Mean Mamas

Motherhood brings out the best in most women, I read somewhere recently. It is certainly the case for me. I’ve never felt happier and find it easier than usual to dismiss the dysfunctional. So, I was particularly surprised to be rejected from a local moms’ group I attempted to join.

The myth is that there aren’t any kids in San Francisco – everyone moves to the suburbs to raise their family. I’ve also heard people say that there are lots of kids in SF, but no school-aged kids. Yet, San Francisco has a range of networks for parents.

I found without difficulty, the Mission Parents’ Network where people borrow and lend parenting items, compare notes and narc on each others’ nannies, etc. It’s great. I attempted to form my own moms’ group, but it seems to be stalled as I was really hoping it would be more members-driven. But I haven’t given up. I also attend regularly a City College playgroup (which I completely love), and I know some people nearby who just happened to have babies around the same time I did (who are also great). I also completely love Jane Austin's yoga classes which I started when pregnant, and now I enjoy mom and baby yoga.

In Noe Valley, I heard there is a weekly stroller walk that leaves from Holy Bagels at 11am every Thursday, but I haven’t made it yet. It’s like Critical Mass in that it happens spontaneously without central organization. Other groups I haven’t tried yet include Golden Gate Mothers' Group which serves the entire City and costs $75 to join, Natural Resources which also has moms’ groups which cost $15 and up, and a Bernal Heights list similar to the Mission parents’ list.

Last week, I learned about two more groups: the SF Mission Mamas (such a cute website -- love it!), which I may ask my group to morph into, and MILFs and Cookies, a Glen Park moms’ group. For those of you unfamiliar with SF, Glen Park is the next train stop from my Mission neighborhood, and it takes literally 3 minutes to get there. So, it should have been a great fit.

But alas, the MILFs are exclusive. While they accept members who live in nearby neighborhoods, nearby Mission residents are not eligible. The reason? They want the kids to all go to school together… which is interesting since San Francisco doesn’t put kids in schools based on their neighborhood. [The other reason given was that they wanted to be able to arrange last minute meetings, a reason I summarily dismiss since the Mission is temporally closer to Glen Park than… much of Glen Park.]

I can think of a few possible real explanations: 1) the current group members don’t understand San Francisco’s school assignment system, or 2) they just don’t like people who live in the Mission. A friend (whose kids are older than mine) confirmed the latter: “You don't want to join the GP parents group,” She said. “I live here. Believe me. It is competitive parenting to the 100th degree. And yes, it is being snobby about the Mission- a lot of kids in the neighborhood schools are from the Mission.”

OK, this is a bit of a reach, but bear with me. When the Nazis rose to power in Europe in the 1930s, the Christian public’s hatred of the Jews grew in part as a response to dire economic conditions. After all, hardship is much easier to bear if you have someone(s) to blame for it. So, I’m wondering, is having a family in San Francisco so difficult that people feel compelled vilify adjacent neighborhoods?

If that’s too much for you, OK. I’ll just quote my Glen Park pal again: “parenting can be isolating enough without that crap.” I don’t feel especially isolated in my vibrant urban neighborhood, but I do feel like these Glen Park MILFs may have had a traumatic experience in 7th grade that gave them arrested development. I’ve outgrown being 12, thank heavens, and will continue to seek out and meet urban SF mamas elsewhere. I certainly want to teach my daughter by example to befriend and embrace people of all races, religions, sexual preferences, gender identifications, abilities and neighborhoods. So, my group is open to anyone who wants to meet mamas who live in the Mission (or elsewhere – doesn’t matter). Join us.

radical vertical greening

Now that I'm off my bikes until my daughter is a year old (and her neck is strong enough to join me), I've been more aware of small efforts to green the urban landscape. Like development, greening can be horizontal or vertical. I recently noticed 2 seemingly independent instillation of greening the front of buildings.

The first is at an obvious high-pedestrian area, 16th Street near Valencia, on a hip storefront.

The second seemed a bit more radical, by a SOMA freeway onramp. I wonder if the cars see it? It must make some impact on highly-local air quality... or at least its perception.

Y: the business of staying married

I like this article on one of my frequent topics.
Y! Finance: The Business of Staying Married by Laura Rowley