn’t like that side dish”, etc.). I wonder if she realizes that I actually can speak and make choices as an independent person. I’ve been practicing for 20 years.

Experience taught me not to say anything about these things in front of my grandmother. She takes my mother’s side, and we end up in an unpleasant row. This is another good reason that we don’t have a car here: my mother is a completely terrible driver. I mean seriously, her license should be revoked, but she uses it as a tool for dominance: she controls the car therefore she controls me. You can imagine how that doesn’t work.

Anyway, she just called to say that they are done washing their hair (I’ll wash mine in the morning when I take my shower) so I should come over and play Scrabble. If Granny doesn’t win then maybe she really is dying.