Bette's speech from the memorial

Judith Scott

Joyce, John, Lilia, Ilana, Taylor—all of Judy’s family, my heart is with you,

I feel so fortunate to have known Judy and to have spent a good deal of time with her over the past many years. I would like to talk about what it was like being with her, to tell about a typical visit with her.

Running out of my house one day, I grabbed the nearest magazine to bring to her. In the car I glanced over at it and saw that it was Sports Illustrated. Not only were my kids going to be looking for it, I was sure she wasn’t even going to be interested in it—it wasn’t like the magazines she liked looking at. Oh well. As I bounded up the stairs at Windsor House and into the big room, there she was in her favorite spot. She acknowledged me; then returned to looking at her magazines. I sat next to her on the couch and scooted in real close; she continued leafing through the pictures. Soon she decided she had made me wait long enough—she turned her face into mine and with her deep laugh brought both arms around my neck in a bear hug giving me kisses, interspersed with raspberries, nose pinches, and her hand pushing on my face. This routine greeting left both of us laughing each time—and I loved it!

I looked at and admired her rings, her brightly colored band aids, her necklaces, her purse filled with all kinds of goodies, and of course her signature scarves and hat. She always looked like a bohemian artist, even when she was dressed in her pajamas and smelling fresh of soap—her scarf and necklaces would by just right!

Joyce always said to me, “Try to get a few magazines away from her, she carries too many, they are too heavy.” I knew better than to try. Those were hers and she held them close to her. I remembered that I had brought her even another, but whoa, she probably wasn’t going to be too happy with Sports Illustrated. I gave it to her. She looked at the football player on the cover, turned a few pages, went back to the cover and looked again. Then she started laughing and picked it up and kissed it—laughing she held it high and then kissed it again and again. She added it to her collection and my kids were out of luck for reading that issue.

Time would fly by for me during my visits with Judy. Sometimes I would massage her back, then lean over for her to massage mine; sometimes we would play with a deck of cards; sometimes we would wander up to her room; sometimes my visits would be brief, sometimes I couldn’t pull myself away. Whenever it was time to go, Judy would both wave and say bye-bye and go back to her magazines, or walk off to go up to her room…she too had things to do. I would leave smiling and feeling filled with Judy. Those were fun times—each of which I will always treasure and always remember.

There were also harder times, Judy liked her routines, her structure, going between Windsor House and Creative Growth; her life was predictable and she was leery of new things. Joyce wanted to help expand her life as there were so many things they could do together—and also the world was calling to Judy. So there were some “firsts” for Judy. There was the car ride that would bring her to Dutch Flat for the first time, there was the trip over the Bay Bridge for the first time where she would see her art in the huge Exploratorium on Opening Night, and firsts not yet done--the practice trip with an airplane ride that would have prepared her for a flight to France this summer.

These were actually times of great anxiety for Judy. Joyce offered such patience, such loving support; she also offered a little trickery and bribery. Judy wouldn’t get in the car that first time she was going to Dutch Flat. So, we brought her dear friend Paul, from Windsor house, into the car with us. Judy relaxed as they sat together in the back seat; we drove to get them an ice cream or a slurpy, some treat. After a bit more driving around, we took Paul back and kept right on going to Dutch Flat with Judy. She soon learned that Dutch Flat was a very special place to be and that adventures led to great times with Joyce and with family, just as she had enjoyed seeing her work in the show at the Exploratorium.

During a visit just last week there was a new development. I think Judy had indeed gotten Joyce’s travel bug. Joyce and I arrived to visit with her and we saw that Judy had packed a bag and was ready to go. It didn’t matter where, she knew if it was with Joyce it would be good. I am glad to have had a small part in helping to show Judy a broader world. I grew, too, as I saw Judy embrace each huge step in her growing world.

I admire, as we all do, this woman who survived so many years of unimaginable horror with such resilience and spirit. I am fortunate to have spent time with her, to have loved her and felt her love. I am ever thankful that her twin, Joyce, has given us all so much by bringing Judy to us to share with us and with the rest of the world.

Judy’s friend Bette

March 20, 2005