my fabulous weekend

I have received some complaints about my neglect of the blog. So, I am going to try to write something. It appears that my lifestyle is changing, as for the last few days I have had to get up early and live a schedule much more like that of someone participating in the economy. Alas. All good things must come to an end.

Starting from this moment and moving backward, I spent a magnificent day hiking Mt Tam in Marin County with Alison. The beauty here is unbelievable. As Alison said over and over, this is why we live here. I can’t imagine anything structural (other than fewer roads, but that is a small matter in the context of our topography) that could be different and more beautiful. I am always blown away by the high rolling hills, the Pacific Ocean, The Bay, and the white shimmer of The City’s buildings all bundled up together the way they are here.

Meanwhile I watch things like the Central Freeway going back up, all the people driving all over the place for no apparent reason, as I weave through traffic trying not to get myself killed today, and the enormous amount of garbage (but, thank dog, no shit, more on this in another post, past and future) on the streets, and I can’t help but think that we do not deserve this place. With all that in mind, I still find the stark light and the language a bit too facile. I love this place like a child, like a parent, like a friend, but not like a lover.

That having been said, I have been thinking lately that I don’t need a lover. I mean in the long-term, literally, not figuratively. Lots of people live long full lives without them. Maybe I can live a selfish life (in the micro, not macro, sense). It wasn’t what I had in mind for myself, but it can be just as romantic in its own way. I find myself incredibly entertaining, if not challenging, and I can flexible about where my happiness comes from. Think about it. B’s sister divorced her second husband without ever learning how to open a bottle of wine. I know how to open a bottle of wine, tap a keg, mix about a million different kinds of cocktail. Hell, I should be a licensed bar tender. And living with another person just means your apartment gets twice as dirty in half the time. I am having a great time the way things are.

Yesterday, I helped Gabriel cast his latest film project, “The Sex Movie” which will be about gender identity and society. I met about 40 actors, mostly incredibly beautiful and utterly charming. It turns out I went to high school with 2 of them. I loved seeing how well they were doing. I am curious to see how the project evolves.

Today is my father’s birthday. He turns 76. Next month he is getting a knee replacement. I am actually quite worried about it. Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is that last night I celebrated with him over Chinese takeout and pleasant conversation. We managed to avoid any of the topic that cause strife, like the role of the automobile in society, cities and density, society and partnering, women or the human condition.

I’ve covered the last 36 hours, and I’m already exhausted with so much more to cover. Having an interesting life is such a big responsibility, and living at all obligates me to have one, so…. Anyway, I will catch you up on the rest another time. Thanks for listening.

Will yuppies use granny carts for shopping trips (instead of cars)

Cities21 - granny carts

very interesting and efficiently-conducted research

Come hither, bridge builders

Free Will Astrology : Scorpio Horoscope

drinking every day

Good news! A study released this week found that older women who drink alcohol every day have sharper minds than those who do not. ("Wait wait, don't tell me", NPR)

Heat

Overheard on Valencia today: He said to me, he said “do you wanna watch the movie at my place?” And I said “is your apartment warm?”

This reminds me of my friend Carolyn. I went to her lovely apartment in El Cerrito for dinner. She is a good cook and a charming hostess as well as being one of my favorite people in the world. Her boyfriend was away, I do not recall exactly why, and she really wanted me to sleep over, not used to being in her apartment alone. Of course, I wanted as much time with her as possible, but her heater doesn’t work and her apartment has huge beautiful windows the leak out all the heat generated by the bodies in it. The lure of my own, always too warm (in a good way), apartment was too much to resist.

Of course, now, Carolyn is in Basel Switzerland, where the buildings have heat and the windows insulation because the air is f@#king freezing there. I hope her California-girl sweaters keep her warm enough (yes, she is another native, like myself).

universal thoughts and exchanges

A conversation I just heard on This American Life, NPR, between 2 comedians who have been married for more than 40 years, relaying their experience opening for The Beatles in 1964:
-So, at the time, I said to Bitsy…
-Mitsy
-I said to Mitsy…
-Did you just call me Bitsy?
-Yes, but it was just, nothing, anyway, I said to Mitsy…
-You called me Bitsy? Who’s Bitsy?
-No one, it’s nothing, anyway, I said to Mitsy…
-Do you have a girlfriend? What am I DOING in this relationship?

The Presidential Elections, 2004

Someone on NPR: “I admire the people of Ukraine for standing up against voter fraud” or something like that."

Why don’t Americans do that? Are we so fat and complacent that we don’t care as long as no one bothers us? I am also a little uncomfortable to the messages of the Ukraine election. Sure, the people chose the west over Russia, but aren’t there any domestic policies of importance? Someone else said that Ukraine is to Russia like Canada is to the US. We never think about them or when we do it is “oh that sweet little socialist country to the north”. Rumor has it the Canadians think about how much they hate us every single day.

I am sure I do not understand the complexities of Ukrianian politics, and the news media, by definition, simplifies, but in a country that is actually able to stand up against voter fraud, I wish the issue were greater than, “we want cut our ties with Russia and have the Europeans economy exploit us instead.” Just like I wish American voters responded to issues more important than lowering their tax payments and which politician has the cutest accent.

Neruda on this tragic day(1)

The swearing in of our corporate/war-crimes president, that is.

"The United Fruit Co."

When the trumpet sounded, everything
on earth was prepared
and Jehovah distributed the world
to Coca Cola Inc., Anaconda,
Ford Motors and other entities:
The Fruit Company Inc.
reserved the juiciest for itself,
the central coast of my land,
the sweet waist of America.
It re-baptized the lands
"Banana Republics"
and on the sleeping dead,
on the restless heroes
who'd conquered greatness,
liberty and flags,
it founded a comic opera:
it alienated free wills,
gave crowns of Caesar as gifts,
unsheathed jealousy, attracted
the dictatorship of the flies,
Trujillo flies, Tachos flies,
Carias flies, Martinez flies,
Ubico flies, flies soppy
with humble blood and marmelade,
drunken flies that buzz
around common graves,
circus flies, learned flies
adept at tyranny.

The Company disembarks
among the blood-thirsty flies,
brim-filling their boats that slide
with the coffee and fruit treasure
of our submerged lands like trays.

Meanwhile, along the sugared up
abysms of the ports,
indians fall over, buried
in the morning mist:
a body rolls, a thing
without a name, a fallen number,
a bunch of dead fruit
spills into the pile of rot.

-Translated by Jack Hirschman from The Essential Neruda

En espanol:

"La United Fruit Co."

Cuando sonó la trompeta, estuvo
todo preparado en la tierra
y Jehová repartió el mundo
a Coca-Cola Inc., Anaconda,
Ford Motors, y otras entidades:
la Compañía Frutera Inc.
se reservó lo más jugoso,
la costa central de mi tierra,
la dulce cintura de América.
Bautizó de nuevo sus tierras
como "'Repúblicas Bananas",
y sobre los muertos dormidos,
sobre los héroes inquietos
que conquistaron la grandeza,
la libertad y las banderas,
estableció la ópera bufa:
enajenó los albedríos,
regaló coronas de César,
desenvainó la envidia, atrajo
la dictadura de las moscas,
moscas Trujillo, moscas Tachos,
moscas Carias, moscas Martínez,
moscas Ubico, moscas húmedas
de sangre humilde y mermelada,
moscas borrachas que zumban
sobre las tumbas populares,
moscas de circo, sabias moscas
entendidas en tiranía.

Entre las moscas sanguinarias
la Frutera desembarca,
arrasando el café y las frutas
en sus barcos que deslizaron
como bandejas el tesoro
de nuestras tierras sumergidas.

Mientras tanto, por los abismos
azucarados de los puertos,
caían indios sepultados
en el vapor de la mañana:
un cuerpo rueda, una cosa
sin nombre, un número caído
un racimo de fruta muerta
derramada en el pudridero.

(1) Red Poppy Art House

Hair and the gym

Thoughts on the gym:
I now wear makeup to workout – Cosmo told me to do it.
Look at the floor around the machine you plan to use. Has the man on the next machine covered the floor around himself with sweat? If yes, select a different machine is you would like to stay dry of his sweat as well.

Thoughts on hair:
Have you noticed that the only hair on your body you want to be as long as possible is your eyelashes? All other hairs require trimming.
Maybe I am spending more time looking at myself in the mirror than ever before (unlikely) but I sweat to god I have more gray hairs all of the sudden.

Begin it

What America is all about:
1) Food (and body image)
2) TV (I was going to stay mass media, but really it is just TV)
3) Selfishness and stupidity

And then there is the Goethe quote that I have always loved “Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” With all that in mind, I have decided to play up everything I am. Right now, that is single (a matter that I realize causes me not to be able to sleep, but I can’t help that). So, I have signed up for all the dating reality TV shows I could find. (I did a thorough search too.) I am this. This is me. What I am is not fixed – I am always changing. And… I am going to enjoy it as much as possible (because I am certain that this will be the last time).

Separating....

"For years, we haven't understood the Jennifer Aniston appeal. She seemed like just an influential haircut atop a cute body. But now she's done the unfathomable and thrown over baby-hungry Brad Pitt for her career, making her a heroine for ambitious women everywhere. Unhappy women, if she can turn down BRAD PITT, surely you can leave your unsupportive, deadbeat husband. And for that, she is our crush of the week." — Ada Calhoun
http://www.nerve.com/regulars/scanner/01_11_05/

What I really don't understand is what happened with the Newsoms? Were they or were they not on the fast track to being the next Bill and Hilary? Why separate when you are a politician and all you care about is your career anyway? It seems like a very poorly thought-out move to me.

Marshall (who is a planner with the city) says that she is getting brunt of it for moving to NYC for her career. But I can't imagine why there is any reason to blame someone. What is going on with all these powerful ladies throwing over their gorgeous and successful men for their "careers"? Could society be changing? I'm mostly just worried that Gavin has no chance with the white house without a nice little wifey-poo like all the rest. You can't ask America to overlook that he's single and believes in the right for everyone to marry. God forbid.

On to Phase II

Phase I: have quality time with friends and family
Status: mostly complete
Sure, there are a few stragglers, but in general, I have seen almost everyone at least once.

Phase II: Work -- get back in touch with what's going on with my profession now
Status: I attended the BABC board meeting last night. I plan to attend various SPUR, CED, and SFBC meetings/lectures/events over the next month(?) and reconnect with the field. Also, begin self-marketing....

As usual, I have a quote for you:
The Duke of Wellington's complaint against the new railroads of his day was that they will "only encourage the common people to move about needlessly."

film schedules and various quotes

Some things are just right. I just taped up on the fridge the film schedules for the Red Vic, the Castro, and The Balboa theaters. Mid-act, I remembered doing the same thing to the wall by my bed back in 1988 at Hampshire College – it was the schedule for the UC Theater in Berkeley, which no longer exists, and it was inspired by a desire to stay connected with the institutions of my home. I wonder if this time I will actually go to the movies.

“Both brutally precise and surprisingly romantic” (someone on NPR discussing Susan Sontag’s work)

“I think of fiction as an education of the heart.” (Susan Sontag, NPR interview)

“…while the cigarettes deftly prevent intimacy, acting as a tangible barrier between characters struggling to communicate.” (Grace Martinez, review of movie Cigarettes and Coffee, Bust Magazine, summer 04)

"The gulf war tv series" (someone else on NPR)

"The One" Is the Loneliest Number

We've got careers. We've got sperm banks. We've got vibrators and "sexual liberation". Remind me what we need men for again?

Nerve.com - "The One" Is the Loneliest Number by Tobin Levy

PS, seeing as I have exactly one single female friend, out of about 100, I guess I am just talking to myself. kisses

Hot Cocoa May Prevent Heart Disease

I just found this article my mother sent me more than a year ago. Very exciting.

Sweet! Hot Cocoa May Prevent Heart Disease
Cocoa Has More Antioxidants Than Red Wine, Tea

By Jeanie Lerche Davis
Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD
on Thursday, November 06, 2003
WebMD Medical News

Nov. 6, 2003 -- Sweet news, as winter approaches: Hot cocoa has more disease-fighting antioxidants than tea or red wine. And the heat may help propel them into the bloodstream. Extensive studies have shown that black tea, green tea, red wine, and cocoa are "major" sources of antioxidants called phenols and flavonoids -- antioxidant chemicals found naturally in foods that can help prevent chronic diseases such as heart disease and cancer, writes lead researcher Ki Won Lee, PhD, a food science researcher with Seoul National University in South Korea. Lee's study appears in the latest Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry. In their study, Lee and colleagues performed a complicated chemical analysis of cocoa, black tea, green tea, and red wine, finding that cocoa had the highest levels of antioxidants, twice as high as red wine, and nearly three times stronger than green tea:
Cocoa had 611 mg of phenols and 564 mg of flavonoids.
Red wine had 340 mg of phenols and 163 mg of flavonoids.
Green tea had 165 mg of phenols and 47 mg of flavonoids.
Black tea had 124 mg of phenols and 34 mg of flavonoids. "These results suggest that cocoa is more beneficial to health than teas and red wine in terms of its higher antioxidant capacity" and ability to fight damage leading to heart disease and cancer, writes Lee. One caveat: "Even though a bar of chocolate exhibits strong antioxidant activity, the health benefits are still controversial because relatively large amounts of saturated fats are present," Lee says. "However, a cup of hot cocoa has a much lower level of saturated fats (0.3 g per serving) than a bar of chocolate (8 g per 40 g bar)." Heat may help trigger release of more antioxidants, Lee writes. The new finding makes hot cocoa a compelling addition to our kitchen arsenal of cancer and heart-disease fighting foods.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split

1) as you can imagine, I am completely devistated by this news.
2) I want to apologize to my regular readers for becoming such a bore now that I have returned to SF. I promise to do something interesting very soon -- if not for myself, then for you.

USATODAY.com - Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split

The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)

Dick gave me this book for xmas, and while I was reluctant for some unknown reason, I started reading it on the BART ride back home immediately afterwards. I have had various sleep disorders over the past month or so, the most recent of which I would call The Lovely Bones sleep disorder. Reading before bed ceased to work as I considered if it was possible to finish the book tonight each night. I saw 2, 3, maybe 4 AM each night regardless of my morning plans (of which I usually had none, in all honesty).

Aside from being a page-turner, The Lovely Bones is an important book about violence against women, grief, justice on a universal level, what suburbia does to culture, intuition, and, you guessed it, Love. I don’t want to give anything away (it is that kind of book) because I think everyone can and should read it, but a young girl is raped and murdered in the corn field behind her suburban home. She watches from heaven as her younger siblings grow up, her parents marriage dissolves, and her school classmates destinies are affected by this event. She watches the investigation of her murder, and she watches her murderer go on with his life.

The book is not beautiful written, in the sense that my chosen quotations do not resemble poetry, but they were emotionally powerful for me as my eyes passed over the lines of the book. Usually, there was a certain wisdom to them that moved me. Here goes:

A neighbor woman on her husband: “She had a premonition. She did no believe it was a woman, or even a student who worshiped him, that made him late more and more often. She knew what it was because it was something she too had had and had severed herself from after having been injured long ago. It was ambition.” (pg. 199) “….she was someone to whom order was also a sort of meditation….” (pg 199) But alas, it is not her story. At the end she begins thinking “divorce” but we are left without this destiny being fulfilled or denied.

Another portrait of a different relationship is the mother and father of the murdered girl: “His love for my mother wasn’t about looking back and loving something that would never change. It was about loving my mother for everything – for her brokenness and her fleeing, for her being there right then in that moment before the sun rose and the hospital staff came in (he had a heart attach). It was about touching that hair with the side if his fingertip, and knowing yet plumbing fearlessly the depths of her ocean eyes.” (pg 281) and later “My mother had been with my father for forty eight hours straight, during which the world had changed for them and for others and would, I saw now, change again and again and again. There was no way to stop it.” (pg 315)

One of the narrator’s classmates is deeply affected by the murder. First, because she is literally haunted, but later because her life has been formed by these visions. She focuses on writing poetry and researching (sometimes through her intuition) violence against girls and women. “Her journal was her closest and most important relationship. It held everything.” (pg 252)

“She (Grandma Lynn) no longer believed in talk. It never rescued anything. At seventy she had come to believe in time alone.” (pg 254)

The narrator says of the boy she liked right before she was murdered, years later, “I had always been in love with him. I counted the lashes of each closed eye.” (pg 283)

“’Your first kiss is destiny knocking.’ Grandma Lynn said…” (pg 284)

on starting, continuing, and returning to things

French conversation group went well. Tim and Grace are both much stronger speakers than I am, but that just means I have a lot to learn from them. In 2 weeks we will meet again to play Taboo. Hurray!

I went to Yoga class today for the first time in 6 months or more. Boy, it kicked my butt! That stuff is hard. Granted, it was a “power yoga” class, the kind I used to prefer. Maybe I am getting old or maybe I am just out of shape, but I am no longer sure I am up for that kind of exercise.

There is something really strange about this culture. Everyone is on some kind of crazy diet and obsessed with fitness. Even the most low-key, non-physical-seeming people I know are training for triathlons. Why? By contrast, every French person I know looks lovely and thin, and they seem to eat whatever they want, and I have never heard them talk about physical training. It just seems more natural.

I’ve signed up for internet personals again. This time, I am going to do it differently in the following ways: 1) manage my time invested in it, 2) don’t take it personally – everyone is looking for something in particular. It doesn’t matter if at any point they decide that that is not me. By definition, I am not looking for them either. 3) be completely honest.

A strangely relevant quote I heard on NPR the other day (source unknown):
“90% of everything is crap.”

Sex and the City etc.

Waterworks over hear just finished watching the end of Sex and the City. As usual, I have a few quotes and a few observations.

“They say the unexamined life is not worth living but what if the examining becomes your life. Is that living or just procrastinating? And what if all those helpful lunches and late night phone calls to friends make us all girl talk and no girl action. Is it time to stop questioning?”

“I am someone who is looking for love. Real Love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.”

“Later that day, I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring you the unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself and if you find someone to love the you you love, well, then that’s just fabulous.”

2 final points:
1) I love it that that character “Big” finally got a name (John).
2) I oppose those short boots with skirts like all the ladies are wearing in the final scene. So wrong!


“13 going on 30” is a film about what might happen if all our wishes at 13 came true and we only became conscious of it at 30. It would be much better if Jennifer Garner didn’t have to use that stupid little girl voice when uttering some of her more insipid lines. But it wasn’t intended to be a good movie, and it did make me think about my dreams at any age, and have a little more faith about what destiny has in store for me when I don’t get what I thought I wanted.

Burning Man devotees seek less snuggle, more art / Splinter group plans populist experiment at 2005 festival

BAY AREA / Burning Man devotees seek less snuggle, more art / Splinter group plans populist experiment at 2005 festival

New Year's Day

I'm exhausted, and ready to dive into bed again, but I just wanted to share a few small, but totally phenomial experiences with you...
1) Naked Jacuzzi at Pigeon Point under about 5 gazillion stars, below freezing rain, and beside the crashing, Pacific Ocean...
2) This morning, an end-to-end full rainbow hung from the blue sky as we drove back up to SF. Yes, it is sunny today and it is raining. 2004 was a strange, strange year, but I think the rainbow was a good omen for 2005.
3) We tried to get on a tour at Ano Nuevo to see the elephant seals, but after 2 tours passed us by (you need to reserve in advance), we choose a independant hike instead. Once we reached "new year's beach" (yes, that's really what it is called!), there was an elephant seal basking on the beach. We got to see one anyway! (Alas, we did not get to see the pups, however.)

California is so unbelievably beautiful in its own particular way, it takes time to get used to it again. It's like another planet, not conforming with any particular idea of what a beautiful place looks like. (France, on the other hand, looks exactly like what a beautiful place is supposed to look like.) I took about 50 pictures on one beach on our way down the coast yesterday, until I both ran out of space on my memory stick and ran out of battery on the camera.

Happy New Year, everyone.